i never get over the memories of things I said to incite terror
never knowing where my words hit
how much they meant
what they could do
to so many
when they were addressed to a few jailors
spies and people in entertainment
asking me about things I did not understand
or feel I could answer with any authority
I fought against those keeping me from the world
who I forgave and even sympathize with when I learned the reason
no killing in my name of the innocent or deluded
unless they attack first
or are suspected of planning an attack.
Guilty until proven innocent YOU TAUGHT ME
too well
I am not innocent or guilty or any combination of both
When I had free will I tried to stop madness
not inflame
when you told me and I fought what you were doing
your tactics taught as mine when they were ancient when I wrote the book
we can fantasize all we want about who we are
let messianic dreams of God fill our minds to our hearts content
as long as we know they are fictions
dreams of a God we can't understand
be the creator's children with a kit they ordered in a comic book
to grow a universe and people it with real live humans.
I would never shove my beliefs down someone's throat
I was shown what I believe, things happened to prove them
Some. Others inexplicable.
How I am in a war when I want nothing more than PEACE
for all people
because I know that there is no true peace
for the many without justice for the many
not the select few
We know this and yet...
I do not wish those who feel they are my enemy
to think we cannot come to terms
unless you want to play out your dreams of genocide
or give me no aide in preparing for a future
I graciously am going to allow you to abandon
IF my demands are met.
Otherwise you will get your miracle
and I as I have told you many times
you will not like my miracles, for they are few that I know of
though many in practice I have noticed.
Among the mistakes I wish I had not made
is giving my seed to the women who went barren
though I would not want to do so with them thinking
they were forced to by a cult leader.
Once more, God, took what would have been my great dream
children
and I blew the idea off in a righteous rage
right when had I known a bit more about what was going on
I would not have
better God befuddled me. I like the bible says God does this to people
to keep them from understanding some things
until it is the proper time.
Sounds like the fortune cookie works sometimes
to some...
For all we know.
I find the bible's basic rules are written in our genes,
not our bibles; they are the words of rulers and con men; actors
playing preacher's of the word of God for the coins tossed
not the souls moved.
I don't care and doubt God does but I do not claim to know
Such a long way from where I once was
when I was filled with a voice that seemed God himself
a prophet of something coming.
The end of the world seemed about right
considering how I felt treated in a time
that was sabotaged. Not sure how but
I suppose they could get me to say
whatever they wanted at that phase
as they turned on me.
for awhile.
some.
not enough.
My worst fear was to become an unholy icon
a distraction from the fact God existed
and had seemingly sent me
the guy who did not expect this fate.
Long ago labeled in my mind an unkillable force
history seemed to prove as much
i at first wondered what it would be like to be you
looking in on a God
I wanted that conviction
that sense of truth.
I am and always will be stabbed by doubts
that come in hard as I try to fall asleep
require a mental run away
which I had to learn to survive
the monsters hunting me in my head
my purgatory
where the part of me that is already dead dwells
the bit of me left
is like the contracting
cosmos into a dot that becomes the big bang
a rebel returns from a losing revolt
weary and wounded
he prepares for
the next revolution
win or lose
being alive
means
fight
