GOD'S LOVE
This is the name I have chosen to start calling my Church. Once people built a false church around me, made me into a Christ who was being controlled by skilled artists at brain washing, which as of 1922 could insert a personality that did not know about his real personality, WHEN they made him a communist so he could join and not even remember, until they brought back the soldier, ... we were a bloody lot simply because I was not let in on the chain of command, it was assumed my earlier writing was used against my intent... and though it may not look to it to the people who died or were damaged or... I cannot begin to imagine all that people went through, though at one point I was threatened with all these bizarre forms of torture that had vague ties to things I had written about, and I was assured, by the hatred in the eyes of those accusing me, that they had been tortured.
That was when they wanted me to join the race war and I basically told people that I would have nothing to do with it, having no idea one had been raging... and that three acts of my behavior, were told by whomever to whomever, that I wanted a race war. I was not about to be distracted by a race war, when my true target was the oligarchy, who need to pay enough taxes to fix this country, or cut the military budget by fifty percent, from sixty percent, which would still give us the largest percentage of taxes going to war -- or more specifically, the coins are going to the aristocracy, the war profiteers -- another reason they hate me is because I would make profiting off war illegal. I would force industry during this period to work at cost, cut executive bonuses to nothing, and even their wages; we need to socialize the damn banks.
You can say what ever political formula you use to define the events of the world, but I believe every political formula is a fiction, and only the force produced is real, as it says in Irregular Modern Warfare. In the USA we need a co-olition of the working class, who has not been co opted by the elite, or offered a space in the underground facilities where they will be housed, when the disease is spread to kill most of the planet. Seven Billion was the amount I read, and Ebola seems to be the disease they will use -- typical of intelligence to give people a horrible death, where you shit out all your blood and die. I lost a lot of blood once, enough that I would feel my intestines and shit touching nerves they never had, man... I was screaming until they just knocked me out with morphine. I was puking bright red blood, and spewing it into a bed pan. An artery had been accidentally cut open in my intestines and at the time this meant you died, one hundred percent of the time. I bled through all my blood Type in Bowling Green and Toledo, Ohio, and was getting it poured in from Detroit but it was just going back out. That same night one of my best friends from childhood, my oldest friend... Killed himself. He died, and I miraculously got better.
I used to wonder if there was a connection but now I have faith that I have a mission, and it will be a religious book that implores PEACE AND DEMANDS JUSTICE, EQUALITY, AND THE RIGHTS FOR CRITICS TO EXPOSE OR MOCK anyone. A leader who is afraid of what the artists will say about them should not be in command. A leader wants criticism from their enemies, because they will
The basic outline I of a religion is based on facts as they know them, which group is going to manipulate them, whether they are created to make profits or prophets -- most of which are egomaniacs and quite a few predators, for a priest is a prophet to a child. True prophets you will not find in this time of tribulations. The world is filled with the lies of war. LAW ABIDING allows truth. Criminality kills truth. Very simple.
People are going to lie and there are times when it is easier to just go along, when honesty is in-needed and cruel, even. There are other times when telling the truth is essential. There are things I wish to be told the truth about, and would to another, no matter how many people, including myself, get hurt. The truth is often taken as another meaningless lie in this ocean of wave after wave of lies.
BASIC TENETS.
NO JUDGEMENTS AGAINST PEOPLE BASED ON STEREOTYPES.
NO JUDGEMENTS AGAINST ADULTS WHO DO AS THEY WILL IN BED
NO JUDGEMENTS FOR SOLDIERS WHEN THEY COME HOME FROM THE WARS
THE GOLDEN RULE is the basis for all social, business, ecological, etc... behavior. What we strive for and then learn the benefits of and revel in the change. This will cause a great leap forward in the sharing of technologies, ecological disaster teams, like should be converging on Japan's leaking Nuclear Reactor now, before the damage done is irreversible. Or perhaps it is and no one wants to panic the world. We played with fire, and the forest burned down.... humans all evacuated, animals dead.
The church will first stop war through basic civil disobedience backed up by a very selective, sniper oriented, group that will go after the hardest of targets, until our enemy, spread out as they are all over the world, or living underground, or close to their silos, and thus subject to easily being trapped by setting off a few nuclear warheads way down deep. Cause a rare earthquake in Washington, D.C. perhaps, as happened before, just before, in fact, two movies came out about the white house being taken over, and the tours of the White House stopped, for budget reasons they said.
The government needs to be kept intact to a degree, replaced, but still a system that all people can basically agree that if it were honest, would certainly be someplace to start creating new times, of the new scientific realities, and the freedom of the individual from subtle mind control, and allowing them to confront the truths the Aristocracy took it on themselves to hide from everyone else. Not out of any good hearted impulses, just so they could save themselves first, before the peasants had a chance to revolt and mess up their plans.
This is very difficult for me to write in 2017 when my belief in human life and society withstanding the travails to come is .... well, I write with no hope that the life of the flesh is eternal, like the old time writers who read authors from hundreds of years before, and wanted to be one of them. Now I must write for the presence if there is going to be any hope for the future... well, I make my words out to be more important than they are, but this is the goal at least. Others would have to do the hard physical work, this I cannot help, with my ill health -- spinal problems that cause pain and massive side effects from a plethora of pain and anxiety and ... pills. I need them and hate them a hell of a lot more than I like them. Went without such things for most of my life, to avoid addiction, then ended up having to be addicted to them to function. Irony. And a wish come true I did not mean to, like too many others, from my adolescence manifests, when I wanted to just do downers and smoke weed all the time, thinking then I could function in this world as an artist. This happened and to a degree of four books and a lot of half ass paintings, though chaotically and nothing I would want to repeat. I do much better when I am in control, as I am now.
My rule on drugs has always been I am not going to dam you for doing drugs, even though I am sure your life would be happier without some of them, though maybe not. I just do not wish to judge their drinking. I am a terrible drinker so I do not do it. I am terrible when I take too much Xanax or valium... black out and get drunk as hell and mean at times. I have these demons just under my veneer, which I try to make friendly, interested... though I often look depressed and stressed and in pain because they are my primary states of being at this time, along with occasional good feelings, as well...
I distract myself as much as possible from the intelligence activities that cost GOD only knows how many lives.... I do not want to think about the past, but unless I am involved in another train of thought or a movie or writing a short story, lately, about a life altogether different than mine, and getting to feel like they might for a bit, instead of how a character based on my life would be.
More irony or knowing it would happen to me or setting up my destiny or writing down what I would create in this universe --- I would add chance but this kind of thing has happened so many thousands of times in my life that coincidence no longer scientifically makes sense --- my first book has a PTSD before they called it that horror from the things he did in war, including pedophilia... and much worse, that was based on true stories of the navy seals, raping women to death, as a lecturer did in a military intelligence class. Asked how he deals with what he went thru, he said I drink a lot, then took a sip from a can under the podium. I can now imagine how tortured he was in a way.
Actually engaged in the combat and the horror show rapes to try to get the villagers to stop supporting the Vietcong, yet they ruled at night and would kill more of them then the soldiers.... they had no choice at all, but Operation Phoenix pretended they did.
H
During my intelligence work, and life, I guess . . . I came to be the accidental leader of a cult; acolytes they called themselves in the end. This is as much of that story as I can tell.
Friday, August 23, 2019
How Do I Begin?
I have not attempted to codify what I truly believe. Shifted thru where my mistakes show me a truth, etc... I know this was chaos before when my words tapped into religion. I fear the blind belief. I fear the trust that things will happen without material effort. I fear that all leaders are bad, yet somehow some people seem to almost need them? Or perhaps they just need to learn to live without one?
I know of the limits of free will in this world, the genes that permit a range of behavior from atrocious to saintly. I know that what has happened already will forever taint my image with blood, though I will use this against my enemies, I will still mourn having to wear this mask. I expected just to me. I wanted the writing to speak for itself.
Do I have any right to put another word out into the cesspool? A voice cries NO... then I think of a moment of great honor, when I learned something I had done, of recent, bloodless, I pray, that had made a true difference in the situation in Chicago. I DO not want to go into it, because it is the work of so many others that tossing out an idea hardly makes me a part of the good. I will try to redeem myself for my sins. Of course I have sinned. Mostly in my mind. I do not know if all of the world will care, though I know some do and I believe in them. The UNIONS are hope. A peaceful way. Perhaps if Sanders is elected, get all democrats in the senate and congress and then apply PRESSURE to the hold outs, let the unions thrive. A natural redistribution of wealth if anti scab laws of some sort are put in place. WHATEVER...
I see this and know that I must continue of if I have use, despite the feelings of defeatism, of diminished self expectations, are stones around my neck. I do not want to rule anything was always the point though I finally just wanted to get the hell out from in front of a camera, to no more be asked questions I was not told enough to answer.
Pretty hard to be grateful to your zoo keepers... you never forget you are a prisoner. I know rough world, no room to bitch. No...
But I will not let you drag down the reputations of all those associated with me with your lies. I do not know everything that happened, though I certainly understand this was not a group of psychotic scizophrenics or something. The full range of people from normal to off was there, and planned, ,again, I CAN only imagine. Not my plan. No, they inserted my role for the mission, then I destroyed the damn thing. Then everything really went fucking nuts and if I am right, the fish, the followers of this new Christ, before I knew they existed or what they were doing, were taken out because I changed my password.... after being broken into for the tenth plus time.
I see it in the book, as well... but HOW was I... you know, I see how this all could be a plan, but what I do not understand is if they wanted operation bluebeam, why did they not tell me anything.... it was too maddening. They made me crazy thinking I would then go along. I could not help the medical condition I was in, or how horrible reality became without weed... how it pushed me into trances to write within over and over... suddenly in the Jesus voice, which had been there all along, I imagine. His beliefs my beliefs, etc... just never placed in a religious context. I know the reforms the Catholics could use, but I am not sure it matters... in the large scheme, though if it stops one child from being raped, it is worth it. They say that, I mean it.
I do not know what the fuck I am doing writing …. not a word in my head, feeling drugged to the point of almost asleep.
I know of the limits of free will in this world, the genes that permit a range of behavior from atrocious to saintly. I know that what has happened already will forever taint my image with blood, though I will use this against my enemies, I will still mourn having to wear this mask. I expected just to me. I wanted the writing to speak for itself.
Do I have any right to put another word out into the cesspool? A voice cries NO... then I think of a moment of great honor, when I learned something I had done, of recent, bloodless, I pray, that had made a true difference in the situation in Chicago. I DO not want to go into it, because it is the work of so many others that tossing out an idea hardly makes me a part of the good. I will try to redeem myself for my sins. Of course I have sinned. Mostly in my mind. I do not know if all of the world will care, though I know some do and I believe in them. The UNIONS are hope. A peaceful way. Perhaps if Sanders is elected, get all democrats in the senate and congress and then apply PRESSURE to the hold outs, let the unions thrive. A natural redistribution of wealth if anti scab laws of some sort are put in place. WHATEVER...
I see this and know that I must continue of if I have use, despite the feelings of defeatism, of diminished self expectations, are stones around my neck. I do not want to rule anything was always the point though I finally just wanted to get the hell out from in front of a camera, to no more be asked questions I was not told enough to answer.
Pretty hard to be grateful to your zoo keepers... you never forget you are a prisoner. I know rough world, no room to bitch. No...
But I will not let you drag down the reputations of all those associated with me with your lies. I do not know everything that happened, though I certainly understand this was not a group of psychotic scizophrenics or something. The full range of people from normal to off was there, and planned, ,again, I CAN only imagine. Not my plan. No, they inserted my role for the mission, then I destroyed the damn thing. Then everything really went fucking nuts and if I am right, the fish, the followers of this new Christ, before I knew they existed or what they were doing, were taken out because I changed my password.... after being broken into for the tenth plus time.
I see it in the book, as well... but HOW was I... you know, I see how this all could be a plan, but what I do not understand is if they wanted operation bluebeam, why did they not tell me anything.... it was too maddening. They made me crazy thinking I would then go along. I could not help the medical condition I was in, or how horrible reality became without weed... how it pushed me into trances to write within over and over... suddenly in the Jesus voice, which had been there all along, I imagine. His beliefs my beliefs, etc... just never placed in a religious context. I know the reforms the Catholics could use, but I am not sure it matters... in the large scheme, though if it stops one child from being raped, it is worth it. They say that, I mean it.
I do not know what the fuck I am doing writing …. not a word in my head, feeling drugged to the point of almost asleep.
FREE WILL
Free will. Contextual Truth. Everyone lies and the hypocrites who pretend other sicken me. Of course there are ridiculous extremes; I am not at the point of feeling like I need to tell stories to effect reality, to fictionalize the real events, to make New Journalism my way of interpreting events, in a manner. I had the lying burned out of me when I heard the truth, finally, as the learning curve of truth came my way. Lying before cameras that knew better.... all the embarrassment associated with looking like an ass. The man who described his fantasy violence encounter, just for the hell of it, because a part of him wanted to. I truly wonder now what made me begin to lie?
I fought it. Hated myself for it. Felt lessened. For years I would go over my days looking for every lie, and examining them, in an attempt to stop the habit. I have never felt most lies are a sin, they are one of those things which can go either way. They are required for the fake social contact we have in most societal situations.
I fought it. Hated myself for it. Felt lessened. For years I would go over my days looking for every lie, and examining them, in an attempt to stop the habit. I have never felt most lies are a sin, they are one of those things which can go either way. They are required for the fake social contact we have in most societal situations.
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