A few phrases from Operation Bluebeam come into my mind all the time, one of them is a DJ who thought I knew that these killings were being done, or was ordered by the CIA to say so, because I was being set up as the fall guy for mass murder. One is, "You had the perfect alibi," and these words were spoken with poison and death and blood and all the mayhem of what will prove to be the first of assaults. The dead were never the intention of my words. Leading anyone except in thought was my revolution, getting the people in the streets, maybe... what does one expect, nothing great had ever happened to me before, and probably never would. Little did I know that I had been chosen for this operation, mission, a tool of spies... like a brainwashed assassin. Only I was to be Christ as they took over the world.
Chicago took over the world. What a thing. Like I could take over the world? What were people thinking, that I was a super hero? There had to be many, many people working on this, funding this, preparing for all those years, getting ready for whatever the hell, taking over the world I guess... something. Maybe just revolting in the states for reasons I do not understand?
The other image that echoes from the end, when I was suddenly hated by a media that had been hot and cold, for reasons I was the last to fucking know... that webcam. The humiliation is to this day behind a dam that I shore up every now and then. I fought back with words. I did not know who or what was doing all this to me, but I was going to fuck with you all to hell until I knew what was going on, and everyone was my enemy... you showed signs of friendship that were baffling to me without actually communication.
I think about my mistakes of late a lot in the context of people who tried to work with me, when I did not realize I was fucking doing anything besides being judged by the Codes on the tv whether some train was going to take off, or there was accident after accident on the road. I knew something was happening. Taking off in the rv's, shooting out to revolt, they let me know a bit of what happened. Then they told me it was all over. I did not know at the time that I was sabotaging their mission. PART OF WHY I BELIEVE IN GOD is because had I known what was going on, I would have done the same thing.... there was no way in Hell I was going to impose my will on other people, I wanted a religion that set them free. I knew I was having effects. I just never knew the convulsions...
This is one way of looking at it.., When I learned I was being watched, that I was famous... these things really stunned me. An awards show where I was shown being beaten because I wanted a new face... they had made me the joker, and that was bullshit. I simply am not a criminal, people eventually figured that out... though my enemies to this day will say other.
During my intelligence work, and life, I guess . . . I came to be the accidental leader of a cult; acolytes they called themselves in the end. This is as much of that story as I can tell.
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