Do you expect me to rally the troops, to fight somehow in a way that I HAVE NO CLUE what to add or even why? Do I still believe in ugly justice, yeah. I just believe it has to be JUST, not just fucking ugly.
I think of these non stop. You cannot tell, think I am sleeping on the couch. Do you want Johnny Pain to scream, "Kill, kill, kill." I am no manson. I do not expect some small or even large sect to take over the world. When an operation succeeded I discovered our values differed. The terrible shock some of you felt.. and how you still go on, is incredible to me.
I think of t.f. a lot once saying she went up on the roof for me three times. I did not know what going on the roof meant, though I am still torn up by the anguish in her voice. I was angry that a race war was taking place, angry at everything and had no idea who was friend or foe, but I know my morality. To have my actions taken out of context and cause blood? I SIMPLY WOULD NEVER HAVE DONE THIS strategically, if for no other reason. My beef is with the system, not other people who have the same problem I do, they are my natural allies.
I refuse to give up on people in this world. I understand one has to be pragmatic to mentally stay engaged in this world. Too much bullshit out there for me to shovel. I am not the person I was right after the brainwashing, or before I knew and could accept or at least go on living with the knowledge. Accept is the wrong word. I do not accept what has happened. I am particularly saddened that I am told troops were slaughtered. They sure as hell were not killed on my orders. I did not fucking know about them, and their slaughter was brought to me on a tv commercial. I cannot understand what this was like for you. I am glad I am far away from it, that my plea for a normal life was somewhat granted....
I imagine the mob is behind having a feed, but why is anyone watching, millions? What have they told you about me, what do you believe? Did you grow used to watching me, is the world in shambles just behind the illusion I live in? I have no idea what kind of madness was let lose in Cialywood, all because the drugs and the brain washing and the joker. I find the shootings horrifying, and suspect Ledger's death was part of this. I don't know but if anyone thinks I take these propaganda stunts of the great liars seriously enough to want someone hurt, you are not getting my point. Let them do their stupid shit, learn from it.
Does my side, fallen angels they call us now, or you, or me.... all so ridiculous. I was so optimistic that my sight as Jesus would come true, people would all come together. I BLEW that, thank God. Whatt I have made clear too many times, and why I had the church torn down on impulse.... I am not the person who would have you do the things you did. I did not want a church based on what I had written, the writing was not always meant to be scripture. Reading thru it now, my firm conviction bothers me. I do not ever want to confuse God and me. I do not now what either of us are but I am not the creator of this universe, etc. I do believe some strange things, and they are in a way all my own, and metaphorical because what truly is going in is way beyond any of us.
I know souls exist from astral projection. Re-incarnation therapy was way too convincing for me to not consider that another religious milestone. The others are smaller, like when I heard of women not getting pregnant, walked to the bible, opened to an obscure passage I did not know about saying women would not get pregnant when I returned, and my followers did not. The other was Dave Gilberrt's ghost....
These events are the core I go thru when I find myself needing reassurance that everything that has happened to me, points toward eternal life, souls... at least. Everything else is in contention, because the conviction of the brainwashing, without reinforcement, has become a quiet belief of my own, that I travel the eons, studying planets, collecting souls somehow in their end time. Sending them to heaven. Then I do on and on to the next planet. I believe on this planet I am similar to a returning Buddha, though more... I am not sure why … but I do feel I knw God, that I have experiencing basking in his love. I like to believe I come from a planet that is all blue, and we are tubular creatures, in various, ever changing shades of purple. We get our nourishment from the water and being close to God. We sway in gentle currents; our souls have traveled forever, since the beginnings of time in this... dimension, or clump of time, construct... our souls go off as humans, some, have learned to do. Forever is our word for time, roughly.... This is why my spending the time here on earth that it took life to develop and die on this planet was nothing to me, time wise... I have been a savior on many planets, I used to think.
I thought I could save this planet. Now I see I am here to help usher in the end. To write a scripture for those who will need one more than any other time.
During my intelligence work, and life, I guess . . . I came to be the accidental leader of a cult; acolytes they called themselves in the end. This is as much of that story as I can tell.
Monday, September 30, 2019
Wednesday, September 18, 2019
I HAVE TO FORGIVE EVERYONE
I have to keep following my moral compass. I cannot hate. I cannot give myself that stupid, destructive, luxury. I will not allow revenge or vengeance to draw blood from my input. I want nothing to do with harming anyone over the past.
I SALUTE those I have hated the most, my critics. Even as they come at me now with Joker film. I should point out a few misnomers I can see already. Though I do not in any way wish them harm, and a repeat of the Colorado Mass Murder, or the Ledger death, should not enter anyone's mind. I let the criticism wash over me, doesn't feel good as it passes, though left behind are truths I didn't know. Nine times out of ten so far, or more, I have been hated for things I did not know were happening, or were either beyond my control or I thought they were.
The schism between the reality of what was happening in my life, and what I was seeing on TV drove me mad. I was not doing a show for you. I acted as a weapon against a hostile enemy. I could see only darkness around me, and I NEVER KNEW why or who was going to like me or hate me from day to day. I cannot get around what was done, nor do I wish to. I am not going to dwell on the places inside of me that can still be effected by my reflection in the eyes of others. I learned when I drank how to hide utter humiliation. How to bury it. Later it returns, adds up, if you are lucky you quit drinking and it helps a lot in not acting like an insane, lying, ass. I can look back now and see all of this from one side of the stone, though I know inside I was doing good acts all the time.
I was not making a big thing out of it, though I wanted to tell people. Wanted to get a thank you note to the cab company for carrying a little old lady down three flights of stairs to the taxi, because they could not afford an ambulance and could not get her down themselves. Thankful, they were. Like the girl I stopped from getting a beat down by two other girls, who knew what they were doing, grabbed their prey's long hair as she walked out of a doctor's office, and started wailing punches into her face. I got out of my cab, put one of the attackers' in a bear hug, told her, THEY CALLED THE COPS, YOU GUYS SHOULD LEAVE. Then I yelled at one of the many people standing there, to stop the other woman, who was still beating up this other woman, just like I had. He follows suite, they leave. They turn out to be my fare. The grandmother had been slashed with a knife one of them had.
I tried. I did not have to exaggerate this much, though of course I did at first, as I did everything, torn between religious ecstasy and wanting to enjoy my moment of fame. I did not think, yet, it mattered much what I said or did even though the astounding events on my television and in the streets, my life, etc... I was selfishly judging the state of affairs by how I was being treated. Figured whatever side I was on was losing if the world was just chugging along like it always had, with wars all over the middle east, rich getting richer, poor poorer, etc.
I find myself over and over writing this same story, trying to reclaim my name, pick up the family shield off the battlefield. Covered in blood and guts, old rust stains dripping with black drops that turn bright red in the sun. I will not let you have the last word. Or the only words, at least, on this matter. The same values I began with I have now. I am just more judicious in my criticism, because I know it holds some weight, though even know I wish to be taken as someone who is often ill informed, might feel entirely different if fed a few more words.
I have been called nothing to my face. Closest I came was that comedian, another chance I missed to talk to someone about this who obviously knew something I did not know, passed by because I could barely live with what I did know. I heard the reports of Ann Frank living above a Bowling Alley, saw the pharmacist. I had no clue why these things would be happening. I made my views clear where I meant to communicate, in my words. Where I SAID over and over that I did not want racist, anti semites, islamobes, etc.. on my feed. I meant that then because I thought I could should just excise such stupid thinking out of my life, basically writing off people with these traits... as not worth talking to, because I felt helpless to change their minds.
I hate what it finally took for this to break apart, allow me in on the secret... took the sex crime of flashing my images into millions of houses naked, without my permission, in a sick experiment or pure, sordid money making. The feeling I had when I saw myself on your screen in my ratty green housecoat, which I wore out of madness and disrespect. You ask me why my cabinet is in front of your camera. I ask you why your camera were all over my house but you just chose to use that camera feed. I wanted the cameras gone so bad I threatened you again and again with doing something disgusting in front of them. I finally did, at what I thought was a high point, I ASKED THE SPIES FOR PRIVACY, and then my act... the least of it was not becoming a white house speech writer, and thank God I did not go up there and get involved in that hypocrisy, etc. The death and destruction would have been like nothing then I guess?
Ah, how quickly people turned on me. When you could attack you did, after being brutalized in my name. This would not have happened had I been an agent in this matter, rather than a pawn, for the first years entirely, and now? Not sure. I certainly think that the way all kinds of people are treated should be changed, and it can be done, and it is in a way a common courtesy, living in fucking society, let alone a city to bring this home.
I see the people they pit up against me and am impressed by the big guns and all the little songs they played like the stupid hit about a 401k and tearing socialists apart with their hands... wonder if those alt-right fucks are still being promoted? You do not have to worry about your retirement with socialists, you will be fucking better off, should have been my answer. I am not any one philosophy, however, and gave the answer I always do... we are a combination of socialism and capitalism, but right now we are way out of whack, to the right so far we are destroying everyone except the one percent and a lucky few.
The percentages of good people just falling away, into the streets, the assisted living facilities, the sro's that give them 30 bucks a month after room and board, specializing in ex cons who can't get a job, disabled, etc. Or worse. Under the viaducts, tents in the park in the dead of winter, never knowing when the city might come by while you are gone and take everything... or someone else will steal, or... the rapes, the od's, the first cold spells bring death each year to Chicago.
I want to help these people regardless of race or intelligence or general worth to society, as some see worth. I do not believe in disposable people. Comes too late you might think but I am just the beginning of something from which my voice will up being among the moderates, the least reactionary in some ways, while still not giving an inch of matters of serious morality.
The present mode of governing is not working. From behind the scenes we need to have our own candidates, prepared to follow our agenda. AOC is a brilliant concept, and a why not? They selected her from 10 thousand applicants. I really could care less which person is I charge, or persons, all the better. I just will not allow you to think it is me, when I have no access to the kind of scientific advice and studies a leader requires.
t
I believe a ruling council from the major sciences needs to be assembled, as well as military and computer experts. ANYONE involved in electronic mind control it goes without saying we need to snatch and grab whatever they know, and be prepared to use it. I am not sure if there is a way to test if this is being done, and I would hate to start an armed race... however I suspect they will use whatever weapons they can, especially 'seemingly' non invasive, etc. Having had my mind gang raped by scientists from an early I know they are capable of anything. I do not know if they used it on me because the circumstances were so bizarre to begin with.
I WANTED TO SAY more about phoenix and the idea of my being the Joker. I am sorry you have that view of me. This is inaccurate as you probably know and I am not going to allow you to just put the film out without responding in print. I am not going to bother seeing the film for awhile. I am sure eventually. They even chose the name Arthur. I wonder who they are trying so hard to convince the oligarchs were not behind this, that crime did not create me and keep me going well beyond when you should have cut off any lunatic on the web. And that was what I was, not a leader, not a hero, not anything. I WAS often mega-maniacal, because I had no clue what I could and could not do, and the small miracles in my life, the ones I saw with my own eyes, had convinced me there was more. I was certain I could go out into the face of an army and defeat them with lightening from the sky.
Now, I would no more... and not entirely because I do not believe this is possible, because if it happened I would probably not stop it, let it grow, into like my euphoric vision of endless lightening and fire flowing from my body. And even if that is made up, I have the storm I caused when I thought they harmed mary ann, which could have been weather control. BUT the day I pulled lightening from the sky I was on the train, sitting beside mary ann, and willed it, saw it coming down, and stopped it, all much quicker than my fingers can type. I was concerned that I would have a building right below it. This was too easy. I NEVER tried this again. I have never tried to heal the sick or any of the things in your bibles.
I saw joker wins all these awards and makes all this money, my life lied about, more blood money into he pockets of the wealthy, connected, mind controllers. Lord, how they love to hate me now. BRO'S DON'T SHOW BRO'S THEIR DICK'S I needed to hear that? M. Damen said this.
I wish the fuck you had not been watching. Why were you all watching me? Would I be one of you, saying, let's tune into that alien, or that cult killer, or that guy we hate or like or is a rebel, the threat to the status quo. The more I learn about movies, the more I WISH to destroy the status quo, get intelligence OUT OF THE ARTS ALTOGETHER. Society needs to be able to develop.
I SALUTE those I have hated the most, my critics. Even as they come at me now with Joker film. I should point out a few misnomers I can see already. Though I do not in any way wish them harm, and a repeat of the Colorado Mass Murder, or the Ledger death, should not enter anyone's mind. I let the criticism wash over me, doesn't feel good as it passes, though left behind are truths I didn't know. Nine times out of ten so far, or more, I have been hated for things I did not know were happening, or were either beyond my control or I thought they were.
The schism between the reality of what was happening in my life, and what I was seeing on TV drove me mad. I was not doing a show for you. I acted as a weapon against a hostile enemy. I could see only darkness around me, and I NEVER KNEW why or who was going to like me or hate me from day to day. I cannot get around what was done, nor do I wish to. I am not going to dwell on the places inside of me that can still be effected by my reflection in the eyes of others. I learned when I drank how to hide utter humiliation. How to bury it. Later it returns, adds up, if you are lucky you quit drinking and it helps a lot in not acting like an insane, lying, ass. I can look back now and see all of this from one side of the stone, though I know inside I was doing good acts all the time.
I was not making a big thing out of it, though I wanted to tell people. Wanted to get a thank you note to the cab company for carrying a little old lady down three flights of stairs to the taxi, because they could not afford an ambulance and could not get her down themselves. Thankful, they were. Like the girl I stopped from getting a beat down by two other girls, who knew what they were doing, grabbed their prey's long hair as she walked out of a doctor's office, and started wailing punches into her face. I got out of my cab, put one of the attackers' in a bear hug, told her, THEY CALLED THE COPS, YOU GUYS SHOULD LEAVE. Then I yelled at one of the many people standing there, to stop the other woman, who was still beating up this other woman, just like I had. He follows suite, they leave. They turn out to be my fare. The grandmother had been slashed with a knife one of them had.
I tried. I did not have to exaggerate this much, though of course I did at first, as I did everything, torn between religious ecstasy and wanting to enjoy my moment of fame. I did not think, yet, it mattered much what I said or did even though the astounding events on my television and in the streets, my life, etc... I was selfishly judging the state of affairs by how I was being treated. Figured whatever side I was on was losing if the world was just chugging along like it always had, with wars all over the middle east, rich getting richer, poor poorer, etc.
I find myself over and over writing this same story, trying to reclaim my name, pick up the family shield off the battlefield. Covered in blood and guts, old rust stains dripping with black drops that turn bright red in the sun. I will not let you have the last word. Or the only words, at least, on this matter. The same values I began with I have now. I am just more judicious in my criticism, because I know it holds some weight, though even know I wish to be taken as someone who is often ill informed, might feel entirely different if fed a few more words.
I have been called nothing to my face. Closest I came was that comedian, another chance I missed to talk to someone about this who obviously knew something I did not know, passed by because I could barely live with what I did know. I heard the reports of Ann Frank living above a Bowling Alley, saw the pharmacist. I had no clue why these things would be happening. I made my views clear where I meant to communicate, in my words. Where I SAID over and over that I did not want racist, anti semites, islamobes, etc.. on my feed. I meant that then because I thought I could should just excise such stupid thinking out of my life, basically writing off people with these traits... as not worth talking to, because I felt helpless to change their minds.
I hate what it finally took for this to break apart, allow me in on the secret... took the sex crime of flashing my images into millions of houses naked, without my permission, in a sick experiment or pure, sordid money making. The feeling I had when I saw myself on your screen in my ratty green housecoat, which I wore out of madness and disrespect. You ask me why my cabinet is in front of your camera. I ask you why your camera were all over my house but you just chose to use that camera feed. I wanted the cameras gone so bad I threatened you again and again with doing something disgusting in front of them. I finally did, at what I thought was a high point, I ASKED THE SPIES FOR PRIVACY, and then my act... the least of it was not becoming a white house speech writer, and thank God I did not go up there and get involved in that hypocrisy, etc. The death and destruction would have been like nothing then I guess?
Ah, how quickly people turned on me. When you could attack you did, after being brutalized in my name. This would not have happened had I been an agent in this matter, rather than a pawn, for the first years entirely, and now? Not sure. I certainly think that the way all kinds of people are treated should be changed, and it can be done, and it is in a way a common courtesy, living in fucking society, let alone a city to bring this home.
I see the people they pit up against me and am impressed by the big guns and all the little songs they played like the stupid hit about a 401k and tearing socialists apart with their hands... wonder if those alt-right fucks are still being promoted? You do not have to worry about your retirement with socialists, you will be fucking better off, should have been my answer. I am not any one philosophy, however, and gave the answer I always do... we are a combination of socialism and capitalism, but right now we are way out of whack, to the right so far we are destroying everyone except the one percent and a lucky few.
The percentages of good people just falling away, into the streets, the assisted living facilities, the sro's that give them 30 bucks a month after room and board, specializing in ex cons who can't get a job, disabled, etc. Or worse. Under the viaducts, tents in the park in the dead of winter, never knowing when the city might come by while you are gone and take everything... or someone else will steal, or... the rapes, the od's, the first cold spells bring death each year to Chicago.
I want to help these people regardless of race or intelligence or general worth to society, as some see worth. I do not believe in disposable people. Comes too late you might think but I am just the beginning of something from which my voice will up being among the moderates, the least reactionary in some ways, while still not giving an inch of matters of serious morality.
The present mode of governing is not working. From behind the scenes we need to have our own candidates, prepared to follow our agenda. AOC is a brilliant concept, and a why not? They selected her from 10 thousand applicants. I really could care less which person is I charge, or persons, all the better. I just will not allow you to think it is me, when I have no access to the kind of scientific advice and studies a leader requires.
t
I believe a ruling council from the major sciences needs to be assembled, as well as military and computer experts. ANYONE involved in electronic mind control it goes without saying we need to snatch and grab whatever they know, and be prepared to use it. I am not sure if there is a way to test if this is being done, and I would hate to start an armed race... however I suspect they will use whatever weapons they can, especially 'seemingly' non invasive, etc. Having had my mind gang raped by scientists from an early I know they are capable of anything. I do not know if they used it on me because the circumstances were so bizarre to begin with.
I WANTED TO SAY more about phoenix and the idea of my being the Joker. I am sorry you have that view of me. This is inaccurate as you probably know and I am not going to allow you to just put the film out without responding in print. I am not going to bother seeing the film for awhile. I am sure eventually. They even chose the name Arthur. I wonder who they are trying so hard to convince the oligarchs were not behind this, that crime did not create me and keep me going well beyond when you should have cut off any lunatic on the web. And that was what I was, not a leader, not a hero, not anything. I WAS often mega-maniacal, because I had no clue what I could and could not do, and the small miracles in my life, the ones I saw with my own eyes, had convinced me there was more. I was certain I could go out into the face of an army and defeat them with lightening from the sky.
Now, I would no more... and not entirely because I do not believe this is possible, because if it happened I would probably not stop it, let it grow, into like my euphoric vision of endless lightening and fire flowing from my body. And even if that is made up, I have the storm I caused when I thought they harmed mary ann, which could have been weather control. BUT the day I pulled lightening from the sky I was on the train, sitting beside mary ann, and willed it, saw it coming down, and stopped it, all much quicker than my fingers can type. I was concerned that I would have a building right below it. This was too easy. I NEVER tried this again. I have never tried to heal the sick or any of the things in your bibles.
I saw joker wins all these awards and makes all this money, my life lied about, more blood money into he pockets of the wealthy, connected, mind controllers. Lord, how they love to hate me now. BRO'S DON'T SHOW BRO'S THEIR DICK'S I needed to hear that? M. Damen said this.
I wish the fuck you had not been watching. Why were you all watching me? Would I be one of you, saying, let's tune into that alien, or that cult killer, or that guy we hate or like or is a rebel, the threat to the status quo. The more I learn about movies, the more I WISH to destroy the status quo, get intelligence OUT OF THE ARTS ALTOGETHER. Society needs to be able to develop.
Friday, September 6, 2019
Supernatural
Do you consider my believing the atmosphere will die a true apocalypse? Is this the message with chuck appearing as a distant asshole, which I have hardly been and have never meant to abandon you in any fight, had I known there was anything in my power to do so. I do not expect to be an influencer, and if I am looked at as magical n any way that makes me not a seeker of truth and justice not the defense for the sins of my time. My point is and should have always been, there is one greater than I and look for him, not me.
I am nothing but a message. Not even a messenger with another life, who will deliver other messages. I am the message. I am here. Life is over. I will hopefully not live to see it. I do not want and will not be the cause of it, that is a vow I do not have to take, just true.
I keep hearing Sam saying I consider them just a show. I think the way people face this sinking ship will us my mission. Ushering people into the end, Gabriel blowing his horn... I write this because of the show, Dominion. The evil angels... a spy tells me these are my people, what happened to them, become carnivorous murderers.
There is nothing to laugh about when it comes to some people.
I do not care what GOD has put you thru. I was not part of that decision, or they never would have been made. A man is all I ever prepared to be, and is all I know how to be. All I am meant to be. God's drive people mad with their presence, and they deserve worship no more than celebrities. SMART celebrities keep this in mind their entire careers.
When I read now of celebrities I should have sympathy always. They have all been used or forced to make impossible choices, long before I came along and thought I could offer a way out. A means to end the churning out of lie after lie until I realize, perhaps, the mental health of the world depends on keeping the future a secret. The apocalypse is not longer a fever dream, something I had a vision of... I could no more imagine myself truly wanting to harm anyone let alone the world. I had an active fantasy life, got out my frustrations, my suicidal thoughts, by projecting harm on others, usually evil. Though they could as easily be someone who said or did something I wish they had not and I wanted the story to end with my kicking their ass... so I made a few of those stories up over the years, lived my own story, creating what I hoped would be the better part of what was said of me, when I was famous, which I always expected to be than gave up on that, just when it happened. I did not do well with the mind they gave me, of course.
I believed my own press. My own feelings. My mind. I went a place that has nothing to do with this material world, which makes it seem fleeting as a flash of light at night. Souls themselves creatures of great beauty, untouchable by this experience, learning or caught or... I am not sure why we are here. Perhaps we were trapped, by the life forms on these planets, and we are souls. Only the destruction of the planet would free us, as it had before, from other planets. Controlled by a timeless immortality what looks to as a long time gives humans a blip of the last era to destroy things. A bomb lit and tossed at life, to destroy what our dna created survival instinct holds so dear. Maybe kindly aliens passed, took the apes, made them patriarchal and cruel and sent the out to think up a way to kill all life -- their ancient enemies, the seas and the forests, finally vanquished... man versus nature has their winner. One of the six prime plots in literature is there for a reason, deep and unknowable in all but speculation.
Nothing is just a show to me and I think about these matters all the time, when I appear to be sleeping, and in between the naps, the ground I have to cover if large, making sense of everything I saw and heard with my new knowledge. I am glad my memory was triggered, heightened, as if I had a danger to identify and must never forget, during most of the later encounters. During the early ones, I have trouble with some memories simply because playing them through is so emotionally difficult that without good reason, I do not add to the too much already on my plate.
Or I rationalize, because I have caused so much pain.... I do not wish to do so again. This is not my way. I wish I did not feel that everyone hates me. I wish I did not feel that they have a right to in too many ways. Not knowing is not enough. Pretending is what I have been doing for quite some time. Keeping the real me deeply buried under a cover, all the way pretending to break one cover. I am not the type to plan too far ahead. I see only disaster when I do.
Angel down. The president nor anyone else is in danger of a terrorist with nuclear bombs scattered around this country. NO ONE. Stop taking what I write and blowing everything out or proportion....
What I would like you to think and what you need fear are two different matters in one way -- I am not an idiot. I do not want to fucking hurt anyone. You are murderers. I was mistaken for one, and brainwashed into one. But I am a killer. There is a huge, huge difference. God will decide which is which in all our cases, though I do not fear the Judgement of my maker for my past I do for my Future, as I ALWAYS have... I cannot look there anymore except to plan the non violent, a way that does not involve mass suicides or murder or any of the messes people will start to bring up. We must be the shepards who stayed with their flock when there was no hope of winning, to give them courage, hope... and however slim, a chance... one chance in hell is better than none. I hear every soul in hell clamoring that immortality in pain opposed to one chance... whether real or not.
KEEP ENOUGH or YOUR EVEN ILL BEGOTTEN GAINS to have peace. We will set the limits fair and give you more than enough for a life of luxurious leisure. What more can you ask of us? To allow the poor to die? To fight in another senseless war. Yes, we will lose. You will be hurt though and maybe only a pyhricc victory will await you.... though I personally do not wish to waste lives, efforts, or resources on fighting, at a time when they will precious to survival itself.
I had a vision the other day, or this very wide way of thinking, where I could almost feel the books opening all over my unconscious, releasing the bits of knowledge that would blend with others in my unconscious, to finally try to translate down into the words used by my consciousness. I felt only a poem of a few words could do that. I was wrong. Plans need to be clearly explained, laws there for all. There should never be rank. Rank is rank. There has to be people in charge, but I hope they are soft spoken and kind hearted.
I once said I needed hard people to do this work. What work? Revolting. I thought. Other times I must have been lost in … a dream. A way of trying to do what?
Years of being in a drama, you in tv and movie sweated and fought and schemed and raged, rightly so, to fight. A theocracy could not and should not be allowed in any way. All religions and no religion is acceptable to me. Especially when they leave all but their ethics behind, when they concentrate on working on our sinking ship together. When the ship is sinking you put all your differences aside and try to stay afloat.
I do not want to head off to starve in a life raft, or become dinner for another boat. I cannot imagine what has been gone thru to make socialism a near reality in the usa. tRump will run against this all he can, which the dem's fear will lead to a win, so they are going with Biden, hoping his buddy Obama will come thru in the end. well, knows he will. He looks so good to non discerning eye compared to trump as the same wars rage.
my words come as poetry whether I mean them to or not
the paragraphs do not want to hold together
line breaks appear mid sentence at times
the thoughts are more a net tossed in air
than a picture of the catch
I am unable to function as a writer of these kind of words anymore.
Something is broken.
In my mind.'
Fixable surely.
I have never meant to abandon you. I do not know your situation, or I would help. Do you think I have been ignoring the shadow world, taking the red pill for awhile? I guess I was now that I think about this and you are right to criticize me. I should be speaking now directly to those who have been there. Why I utilize my time interacting with people who are not witting? It is illogical now that I think about it....
But this does not mean my thoughts were not elsewhere most of the time. If you could see inside my head you would find I examine your shows over and over and certain lines I heard echo in my mind always, the criticisms mostly, because they stung and when I saw the truth in them... I felt I was able to alter my behavior somewhat... but Mostly, I have not felt like there was anyone out there who wanted me much but dead, then I find this not to be true once again. This famous guy you speak of is not the person who is sitting here. I had my parade and I walked by it selfishly, the carefully planned parade that wanted to be seen by this deity, I applauded the Jessie... acrobats and the cops and then walked on to our meeting. I wanted to change the world, not be worshiped, not to be an icon.
I did not mean to harm your sensibilities the way that I have. I would never have hurt your feelings if all of this was entirely real to me. For some reason, God placed me at a distance from this world and there is probably a very good reason for that. I am weak. I am at my best when God keeps me from temptation, as he does.. she does.. God was more of an it, to our rules of grammar, but this God did not feel like anything to me, just was glimpsed, though the God in my heart, the one I used to talk aloud to as a friend a lot of times in the past... is just Love. The sex does not enter my mind at all and writing the same occurs... SO MANY stupid digreessions.
I admit to you, I should have been more alarmed by what you were trying to tell me. I am sorry. I have been cocooned in a way, going along with the general mindset, the unwitting, talking stupidly of politics, knowing what I KNOW about that.
I just thought, the man of letters, and how...
I do think of the awesome effort that the television crews did, now.... I am grateful to them for what they looked for in the beginning, before I felt the world had become my enemy, not understanding yet the nature of those watching me, let alone their circumstances.
I was mistaken for a madman by all of you. I was acting at times because I felt it was my only way o fighting back against a force too large for me to comprehend. If only I had not been locked in this prison, looking out at what you were trying to tell me in a fictionalized, usually, format. I felt intruded on, and you were watching someone God only knows who was making money off.... I was driven half crazy going from thinking one thing was going on and then another..... when I discovered this thing had made me famous, I thought this might be a good thing.... but no, it sure as fuck was not.
I am so overwhelmed by the thought of all the effort that was put into this endeavor.... a revolution that must never stop standing back up after being knocked down, until the day comes we stand over our fallen enemy.
I am nothing but a message. Not even a messenger with another life, who will deliver other messages. I am the message. I am here. Life is over. I will hopefully not live to see it. I do not want and will not be the cause of it, that is a vow I do not have to take, just true.
I keep hearing Sam saying I consider them just a show. I think the way people face this sinking ship will us my mission. Ushering people into the end, Gabriel blowing his horn... I write this because of the show, Dominion. The evil angels... a spy tells me these are my people, what happened to them, become carnivorous murderers.
There is nothing to laugh about when it comes to some people.
I do not care what GOD has put you thru. I was not part of that decision, or they never would have been made. A man is all I ever prepared to be, and is all I know how to be. All I am meant to be. God's drive people mad with their presence, and they deserve worship no more than celebrities. SMART celebrities keep this in mind their entire careers.
When I read now of celebrities I should have sympathy always. They have all been used or forced to make impossible choices, long before I came along and thought I could offer a way out. A means to end the churning out of lie after lie until I realize, perhaps, the mental health of the world depends on keeping the future a secret. The apocalypse is not longer a fever dream, something I had a vision of... I could no more imagine myself truly wanting to harm anyone let alone the world. I had an active fantasy life, got out my frustrations, my suicidal thoughts, by projecting harm on others, usually evil. Though they could as easily be someone who said or did something I wish they had not and I wanted the story to end with my kicking their ass... so I made a few of those stories up over the years, lived my own story, creating what I hoped would be the better part of what was said of me, when I was famous, which I always expected to be than gave up on that, just when it happened. I did not do well with the mind they gave me, of course.
I believed my own press. My own feelings. My mind. I went a place that has nothing to do with this material world, which makes it seem fleeting as a flash of light at night. Souls themselves creatures of great beauty, untouchable by this experience, learning or caught or... I am not sure why we are here. Perhaps we were trapped, by the life forms on these planets, and we are souls. Only the destruction of the planet would free us, as it had before, from other planets. Controlled by a timeless immortality what looks to as a long time gives humans a blip of the last era to destroy things. A bomb lit and tossed at life, to destroy what our dna created survival instinct holds so dear. Maybe kindly aliens passed, took the apes, made them patriarchal and cruel and sent the out to think up a way to kill all life -- their ancient enemies, the seas and the forests, finally vanquished... man versus nature has their winner. One of the six prime plots in literature is there for a reason, deep and unknowable in all but speculation.
Nothing is just a show to me and I think about these matters all the time, when I appear to be sleeping, and in between the naps, the ground I have to cover if large, making sense of everything I saw and heard with my new knowledge. I am glad my memory was triggered, heightened, as if I had a danger to identify and must never forget, during most of the later encounters. During the early ones, I have trouble with some memories simply because playing them through is so emotionally difficult that without good reason, I do not add to the too much already on my plate.
Or I rationalize, because I have caused so much pain.... I do not wish to do so again. This is not my way. I wish I did not feel that everyone hates me. I wish I did not feel that they have a right to in too many ways. Not knowing is not enough. Pretending is what I have been doing for quite some time. Keeping the real me deeply buried under a cover, all the way pretending to break one cover. I am not the type to plan too far ahead. I see only disaster when I do.
Angel down. The president nor anyone else is in danger of a terrorist with nuclear bombs scattered around this country. NO ONE. Stop taking what I write and blowing everything out or proportion....
What I would like you to think and what you need fear are two different matters in one way -- I am not an idiot. I do not want to fucking hurt anyone. You are murderers. I was mistaken for one, and brainwashed into one. But I am a killer. There is a huge, huge difference. God will decide which is which in all our cases, though I do not fear the Judgement of my maker for my past I do for my Future, as I ALWAYS have... I cannot look there anymore except to plan the non violent, a way that does not involve mass suicides or murder or any of the messes people will start to bring up. We must be the shepards who stayed with their flock when there was no hope of winning, to give them courage, hope... and however slim, a chance... one chance in hell is better than none. I hear every soul in hell clamoring that immortality in pain opposed to one chance... whether real or not.
KEEP ENOUGH or YOUR EVEN ILL BEGOTTEN GAINS to have peace. We will set the limits fair and give you more than enough for a life of luxurious leisure. What more can you ask of us? To allow the poor to die? To fight in another senseless war. Yes, we will lose. You will be hurt though and maybe only a pyhricc victory will await you.... though I personally do not wish to waste lives, efforts, or resources on fighting, at a time when they will precious to survival itself.
I had a vision the other day, or this very wide way of thinking, where I could almost feel the books opening all over my unconscious, releasing the bits of knowledge that would blend with others in my unconscious, to finally try to translate down into the words used by my consciousness. I felt only a poem of a few words could do that. I was wrong. Plans need to be clearly explained, laws there for all. There should never be rank. Rank is rank. There has to be people in charge, but I hope they are soft spoken and kind hearted.
I once said I needed hard people to do this work. What work? Revolting. I thought. Other times I must have been lost in … a dream. A way of trying to do what?
Years of being in a drama, you in tv and movie sweated and fought and schemed and raged, rightly so, to fight. A theocracy could not and should not be allowed in any way. All religions and no religion is acceptable to me. Especially when they leave all but their ethics behind, when they concentrate on working on our sinking ship together. When the ship is sinking you put all your differences aside and try to stay afloat.
I do not want to head off to starve in a life raft, or become dinner for another boat. I cannot imagine what has been gone thru to make socialism a near reality in the usa. tRump will run against this all he can, which the dem's fear will lead to a win, so they are going with Biden, hoping his buddy Obama will come thru in the end. well, knows he will. He looks so good to non discerning eye compared to trump as the same wars rage.
my words come as poetry whether I mean them to or not
the paragraphs do not want to hold together
line breaks appear mid sentence at times
the thoughts are more a net tossed in air
than a picture of the catch
I am unable to function as a writer of these kind of words anymore.
Something is broken.
In my mind.'
Fixable surely.
I have never meant to abandon you. I do not know your situation, or I would help. Do you think I have been ignoring the shadow world, taking the red pill for awhile? I guess I was now that I think about this and you are right to criticize me. I should be speaking now directly to those who have been there. Why I utilize my time interacting with people who are not witting? It is illogical now that I think about it....
But this does not mean my thoughts were not elsewhere most of the time. If you could see inside my head you would find I examine your shows over and over and certain lines I heard echo in my mind always, the criticisms mostly, because they stung and when I saw the truth in them... I felt I was able to alter my behavior somewhat... but Mostly, I have not felt like there was anyone out there who wanted me much but dead, then I find this not to be true once again. This famous guy you speak of is not the person who is sitting here. I had my parade and I walked by it selfishly, the carefully planned parade that wanted to be seen by this deity, I applauded the Jessie... acrobats and the cops and then walked on to our meeting. I wanted to change the world, not be worshiped, not to be an icon.
I did not mean to harm your sensibilities the way that I have. I would never have hurt your feelings if all of this was entirely real to me. For some reason, God placed me at a distance from this world and there is probably a very good reason for that. I am weak. I am at my best when God keeps me from temptation, as he does.. she does.. God was more of an it, to our rules of grammar, but this God did not feel like anything to me, just was glimpsed, though the God in my heart, the one I used to talk aloud to as a friend a lot of times in the past... is just Love. The sex does not enter my mind at all and writing the same occurs... SO MANY stupid digreessions.
I admit to you, I should have been more alarmed by what you were trying to tell me. I am sorry. I have been cocooned in a way, going along with the general mindset, the unwitting, talking stupidly of politics, knowing what I KNOW about that.
I just thought, the man of letters, and how...
I do think of the awesome effort that the television crews did, now.... I am grateful to them for what they looked for in the beginning, before I felt the world had become my enemy, not understanding yet the nature of those watching me, let alone their circumstances.
I was mistaken for a madman by all of you. I was acting at times because I felt it was my only way o fighting back against a force too large for me to comprehend. If only I had not been locked in this prison, looking out at what you were trying to tell me in a fictionalized, usually, format. I felt intruded on, and you were watching someone God only knows who was making money off.... I was driven half crazy going from thinking one thing was going on and then another..... when I discovered this thing had made me famous, I thought this might be a good thing.... but no, it sure as fuck was not.
I am so overwhelmed by the thought of all the effort that was put into this endeavor.... a revolution that must never stop standing back up after being knocked down, until the day comes we stand over our fallen enemy.
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