simplify

Salvation requires no arcane prejudices

nothing more than a child treating others

how they wish to be treated

no more or less.

easy going not harsh

accepting not judgmental

individuality over the collective

--within sane limits;

get mad and then let it pass

into contemplation of what brings this necessity to fight me so hard?

really...  I care what they think means

only human they can think or feel whatever the fuck

ain't my business as much as I can possible make that so

--within sane limits

I have fought with words alone;

only when they tried to steal my name

and I had to stand up.

Thank GOD I did

because the people need an advocate

in my position.

I am not the one they brainwashed as much as the moral man

I have always aspired to be...  

though the feeling of who I am will forever

be in flux

in the abstract

a question I have no answer for 

-- though a lot of questions that fade into a mystic mist

I will not abandon anyone

I would have always been there

sane and keeping all safe

free of criminal predators and slaughter

ALL that stopped only when exposed

by my humiliation before the world.

causing the adoring to turn on me...

God interfering to stop me from being digested by politics

I could never judge a human for their flaws

unless they are violence to me or the innocent, weak

I let my allies down not knowing they existed

figured a world that would leave me in a roach motel

seemingly ignored by all but the tv shows

and radio

driven mad by questions, the drugs trying to deal with.

I do not wish to come back threatening or smug

I do not wish to come into this room with weakness

I do not wish to come into this room with those who fight for war

when only peace will allow the world to work together

to try to fight the greatest crises in the history of life on this planet

I leave when this body is done.

Some things I seemed to know.

Last incarnation.

I am grateful for this.

Call rapture what you will

Nothing comes as expected

the  ways of God are unknowable by man

whether you believe

enough for anyone who can think

beyond their hatred for what happened to them.

I feel like I am here from the future 

seeing the path that took us to our doom

looking at the blessedly happy people

their problems mostly petty now

compared to where I come from.

First Times

 i never get over the memories of things I said to incite terror

never knowing where my words hit

how much they meant

what they could do

to so many

when they were addressed to a few jailors 

spies and people in entertainment

asking me about things I did not understand

or feel I could answer with any authority

I fought against those keeping me from the world

who I forgave and even sympathize with when I learned the reason

no killing in my name of the innocent or deluded

unless they attack first

or are suspected of planning an attack.

Guilty until proven innocent YOU TAUGHT ME

too well

I am not innocent or guilty or any combination of both

When I had free will I tried to stop madness

not inflame

when you told me and I fought what you were doing

your tactics taught as mine when they were ancient when I wrote the book

we can fantasize all we want about who we are

let messianic dreams of God fill our minds to our hearts content

as long as we know they are fictions

dreams of a God we can't understand

be the creator's children with a kit they ordered in a comic book

to grow a universe and people it with real live humans.

I would never shove my beliefs down someone's throat

I was shown what I believe, things happened to prove them

Some.  Others inexplicable.

How I am in a war when I want nothing more than PEACE

for all people

 because I know that there is no true peace

for the many without justice for the many

not the select few

We know this and yet...

I do not wish those who feel they are my enemy

to think we cannot come to terms

unless you want to play out your dreams of genocide

or give me no aide in preparing for a future

I graciously am going to allow you to abandon

IF my demands are met.

Otherwise you will get your miracle

and I as I have told you many times

you will not like my miracles, for they are few that I know of

though many in practice I have noticed.

Among the mistakes I wish I had not made

is giving my seed to the women who went barren

though I would not want to do so with them thinking 

they were forced to by a cult leader.

Once more, God, took what would have been my great dream

children

and I blew the idea off in a righteous rage

right when had I known a bit more about what was going on

I would not have

better God befuddled me.  I like the bible says God does this to people

to keep them from understanding some things

until it is the proper time.

Sounds like the fortune cookie works sometimes

to some...

For all we know. 

 I find the bible's basic rules are written in our genes, 

not our bibles;  they are the words of rulers and con men;  actors

playing preacher's of the word of God for the coins tossed

not the souls moved.

I don't care and doubt God does but I do not claim to know

Such a long way from where I once was

when I was filled with a voice that seemed God himself

a prophet of something coming.

The end of the world seemed about right

considering how I felt treated in a time

that was sabotaged.   Not sure how but 

I suppose they could get me to say

whatever they wanted at that phase

as they turned on me.

for awhile.

some.

not enough.

My worst fear was to become an unholy icon

a distraction from the fact God existed

and had seemingly sent me

the guy who did not expect this fate.

Long ago labeled in my mind an unkillable force

history seemed to prove as much

i at first wondered what it would be like to be you

looking in on a God

I wanted that conviction

that sense of truth.

I am and always will be stabbed by doubts

that come in hard as I try to fall asleep

require a mental run away

which I had to learn to survive

the monsters hunting me in my head

my purgatory

where the part of me that is already dead dwells

the bit of me left

is like the contracting 

cosmos into a dot that becomes the big bang

a rebel returns from a losing revolt

weary and wounded 

he prepares for 

the next revolution

 

win or lose

being alive 

means 

fight

Follow Only Justice

    I understand the appeal of anarchy, no leaders...   the corrupting influence of power I was delivered from by God and humyns, comes into mind as I see once again I am back in play,

I do not want to do more than talk, but negotiating from whatever position I am in is rather impossible, since I am the one astounded by being watched, as my very life has now become …  what?  In my nightmares the same people as old were inspired to actions I should have been able to stop before they took place.

The plan...  how could anyone plan for this?

for those who believe the propaganda about me, I can assure you, the death of my NAME is decidly premature.

The truth is more interesting, and workable, than the psycho lies put into your heads.   I have never joined a criminal organization in my life, always played a live and let live game with such forces... never seemed like my business.

 If they wished to help in what I believed was my mission to help save what I can of this earth and the people and animals, and change our war-like culture, then I had no reason to think they were doing other.   I took the associations as lies...  when I found out what had become of my asking people to give... and I did not mean to me... I meant the world... then later talked about insurance and the anchor of my courage and determination and ability to just survive the onslaught of betrayal of almost anyone I thought of as a media ally.


  You thought I betrayed you, when the ideals I wrote of in my writing were betrayed... my scriptures to the world, asking for harmony among races and religion, and justice for the oppressed, were taken as a politician's fake words to cover their corporate intent.


I have bowie singing Blackstar, and saying I am not a gangster, can't explain why, just go with me on this....  why would I have attacked them if I had not thought that stealing was wrong?   I was ignorant of many possibilities, though at the time, the same with England and New York.   I was not behind this piracy, or it would have been concentrated all on controlling the USA alone.   I would have cleaned up my own back yard first.  

I would never have led troops to slaughter.  When Ferrell said that to me, the hatred obvious in voice, as it was in Bowie's song, I could understand wanting to have a straw dog, to lay all the sins of the world on, then let the winds blow the straw away.   The insistence that I commit suicide as the great outcome of my battle, that I would go down with the bus.....  how William shatner ended his series of spy commercials with the woman from big bang, a show I grew to despise for various reasons.   Remember the commercial where he killed himself?   I sure got that one.  I know stars act out of the volition of others than themselves at time.

The hatred felt for me by many is a badge of courage, to others I am mournful and sorry and the situation is too beyond words for me to write much on the topic.... some tales can only be told in tears.  To everyone I offer peace, I do not climb to any heights to be above anyone or force anyone to change.   If it seems like I let the criminals off...  then you have no clue what happened in the desert.   Like many decisions made in haste and under the influence of the brainwashing/hatred at being watched for reasons I could not decipher.  I hate most of all that I helped those who are presently in power.  I hate most of all that Jews were harmed I had no clue there were real Nazi's in this world.   I lived in the play world you create for those you wish to live out your lies.   I hate most of all that people died rudderless because I thought you were acting out some master plan that I knew had to be in place for all these events to happen.   Being told the world thinks you are Jesus after having the voice of Jesus fill you, and a sense of God....  I believed the return of Jesus would cause all people to repent, and the world to aright itself.


Perhaps that is what a God would do?   I DO NOT know what I am anymore, so many wild tales have gone about and so many mystical things have happened that could not be staged.  All I felt was anger at your hatred before, to a degree.   There was certainly a part of me that thought you should have taken me out long before all those troubles could be started, but you knew better...  so the truth would have been enough.  I expressed my ignorance, sadly buried in the deceit I felt was necessary to psychologically battle my awesome foe.  I would have taught a better way of living, but that could not be allowed.  As soon as I began to understand these people existed, the followers, after many fictional hints and shows about this and I apreciate your mighty effort, though I do not understand the extent....  having to dress in certain ways, etc...   I rebelled against all of this the moment you brought this to me.  


NOW I find that I am much more than I could have ever imagined.  My mark on history a bloody hand print.  And more.  A youth turning socialist, a socialist almost becoming president.  This would have been unheard of without our movement.   I did not know how to react when you asked me for military advice, not only was I too uninformed to offer a stalwart opinion, I use experts in these matters to make decisions, that I would then approve.  The opposition played me.  Though I still believe that we must learn to work together, the progressive left, if this country is to be saved from collapse.   Starving, homeless mobs is where the tRump path leads... the wealthy living in castles above the fray.   We need more than ever to be able to put aside our differences of thinking to achieve a common goal -- a future worth living, for as long as possible, into the next century.
At some point, perhaps when the air is almost unbreathable, or for security reasons unforeseen by my small view, the government and other key figures will move underground.   They see themselves as the last best hope for humanity, and I was in the club for awhile, until they and I realized that we had sorely misjudged one another.

 I do not know if such problems can be over come.  The feelings of hatred for me will follow me always, this does not mean the ICON you hate is me.   I am not a false icon, as much as I tried to warn people not to become them, only to have my words taken literally when I wrote that stars woke up to reality, and did not want to be worshipped as I AM.   I did not wish to be worshipped, but many invested too much in the belief of the end of the world coming, or that my every words was gospel.   Again, I hear myself yelling ONCE, I AM Jesus Christ and everything I do is sacred.   I meant all the things that lead up to who I was and the very fact that I existed as Christ.     I hate the thought of what you went thru watching me, with children present.... when I told you again and again this was nothing children should see....  because while I was certainly aware especially in the end of being watched all the time, I was intent just to live my life as normal as possible... this was my supposed revenge, fight, against the ones who put tv shows out about cults that would use my words, and I would think that is not true....   but shades of the were.  
My conscious is clear on the matters that began with my being rendered temporarily insane and then trying to stop the damage.  I thought stupidly that the gangsters were the only problem   I thought the people who worked with me did so because we shared beliefs, not...  whatever their reasons were, and I suppose there were many.  I hate that you fought amongst yourself when I meant to choose a side between the uber rich and the masses.   The inane orders you thought I gave are perplexing to me, and were of course a hell of a lot more so when I first learned of them... with time to think, I understand that we were divided first by race then by the lies told about me.  I do not talk often of blood because I am proud of it...  I write of it because my mind has an endless cemetery...  I am not proud of anything done in war.  Nothing to be proud of when you have failed at the wisest way of war, which is to win without fighting.  I offered you win win win win…  long ago.   Now that I have discovered more and see a bit of how your world works, I cannot offer much more than what I did, letting the rich keep something like 50 million and using the rest to rebuild and save the world, if possible, and if not start projects that ARE ABOVE BOARD to deal with the GREENHOUSE EFFECT.   We have had the five warmest years on records in this last decade, the warmest in recorded history.  


This monster with a million faces must be confronted.  I wrote of the God of Many masks, another concept they had to confront, showing superman, who I was associated with after saving this dam government for reasons God alone understands, but they could not let a left wing be a hero to society, so they put on a superman show with a God of Many Masks, who was discovered to be an alien and no longer worshipped.  And then batman fought superman, who had been ordered to kill himself,  a movie I could not bear watching.   This militaristic superman leading the world to facism or whatever is so far from my reality that I did not even care to see it.  

They first made me the Joker, heath ledger, working with the mob and burning the money -- a situation that mimicked my saying 'burn the money' which people had collected, which the Jesus in me took as a great metaphor.   In the Batman ovie I am just sowing chaos.   The last joker movie went so far as to give him the colors of socialisms red and yellow, rather than the always used purple and green.   Then they use  pedophiles song as he dances in triumph... theye made a pedophile, jailed, millions of dollars just to make their sick point that socialism needed to be associated with pedophilia, which they tried before due to something I wrote about child soldiers, trying to subtly talk about the rapes and life of a guerrilla leader of children... not a way to live.   There were child soldiers used in these brutal wars, and the loss of their innocence is mourned, they are the ones with the most to lose, should the far left lose.

I do not believe in using the methods I was criticizing in my book.  I do believe in the coming war, everyone who wishes to fight over a certain age should be allowed to, and the younger trained.  I am not talking about Militia's.

There was a show which associated me with them, having a leader of a Militia say he was the hand of God....  BURN NOTICE, with sadly bruce campbell, who I have always liked.

I will never do you the dishonor of asking for your forgiveness...   what has been done is unforgivable.   I would not have become that monster without having my mind raped.   I do not hate you for this, because everything that has brought me to my current epoch was required.

We are rising again, not the cultish aspects of our movement, but the revolutionary portion... and we will work with those who do not share our beliefs, which cannot be allowed to stop our mission objective.  Redistributing the wealth of this world, so that power is spread out, instead of in a few hands.

i AM SORRY this country is intent on war, always war... violence, the last resort of idiots, the doings of bankers and such

The other night I was angry at tv and movie people and it was so stupid, blaming artists caught up in this bullshit of a world.  I certainly do not wish any of them any harm, and as M. pointed out some are forced to do this, surely.

I have to stop doing that.  I do not know what they went thru, but merely that they air anything about it is good, in a way.  Confirms the story, however ludicrous the presentation, and obvious the propaganda.  First they bring out Bob Zimmerman to go after me, with songs he stole or were written for him... propped up the old puppet and used him to blame me for something I was hearing about for the first time..  Wins the prize for literature.  They try to make me the Joker, to the point my Communist background, required they change the traditional purple and green that the JOKER ALWAYS WORE FOR YELLOW AND RED, the colors of communism, socialists, etc....  and me.  Then they chose a song associated with a pedophile, a chare that I am too sick of to respond to...  Never even been around children, not exactly the kind of guy who fits the profile, but they try, based on a criticism I made about Operation Phoenix, where I ACTUALLY WAY PLAYED DOWN what actually happened.

I guess there was some kind of break down in California, where my influence was strong evidently among too many who abused power.   My words unwittingly made people believe either they were angels, or others were angels.  I was trying to shock people into losing their homophobia.  AND OTHER PHOBIAS.  As many as my preaching could reach....  When I discovered slavery and other abuses were done in my name, I fought them, not even knowing how they happened.  By keeping me in the dark, the solutions I had to offer meant nothing....  none of my words, before a certain point inn my growing knowledge, mean much to me now.   I read waking up jesus and cannot believe I wrote those words.

I NOW have to contend with no longer caring that by playing the Joker, they would make the movie number one in the world, and win him all kinds of rewards;   not because the movie is well acted or not, the prize is meant to reward him for playing the role meant to play on me.  I called myself Arthur at times...   The tv SHOW Gotham went even further with their comparison.  I am not sure why they do this, though Heath Ledger's Joker mimicking my burning all this blood money in Chicago, after …  a revolt and probably theft and... God knows where, but I felt an instant revulsion against taking that money, from deep in my soul, and this being a mere few months after the brainwashing inserted or woke up the voice of Jesus inside of me.  PERSONALITY ADJUSTED FOR A MISSION, the CIA eyes only files read.

Ledger I am sorry he died.... Kubrick said to stay away from power, that it was dangerous.  I have certainly found this to be true, and being a power, I have and am to some they believe, dangerous.  I would NEVER have had any performer or most anyone dead.   I DID not see the battles in the underground.  I did not go over a person' days and preaching everyday, or watch... me.  I did not go underground, I did not get my town attacked by killers, I did not see my children walking toward me with a gun, or felt the horror of the child afterwards.   I cannot begin to know what these things were like.   I can only tell you that this movement began because there is a great need, and will continue, however humbly, as long as I can push for my PEACEFUL SOLUTION TO THE WEALTH INEQUITY AND SANE CLIMATE CHANGE RESPONSES.   I will have other issues I care about as well, though until the attempt is made to elevate all people, instead of just a few, we must do all we can to change this country.

Back to the stupid marvel thing..
I want the Joker character defeated.  On Gotham the last show the joker come out of ten year period of losing his mind sort of, and forgot his name.... when asked, he first said, JOSEPH my first code name, then JEREMIAH, name from a movie I watched over and over making some think I wanted to set up my life in the mountains of Colorado... a gunmen, dressed in black, went into the state capital there in 07 or 8, fired a machine gun, announced, THE GOD EMPEROR WANTS COLORADO, making national news, google it...  I did not...

After this the Joker on Gotham then used another code name of mine, Jack...  which I was called actually in the beginning, when people liked me the most, and was frequently used for me... then, THE JOKER SAYS, MAYBE HIS NAME IS JOHN?  My actual name... that I think is the last one.  To those who know my story, this is a very clear smear against me.  I get it.  What people were put thru, what they went thru doing these things, is beyond my imagination -- or more truthfully, I do not want to remember.
   I do not want, the FOX - RIGHT WING VERSION of batman,  or the CIA's dream machine, music or movie wise, to matter much to anyone.  Free speech.   Once in Colorado, a Batman film was shot up, because of the way I was betrayed I fear, which I realized later, after learning my comedy about booby trapping my house and all these things had been taken to heart by this person.  I do not know if some group messed with his mind and aimed him at theater, or he was a lone wolf.   I would NEVER approve of such tactics, or non-tactics.

I would never order anyone to do anything I would not do.  This includes suicide, killing people in race wars, worshipping another person, turning over your free will to anyone.  I wrote against this at times, though my work was ignored.   I COULD not be as dum as I looked I suppose you were told...  giving orders with this and that.  No, I was misinformed, or barely informed, at best... then asked impossible questions where the only answer that made any sense to me was sparing lives.  I had no idea this would lead to soldiers, whom NO ONE bothered to tell me cared what I did, other than knowing I support them as individuals, every one...  my heart goes out to everyone in war.  No winners, only victims.

I am left having to fill in the blanks with fucking dr who episodes...  I guess they were with me at some point.   I was an ass about the queen, and regretted it caused problems, having no idea of the context of my actions...   I WAS ASKED should we bomb...   told the reason was Gold.  I had no idea what to say.  The deep rooted reasons to possibly attack London that India and Ireland and some Scots felt.   I was asked this about ships.  Told there was an invasion in florida.  Nothing more unti years later when I am accused of allowing soldiers to be slaughtered, the saying oh England is alright....   Again, you kept me hidden from myself, as seemingly obscured as possible, and when I asked for contact, I was ignored.

I GUESS I should touch on Race.  I was accused of leaving this out when I first began to write this story,, in 12, on a computer the CIA or whoever had set up a camera so what I wrote could be seen I real time....   I was stunned later when they showed me all the angle they saw me from.  Those who thought my life was a show ….   lord, if I had known -- the thought I have over and over.   I am or was a hostage of the blacks.  This started before I knew about a race war.   I did not know that the folk I represented were racists.   I was not supposed to leave the city, but I did not notice for years because I did not have any money or urge to leave Chicago....  I was just going to a town in Ohio, and they did everything to make it not... my social security check even came a week late, which was unheard of...  etc....  when I got to Ohio, a sleepy Bowling Green street, had seven cop cars parked across from my buddies house.  Later I learned I was in a Buffalo Jail, could roam around but not try to leave, or I might be shot, or really jailed.   I HIS met a record producer from California who was dumped here, after having his dread locks ripped out by hand by the CIA as they fought us...  then took all his possessions.

I first heard about the hostage thing, without knowing, when a black comedian, a woman, made a joke I knew was aimed at me, saying the black panthers had their boy.....   I THOUGHT they meant that I believe in the same principles as the black panthers, but no.... a hostage.   This was confirmed to me again and again.   I could not believe it.   The Race War had sickened me, especially all of the people trying to get me to join the 'white side, when I DO NOT believe sides should be chosen based on race, but a shared love of justice.  This means addressing the issues of minorities and asylum seekers and WOMEN...  When I came to believe my being held a hostage might stop some blood shed, I realized I would have went willingly, to save lives from either side...

Now late in the game I seem to have harmed my relationship with Mexico to the point of destruction, though if they were far right, like so many of the acolytes are described to me as,



CONTINUE RE-WRITE OF ENTRY FROM HERE.... sorry dear readers, but I will finish this up tom.






























   I have gotten over it finally am back to my normal postion, which given normal circumstances would mean time to calm down and mull it over....  I will always be react, that I never want to change about myself, though I also do not want to be taken wrong.

I have been accused of making long winded rationalizations, trying to change my opinions on things, when nothing inside of me has changed about how I feel about how the world should be ran.  That does not mean I wish to use violence to impose that.  I do not know what my opinion matters, but when I think of myself even imagining harming people it is merely a way of releasing stress...  like hating hollywood for their mind fucking, when I get angry at the faces on the screen personally I am being as big a fool as people who think my characters represent me...  even worse, because they do not write, merely are used by the powers that be.

Here is my present opinion on YOUR RACE WAR.  I think it is a total distraction from the real problems in this country.  The Black's deserve reparation's and this country can afford them, if we are at peace.  This will not end prejudice, some will resent this, though presented with the history, the case has clearly been made, and our society will benefit from equality of income, and the same is true of women and men and everyone else.   I do not want to dismantle the wealth of every multi-millionaire this has to be win win win win… to be realistic.

Something might be able to be done about the atmosphere if the war money was spent on research, and writing what wrongs we can.  AT THE VERY least an honest world fund run by countries where everyone's vote is equal.   We need a global commitment to confronting climate change with dignity that the citizens have in place, prepared to take over in the case of an emergency.

They branded me a pedophile over my criticizing the activity in a book and a stupid stoned out of mind out of context stupid ass comment...  trying to say my worst sin was innocent but I still felt like shit about it…. stupid.  I never talked about that... why then?  What was put in my mind to trigger that shit?   I hated pedophiles enough to lose my family over outing the one in my family... badly, but with a hatred that still surprised me after all those years...…   what happened to people, can this be the beginning or is the continuation?

Amazing....   here I am, the guy who feels this warm loving Jesus in his sternum, when he pictures his vision of God..  how can I judge humans at all, knowing this all powerful being exists that we are immortal?   I refuse to fight in a slaughter of the blacks, etc.  I refuse to fight a race war, period, unless a few things happen.  One, situation like last time when you told me about trains and I lost my mind over that shit....  two, anyone who starts shooting at me.  I understand I am hated for many things, I get it...

My conscious is hardly clear.  Densely packed.  Screams emanating always....  but what you accuse me of mostly I had nothing to do with.

BUT WHEN I SAY really stupid shit like harm all these actors and actresses and rockers I am not at all serious, and I hope they do not all hate me, because I have no hate anymore for any of them.

I think of the possible war with Iran.   The civilians there.  Then as always the bits I learned about what happened here.

Also,  let me add, my use of I AM this week was in response to the darkstar song by bowie which was about me...  on facebook, where I write too much... is not meant to be a call to a new religion, it is just me throwing back in the face of that song


his saying I'LL TAKE YOU HOME...  the worst of this is.... well, there is no quantifying such things, whatever I think about at the tine seems the worst... was people thinking I wanted them to kill themselves and others.....   I said things that I never would have, had I known I was at a podium preaching....   I had no way of knowing when I wrote my comedy and my novel that they would be taken as scripture, though obviously I was trying to radicalize people, in my way.






But the book....  hurts.  I pray this year brings Bernie Sanders to power.

BOWIE'S BLACKSTAR.slams me or some shit... an old man who scammed on on young women during his long marriage.

I finally listened to this song, and was saddened to find more propaganda about me... or a song about this situation.  His right and all, though...  well, there are many sides to this matter.  I have to understand I will be hated.  I have to accept that.  This has always been much easier to believe than my being liked.

He wrote the lines I am not a pornstar, gangster, film star, but the great I AM... just what I said to people.   He was making the album in 013/14, when the blood was still fresh, and the machine was churning out the hatred of the performers who had been used in this fiasco of operation bluebeam.   Those preyed upon by the hounds of hell I gave free reign over the people, blessed them like a pope telling knights before a crusade that all their sins would be forgiven.

I found out only when I was filmed masturbating, an act of defiance against what I considered a torturous existence of being filmed..,,  SOME THINGS ARE X RATED... hardly meant I wanted my life to appear X rated to you.... What you were doing, by losing support, seemingly, though they were part of why I was not able to learn much about what was going on, let alone provide leadership, which I would have, had I known.

I keep remembering how they made a hit of some Irish band slamming religion, saying if you confessed you would be cut open.

This is serious of course because the Irish blame me for lack of leadership, as do the Mexicans, when I did not know enough about the situation in the world to do much more than watch you and wait, for the day, when I would finally be told what was happening around me?  When I did find out it was hard to imagine anyone had gone thru such things.

  I cruelly called your valiant efforts at revolution stupid because you saw a map in my stories that I did not mean to place there.  I was not told what this world is really like until it was too late to do much more than say NO.  I DO NOT DESERVE TO BE WORSHIPPED.  I thought of a church based on the mish mash of ideas one could draw from my writing, if including the comedy, etc...  and deep in my soul I felt the new level of anguish I had learned while involved in intelligence.

I see now how we should have righted a few wrongs in this world, etcetera.   I see also now that no matter what I do I WILL ALWAYS BEAR THE MARK OF A KILLER.  I am not pretending my hands are clean, let alone my conscious.  Quite the opposite.  My strategies over the years changed while I was talking to the bugs....  

Now they tell me they are watching again, and I see subtle influences I have had.  I am surprised by the cohesion of the group in Chicago to work for good, and elect at true reformer to the office of Mayor.  The communists backed the unions, I heard soon after writing the death of the unions would be the death of us all.

This ended up with you brilliant people getting the suntimes and that damn legendary pictures, a propaganda machine from the start, like Gotham....

Bowie even had a line in his song I AM NOT MARVEL.... because they try to make me the joker, then I was superman when I saved the second president, but now I am the joker again since intelligence controls the media, and me and the us intelligence community have our differences.

How can I make any of this right?  I cannot.  I have to trust this is God doing what he does.... man doing what he does...  nothing evoked by this was not already there, the seething resentment, the need to fight back against a  monolithic machine.  I did not understand the camps of right wing militia's would have much to do with me.  The idea of a theocracy barely entered my mind, except when I was doing.

Bowie hid in his cave, emerging only when he knew his death was imminent, to criticize me or whatever the fuck he was doing with Black Star.  Not that he matters one whit in this world, anymore than of you do....  I am not sure if he was acting under orders, or... his own malice.  What is it you think I did, made people convert to a religion I did not know about?   Commit thefts I did not know about?  Expose my body to people I did not know about?   Yes, and then I went after whoever I thought was causing mayhem, and I used any soldiers at my disposal, even Nazi's.   I realized at some point that this was not a battle I could win, protecting the Jews, unless I worked with them enough they would listen to me and back off, only go after slime bags, whatever their religion.   There were enough slime bags in entertainment to get a lot of them out Jewish or not, matters nothing to me.  If they wish to police that side of thing without harming civilians, then we need them.

Again, I do not care what you think.


However, I am certainly not in charge am I?  Why should or would I be?











I love you assholes out there who dismiss me because I have an answer for everything.... when you are merely reciting the truth, of course, one has an answer for everything.  You expect me not to know what happened in my own life?   I know some of what I did was the right thing for the government, which I never abandoned, despite their working primarily with people who consider me their foe.  I am no more their foe than FDR was, even less so.  That is all I ask.  I do not want anyone to have to give up all they have worked for, though there are limits to the largess a few individuals should be allowed when the adverse effects on society are weighed into the factor.

As You KNOW BY NOW I BELIEVE IN FREE WILL

I do not believe the collective should get to make all decisions for people, in fact the fewer the better, of course.  Though at this point we have gone too far.

tRump wants a civil war.  Is he serious?  I realize you had something of this sort before, though I never understood how the boundaries on that would work out, blue versus red?  I just do not see this happening except for from the young socialists, and then they would be risking their lives.   I know you are committed enough to do so, though I am gun shy personally.   I am armed, and not afraid to fire.  I am afraid of misfires.  Almost everyone directly hurt because of me was a misifire.

Bush, had no clue a poem would do that, fallwell, have no idea how Vonnegut ended up dead?  Over zealous cia agents, too?   I let you off without knowing what you did, then became a proud part of your machine.  What hogwash.  I still must apreciate that some of you thought you were doing the right thing, and protected me, and all this shit I am apreciate of.  Your sacrifice, grief, strife, and nightmarish past is a horror I understand you have.  I may not dwell on these things in my writing but they are always on my mind.

I lay back half asleep or wide awake, thinking for hours, slumbering in and out at times..  mostly I am still trying to find meaning.  Meaning to go on, to tell people to go on.   To say even if it is helpless, then we have to do the best for all NOW, while we still can...  before people get to panicking and there are refugee's camps all over the warm parts of the country.  I do not know what to advise now that I have learned this, and I do not know how people who are very young are going to deal with this one  Imminent hell on earth.   Lord, have mercy on them.  Too late for the planet.  Too late for much of anything.