Why Do People Watch Me/

      Do you expect me to rally the troops, to fight somehow in a way that I HAVE NO CLUE what to add or even why?  Do I still believe in ugly justice, yeah.  I just believe it has to be JUST, not just fucking ugly.

     I think of these non stop.  You cannot tell, think I am sleeping on the couch.  Do you want Johnny Pain to scream, "Kill, kill, kill."  I am no manson.  I do not expect some small or even large sect to take over the world.  When an operation succeeded I discovered our values differed.  The terrible shock some of you felt..  and how you still go on, is incredible to me.

I think of t.f. a lot once saying she went up on the roof for me three times.   I did not know what going on the roof meant, though I am still torn up by the anguish in her voice.  I was angry that a race war was taking place, angry at everything and had no idea who was friend or foe, but I know my morality.  To have my actions taken out of context and cause blood?  I SIMPLY WOULD NEVER HAVE DONE THIS strategically, if for no other reason.   My beef is with the system, not other people who have the same problem I do, they are my natural allies.

I refuse to give up on people in this world.   I understand one has to be pragmatic to mentally stay engaged in this world.  Too much bullshit out there for me to shovel.   I am not the person I was right after the brainwashing, or before I knew and could accept or at least go on living with the knowledge.  Accept is the wrong word.  I do not accept what has happened.  I am particularly saddened that I am told troops were slaughtered.   They sure as hell were not killed on my orders.   I did not fucking know about them, and their slaughter was brought to me on a tv commercial.   I cannot understand what this was like for you.   I am glad I am far away from it, that my plea for a normal life was somewhat granted....

I imagine the mob is behind having a feed, but why is anyone watching, millions?  What have they told you about me, what do you believe?   Did you grow used to watching me, is the world in shambles just behind the illusion I live in?   I have no idea what kind of madness was let lose in Cialywood, all because the drugs and the brain washing and the joker.   I find the shootings horrifying, and suspect Ledger's death was part of this.   I don't know but if anyone thinks I take these propaganda stunts of the great liars seriously enough to want someone hurt, you are not getting my point. Let them do their stupid shit, learn from it.

Does my side, fallen angels they call us now, or you, or me....    all so ridiculous.  I was so optimistic that my sight as Jesus would come true, people would all come together.   I BLEW that, thank God.  Whatt I have made clear too many times, and why I had the church torn down on impulse....  I am not the person who would have you do the things you did.  I did not want a church based on what I had written, the writing was not always meant to be scripture.  Reading thru it now, my firm conviction  bothers me. I do not ever want to confuse God and me.  I do not now what either of us are but I am not the creator of this universe, etc.   I do believe some strange things, and they are in a way all my own, and metaphorical because what truly is going in is way beyond any of us.


I know souls exist from astral projection.  Re-incarnation therapy was way too convincing for me to not consider that another religious milestone.   The others are smaller, like when I heard of women not getting pregnant, walked to the bible, opened to an obscure passage I did not know about saying women would not get pregnant when I returned, and my followers did not.   The other was Dave Gilberrt's ghost....


These events are the core I go thru when I find myself needing reassurance that everything that has happened to me, points toward eternal life, souls...  at least.   Everything else is in contention, because the conviction of the brainwashing, without reinforcement, has become a quiet belief of my own, that I travel the eons, studying planets, collecting souls somehow in their end time.  Sending them to heaven.  Then I do on and on to the next planet.    I believe on this planet I am similar to a returning Buddha, though more...  I am not sure why …   but I do feel I knw God, that I have experiencing basking in his love.  I like to believe I come from a planet that is all blue, and we are tubular creatures, in various, ever changing shades of purple.   We get our nourishment from the water and being close to God.  We sway in gentle currents;  our souls have traveled forever, since the beginnings of time in this... dimension, or clump of time, construct...  our souls go off as humans, some, have learned to do.  Forever is our word for time, roughly....   This is why my spending the time here on earth that it took life to develop and die on this planet was nothing to me, time wise... I have been a savior on many planets, I used to think.



I thought I could save this planet.  Now I see I am here to help usher in the end.  To write a scripture for those who will need one more than any other time.