BOWIE'S BLACKSTAR.slams me or some shit... an old man who scammed on on young women during his long marriage.

I finally listened to this song, and was saddened to find more propaganda about me... or a song about this situation.  His right and all, though...  well, there are many sides to this matter.  I have to understand I will be hated.  I have to accept that.  This has always been much easier to believe than my being liked.

He wrote the lines I am not a pornstar, gangster, film star, but the great I AM... just what I said to people.   He was making the album in 013/14, when the blood was still fresh, and the machine was churning out the hatred of the performers who had been used in this fiasco of operation bluebeam.   Those preyed upon by the hounds of hell I gave free reign over the people, blessed them like a pope telling knights before a crusade that all their sins would be forgiven.

I found out only when I was filmed masturbating, an act of defiance against what I considered a torturous existence of being filmed..,,  SOME THINGS ARE X RATED... hardly meant I wanted my life to appear X rated to you.... What you were doing, by losing support, seemingly, though they were part of why I was not able to learn much about what was going on, let alone provide leadership, which I would have, had I known.

I keep remembering how they made a hit of some Irish band slamming religion, saying if you confessed you would be cut open.

This is serious of course because the Irish blame me for lack of leadership, as do the Mexicans, when I did not know enough about the situation in the world to do much more than watch you and wait, for the day, when I would finally be told what was happening around me?  When I did find out it was hard to imagine anyone had gone thru such things.

  I cruelly called your valiant efforts at revolution stupid because you saw a map in my stories that I did not mean to place there.  I was not told what this world is really like until it was too late to do much more than say NO.  I DO NOT DESERVE TO BE WORSHIPPED.  I thought of a church based on the mish mash of ideas one could draw from my writing, if including the comedy, etc...  and deep in my soul I felt the new level of anguish I had learned while involved in intelligence.

I see now how we should have righted a few wrongs in this world, etcetera.   I see also now that no matter what I do I WILL ALWAYS BEAR THE MARK OF A KILLER.  I am not pretending my hands are clean, let alone my conscious.  Quite the opposite.  My strategies over the years changed while I was talking to the bugs....  

Now they tell me they are watching again, and I see subtle influences I have had.  I am surprised by the cohesion of the group in Chicago to work for good, and elect at true reformer to the office of Mayor.  The communists backed the unions, I heard soon after writing the death of the unions would be the death of us all.

This ended up with you brilliant people getting the suntimes and that damn legendary pictures, a propaganda machine from the start, like Gotham....

Bowie even had a line in his song I AM NOT MARVEL.... because they try to make me the joker, then I was superman when I saved the second president, but now I am the joker again since intelligence controls the media, and me and the us intelligence community have our differences.

How can I make any of this right?  I cannot.  I have to trust this is God doing what he does.... man doing what he does...  nothing evoked by this was not already there, the seething resentment, the need to fight back against a  monolithic machine.  I did not understand the camps of right wing militia's would have much to do with me.  The idea of a theocracy barely entered my mind, except when I was doing.

Bowie hid in his cave, emerging only when he knew his death was imminent, to criticize me or whatever the fuck he was doing with Black Star.  Not that he matters one whit in this world, anymore than of you do....  I am not sure if he was acting under orders, or... his own malice.  What is it you think I did, made people convert to a religion I did not know about?   Commit thefts I did not know about?  Expose my body to people I did not know about?   Yes, and then I went after whoever I thought was causing mayhem, and I used any soldiers at my disposal, even Nazi's.   I realized at some point that this was not a battle I could win, protecting the Jews, unless I worked with them enough they would listen to me and back off, only go after slime bags, whatever their religion.   There were enough slime bags in entertainment to get a lot of them out Jewish or not, matters nothing to me.  If they wish to police that side of thing without harming civilians, then we need them.

Again, I do not care what you think.


However, I am certainly not in charge am I?  Why should or would I be?











I love you assholes out there who dismiss me because I have an answer for everything.... when you are merely reciting the truth, of course, one has an answer for everything.  You expect me not to know what happened in my own life?   I know some of what I did was the right thing for the government, which I never abandoned, despite their working primarily with people who consider me their foe.  I am no more their foe than FDR was, even less so.  That is all I ask.  I do not want anyone to have to give up all they have worked for, though there are limits to the largess a few individuals should be allowed when the adverse effects on society are weighed into the factor.