JAPAN

   I was angry one day about the dolphin slaughter's in Japan, and have criticized other aspects of their culture, though I am certainly also aware they have wonderful attributes as well, as all people do.   I wrote we should nuke them over this.

Back when I was writing back and forth with one woman, a Jew, who I openly was Jesus with...  one of the few, I thought, though the magnitude of the audience for my fucking life of course saw all this as well....  I read that two weeks after I wrote this, they had a Tsunami and their nuclear power plant exploded and is killing the Pacific ocean.  At the time, thinking that my powers or words did sometimes cause things to happen in the real world, I wondered if my words could have somehow caused this?   My sick joke.  I know they released 777 tons of radioactive sludge one day, and on my feed appeared an article about this and the comment, WHAT IS WITH THAT?

What was with that is they were blaming me.  I also heard at the time that a nuke started that, and I was later informed of cultic uses of the armed forces...  wondering, what happened in the world, what drove it so mad?  I know a lot of people place a lot of the blame on me, and I accept some, certainly...   though every time I have heard of aberrant activity I stopped it.  I am not sure who else could have?

I do not to this day know enough about what happened in many ways.  A few words spoken half in code are all I would learn about massive operations....  and I was supposed to be giving orders.   No, I  was tricked into diminishing expectations, surprised every time by the attention.

This is too huge for my mind to handle, if this did come down this way, and God forbid this did, though other things I learned were unimaginable as well.

I would never want people invading my private life.  Never.  I attacked, tried to drive you away, scare you, etc...  I wanted to be free, but your judgements made against me, before I even knew what the hell was going on, are just too much for that.  Jailed in your perceptions.   I see all the slams on television, got the few in movies.   I learned from my critics because my allies had to keep me ignorant so I would go along.  When I learned the truth that stopped.  I cannot apologize enough for this world, or apologize for all the psycho's who put the mission together that placed me atop a cult.

I am not a disruptor.   I was once.   I had a lot to learn.   I was lighting fires everywhere, with no idea whose house I was burning down, or why....  I saw my words being mimicked thinking wow, they took my criticism of false preachers, and used Castiel, on supernatural, a group that has helped me a lot...  I have learned some bitter truths from tv, because evidently, a race war started, and I was a hostage of the blacks.   This just sounds like bad fiction.

I see now how I can disagree with their thinking, as long as we agree on behavior...  decent behavior, equality, justice...  freedom to be an individual.

I wrote of these things many times over the years....  wrote so many things.    Could my sick joke have been taken as order, by a group left leaderless, or acting under....  well, I do not know who would be able to make that leap, though the fanaticism that led many to think my comedy was a roadmap for life, or that killing ones parents would be the intent of a slice of life story about a real incident, meant to show their childish thinking, because nothing was ever going to be right again.... murderers, like the people in the real story, I figured they could only get caught.   I was trying to write a story a day, in all different voices.  Not trying to direct a revolution.

I always look back and wish I had acted differently, but that is like going back in time and making a change and not knowing if things would be better or worse?

I have never ordered, or meant to order, anyone to nuke Japan, or cause a Tsunami....  my religious awe sought patterns, I had criticized them, and occasionally bad things happened to people who I went after, surprising me, and making me think they feared mystical powers, not materialistic might.  Later I heard of the real violence, etc...   Brainwashed, wounded in my head, my thinking askew....  I thought in religious terms, not in criminal terms.  The criminal element in my life came as a surprise really, as did the police and others, everyone...