I THANK GOD FOR THE HUMBLING

I always was humble inside, going from grandiose dreams of fame to failures in actual practice, until I had given up on anything good coming from writing.  Then Blogging comedy found me an instant audience and I loved it, could comment on all the newspapers I read, build this magazine of mine own.  The Elves Attic at blogspot is still around if you look, as is waking up jesus, from whence these events were described in the frantic voice of one going thru them.

I was chosen by powerful people to play a role, to stop a certain take over attempt by the Chinese left...  perhaps?   To usher in a Nazi era?   A kingdom?  A God Emperor?  Alien?  Nothing made sense at first at all.   I knew I was being told about a huge operation but I also began to believe I wanted nothing to do with them.  At first it was cool, though maddening.... having the voice of Jesus stuffed in my head left me with very diminished capacities.   I was thinking in terms of eternity, and you were trying to get me to lead a revolution.   They pretended I had accidentally took over the world and all this shit, or that is how it looked to me.   I would test the bounds of power, once, I am ashamed to say, once even dissing a dancing ally who sure as hell deserves nothing more than my thanks, as far as I know...  I would not have done these things had I not been running on rage alone, to keep the terror at bay.  The terror most of you out there felt every day came very late to me.   Today I was thinking, as I started this entry, about after they told me of some of the murders...

I said, MY INNOCENCE IS GONE, THAT IS FOR SURE...  I had no idea all of these things had happened in the world, that night they showed me some drunk teenagers, one said, YEA, I LOST MY INNOCENCE WHEN THE KILLERS CAME TO TOWN.    I had praised the band the killers, written a book which had child soldiers in it who killed some parents, took the kids...  criticizing the tactic...  though it became too effective in the states, where this army was like nothing anyone had seen before... and they lost control, whoever started it, the very wealthy,  when I would not go along... I am sure they just went on to the next plan, trying to forget about me, as I try to forget about certain matters too top secret to write about, and unforgettable as all the other horrors that flash before my thoughts.

I lay thinking for hours every day, feigning napping, thinking over every inch of what happened to me, and pondering where to go from here.  Can I believe what I have been told about the public perception of me, that I am a reknown mass murderer, who would be welcomed as the macabe display at parties...  I told them I did not want that kind of fame.

I do not know how to write to those who called themselves acolytes and not just cry...  seems the only honest way to communicate how I feel.  JESUS WEPT.  Shortest, most telling, verse in the bible.. forgotten by those who watched my transition into what I was.   I am not that anymore.  I am more than content to avoid conflict though I remain adamantly prepared to fight under certain condition, if lines are crossed, or loved ones threatened.  Even when my enemy is the most vile of them all, I will give them a way to allow their children to live, will not corner them...  though the sickest of the sick elitists, responsible for millions of starving children because of banking policies, will be tried.   And if they fight, then we will get mean.

I keep getting mistaken for a republican.  Were I to run for office it would be with a gun in hand and soldiers by my side...  and we would socialize banks the first day we took over.    I would want a democracy, though certain assets of the country are presently in private hands, and they have proven irresponsible to the planet.  Most areas,  I do not care what people do, but the rich will be taxed and they can leave if they want, or send plants over seas but they never better expect to sell anything in our us again.