My words have killed by accident and by aim. I have actually at times just went, okay... I will leave that alone when they disappear... I KNOW there are people who know more than me who work with me, and in this business everything is need to know, and it is always something that makes you curse that you ever had any curiosity about how the world really works... but, big shoulders, got em. Death wish, at my ready though my survival instinct overwhelming...
A lot of people have stories of being banned for political shit, etc... they watch me in real time. At one point they admitted to the cameras, and man.... think of being watched all the time, it is a hell.
I would yell at what I thought were just bugs, because they had brainwashed me and my life had crashed and people had died and everyone around me was acting like it was over... as all hell broke loose in California because of miscommunications...
Modern Family I grieve over what happened to them. That he happened to be on when my stupid, cognitive dissonance mind made sense of all these people just seeing me as a guy in a webcam, doing a show.... that image of me dressing in that fucking green thing I wore just to be pissy and ignoring the cameras. All the shit I did out of ignorance.
And out in the world my words were causing death, enslavement, people moving underground. While I had no clue. OR ASSUMED they were telling me about something, but I had no idea what usually, let alone how I fit in.
At present, I believe that the racist white are too far gone to see anyone who refuses to judge by race as sane. Many of you fought in a race war thinking JESUS would want one, OR A REVOLUTIONARY WOULD WANT TO DIVIDE HIS FORCE, or whatever you thought.
I wish there was some way for me to tell you how much I grieve for everyone involved in this. I do not care so much what side you are on. I hate the behavior. I wrote a book condemning the very behavior that was extolled, because this is a CIA tried and true method. I knew I was working with them and proud at first, but I was stupid enough not to think of them as right wing, nor to wait to find out why they were being fired being proclaiming as I did before saving them. I had been sane, I would have sued this country. Good thing I did not let it stop there. You may tell me all these people died for nothing but I know better, as a socialist tis the prime contender for president, etc... it may all only be symbolic at this point, though this is the future, and you have helped bring this mindset to be....
I would never have sacrificed or risked enough to do the good you did. I would not have asked but in a trance I did... take no prisoners, can't afford them.... drugged and brainwashed and feeling pissed that my pain was unrelenting and for some reason no limo was coming to take me to experts, to good doctors, etc... I blew it all quick. I thought.
People stood beside me long after they should not have. I had no idea there was a flock out there or my words would have been kind, and I would have told you how you were misinformed... and instead of freaking out and sending soldiers home, I would have taken this country into a scientific mode of governing. I do not want to be the leader or the power behind the leader... I just want the right thing to be done, Justice. I do not give a damn who delivers.
I saw something that made me think the propaganda at least was throwing out that I supported trump, and expected to be the leader, made people call me the gran poo bah and other stupid shit, which is the opposite of my life... this set up that I was a rival, or used by womyn to rise. Again, I do not consider women to be my enemy, and I support Justice, like with blacks... it does not matter where it is manifesting, I SEEM to know right from wrong and often it is plain. I do not want to rule, once hearing a man is leading the women. I should lead no one, just be part of a political group, loosely, who refuse to be divided and conquered, and focus on the real problem, economics. I do not even want to lead this... always pictured a united nations... where everyone has the same power.
