I HAVE TO FORGIVE EVERYONE

I have to keep following my moral compass.  I cannot hate.  I cannot give myself that stupid, destructive, luxury.  I will not allow revenge or vengeance to draw blood from my input.  I want nothing to do with harming anyone over the past.

I SALUTE those I have hated the most, my critics.  Even as they come at me now with Joker film.  I should point out a few misnomers I can see already.  Though I do not in any way wish them harm, and a repeat of the Colorado Mass Murder, or the Ledger death, should not enter anyone's mind.   I let the criticism wash over me, doesn't feel good as it passes, though left behind are truths I didn't know.  Nine times out of ten so far, or more, I have been hated for things I did not know were happening, or were either beyond my control or I thought they were.

The schism between the reality of what was happening in my life, and what I was seeing on TV drove me mad.   I was not doing a show for you.  I acted as a weapon against a hostile enemy.  I could see only darkness around me, and I NEVER KNEW why or who was going to like me or hate me from day to day.  I cannot get around what was done, nor do I wish to.  I am not going to dwell on the places inside of me that can still be effected by my reflection in the eyes of others.  I learned when I drank how to hide utter humiliation.   How to bury it.  Later it returns, adds up, if you are lucky you quit drinking and it helps a lot in not acting like an insane, lying, ass.  I can look back now and see all of this from one side of the stone, though I know inside I was doing good acts all the time.

I was not making a big thing out of it, though I wanted to tell people.  Wanted to get a thank you note to the cab company for carrying a little old lady down three flights of stairs to the taxi, because they could not afford an ambulance and could not get her down themselves.  Thankful, they were.  Like the girl I stopped from getting a beat down by two other girls, who knew what they were doing, grabbed their prey's long hair as she walked out of a doctor's office, and started wailing punches into her face.  I got out of my cab, put one of the attackers' in a bear hug, told her, THEY CALLED THE COPS, YOU GUYS SHOULD LEAVE.   Then I yelled at one of the many people standing there, to stop the other woman, who was still beating up this other woman, just like I had.  He follows suite, they leave.  They turn out to be my fare.  The grandmother had been slashed with a knife one of them had.

I tried.  I did not have to exaggerate this much, though of course I did at first, as I did everything, torn between religious ecstasy and wanting to enjoy my moment of fame.  I did not think, yet, it mattered much what I said or did even though the astounding events on my television and in the streets, my life, etc...  I was selfishly judging the state of affairs by how I was being treated.  Figured whatever side I was on was losing if the world was just chugging along like it always had, with wars all over the middle east, rich getting richer, poor poorer, etc.

I find myself over and over writing this same story, trying to reclaim my name, pick up the family shield off the battlefield.  Covered in blood and guts, old rust stains dripping with black drops that turn bright red in the sun.  I will not let you have the last word.  Or the only words, at least, on this matter.  The same values I began with I have now.  I am just more judicious in my criticism, because I know it holds some weight, though even know I wish to be taken as someone who is often ill informed, might feel entirely different if fed a few more words.

I have been called nothing to my face.  Closest I came was that comedian, another chance I missed to talk to someone about this who obviously knew something I did not know, passed by because I could barely live with what I did know.   I heard the reports of Ann Frank living above a Bowling Alley, saw the pharmacist.  I had no clue why these things would be happening.   I made my views clear where I meant to communicate, in my words.  Where I SAID over and over that I did not want racist, anti semites, islamobes, etc..  on my feed.  I meant that then because I thought I could should just excise such stupid thinking out of my life, basically writing off people with these traits...  as not worth talking to, because I felt helpless to change their minds.

I hate what it finally took for this to break apart, allow me in on the secret...   took the sex crime of flashing my images into millions of houses naked, without my permission, in a sick experiment or pure, sordid money making.  The feeling I had when I saw myself on your screen in my ratty green housecoat, which I wore out of madness and disrespect.  You ask me why my cabinet is in front of your camera.   I ask you why your camera were all over my house but you just chose to use that camera feed.  I wanted the cameras gone so bad I threatened you again and again with doing something disgusting in front of them.   I finally did, at what I thought was a high point, I ASKED THE SPIES FOR PRIVACY, and then my act...   the least of it was not becoming a white house speech writer, and thank God I did not go up there and get involved in that hypocrisy, etc.   The death and destruction would have been like nothing then I guess?

Ah, how quickly people turned on me.  When you could attack you did, after being brutalized in my name.   This would not have happened had I been an agent in this matter, rather than a pawn, for the first years entirely, and now?   Not sure.  I certainly think that the way all kinds of people are treated should be changed, and it can be done, and it is in a way a common courtesy, living in fucking society, let alone a city to bring this home.


I see the people they pit up against me and am impressed by the big guns and all the little songs they played like the stupid hit about a 401k and tearing socialists apart with their hands... wonder if those alt-right fucks are still being promoted?  You do not have to worry about your retirement with socialists, you will be fucking better off, should have been my answer.  I am not any one philosophy, however, and gave the answer I always do...  we are a combination of socialism and capitalism,  but right now we are way out of whack, to the right so far we are destroying everyone except the one percent and a lucky few.

The percentages of good people just falling away, into the streets, the assisted living facilities, the sro's that give them 30 bucks a month after room and board, specializing in ex cons who can't get a job, disabled, etc.  Or worse.  Under the viaducts, tents in the park in the dead of winter, never knowing when the city might come by while you are gone and take everything... or someone else will steal, or...  the rapes, the od's, the first cold spells bring death each year to Chicago.

I want to help these people regardless of race or intelligence or general worth to society, as some see worth.  I do not believe in disposable people.  Comes too late you might think but I am just the beginning of something from which my voice will up being among the moderates, the least reactionary in some ways, while still not giving an inch of matters of serious morality.

The present mode of governing is not working.  From behind the scenes we need to have our own candidates, prepared to follow our agenda.  AOC is a brilliant concept, and a why not?   They selected her from 10 thousand applicants.  I really could care less which person is I charge, or persons, all the better.  I just will not allow you to think it is me, when I have no access to the kind of scientific advice and studies a leader requires.
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I believe a ruling council from the major sciences needs to be assembled, as well as military and computer experts.  ANYONE involved in electronic mind control it goes without saying we need to snatch and grab whatever they know, and be prepared to use it.   I am not sure if there is a way to test if this is being done, and I would hate to start an armed race... however I suspect they will use whatever weapons they can, especially 'seemingly' non invasive, etc.   Having had my mind gang raped by scientists from an early I know they are capable of anything.  I do not know if they used it on me because the circumstances were so bizarre to begin with.

I WANTED TO SAY more about phoenix and the idea of my being the Joker.  I am sorry you have that view of me.  This is inaccurate as you probably know and I am not going to allow you to just put the film out without responding in print.   I am not going to bother seeing the film for awhile.   I am sure eventually.  They even chose the name Arthur.   I wonder who they are trying so hard to convince the oligarchs were not behind this, that crime did not create me and keep me going well beyond when you should have cut off any lunatic on the web.  And that was what I was, not a leader, not a hero, not anything.   I WAS often mega-maniacal, because I had no clue what I could and could not do, and the small miracles in my life, the ones I saw with my own eyes, had convinced me there was more.  I was certain I could go out into the face of an army and defeat them with lightening from the sky.

Now, I would no more...  and not entirely because I do not believe this is possible, because if it happened I would probably not stop it, let it grow, into like my euphoric vision of endless lightening and fire flowing from my body.  And even if that is made up, I have the storm I caused when I thought they harmed mary ann, which could have been weather control.  BUT the day I pulled lightening from the sky I was on the train, sitting beside mary ann, and willed it, saw it coming down, and stopped it, all much quicker than my fingers can type.    I was concerned that I would have a building right below it.   This was too easy.  I NEVER tried this again.  I have never tried to heal the sick or any of the things in your bibles.


I saw joker wins all these awards and makes all this money, my life lied about, more blood money into he pockets of the wealthy, connected, mind controllers.   Lord, how they love to hate me now.  BRO'S DON'T SHOW BRO'S THEIR DICK'S  I needed to hear that?  M.  Damen said this.
I wish the fuck you had not been watching.   Why were you all watching me?   Would I be one of you, saying, let's tune into that alien, or that cult killer, or that guy we hate or like or is a rebel, the threat to the status quo.  The more I learn about movies, the more I WISH to destroy the status quo, get intelligence OUT OF THE ARTS ALTOGETHER.  Society needs to be able to develop.