I have to remember to engage

in the unseen.

To remember that nothing is as it seems in this world, and I should not expect it to be.  I am done pretending though.  The time has come to just write.  I am out of practice at more than the pithy phrase, not that this skill will not come in handy.


The time has come to either quit writing altogether.... which may...  this has always been how I spoke to the world.  My best words, preferably edited and honed.  Now nothing.  Oh, well.  I need to write a story that resonates with the world or not.  Maybe I am ….  no the mission must adjust.  The core value in a way is the same, bringing down the wealth gap, and the power gap, in the USA, but the grip of the oligarchy is tight.

I AM SORRY if I let he environment hit me so hard I felt like I wanted to lay down and die.  I am sorry you watched as I put my cat to sleep.  I do not think of myself as being watched all the time, do not think of my life as a show that would interest anyone, especially now that I especially make it so, I hope.   I love people.  I love all of you.  I love the ones with beliefs I despise, who have done the worst of acts, I see the other sides you possess, and I see an everlasting soul, that has being put thru the pain of life for reasons beyond me?

I WANT to be of use, but I do not wish to fight beside just anyone.  I remember once, in a mania, as I crossed my street in roger's park, almost home, shouting, I DO NOT CARE which army is behind me, as long as I win.   I believed in that moment that to lose would mean the world was going to hell in a hand basket.  I had no idea I had unleashed hell, in the name of Salvation, and forgiveness.  I was taken by a brainwashed dream of pure love and astounded I existed, and the implications of that on a metaphysical level, while you acted purely as a mob, which I never expected would be attracted to me.  I wanted fame, though I had kind of given up on that, and was happy just to be writing to an audience.

I see now things happening so slowly.  I am not sure how to approach tRump, because I do not want him to able to use them.   They were used in my name.  I am at peace with the past.  I do not care whether you are or not, because I will war if needed.  I never feel unarmed, the power of my God is great.

I hate that I am made people so damn afraid.  I do not want chaos.  I do not want fire and brimstone.  I DO NOT want a violent revolution.  I do not get to choose though, do I?  The game was being played long before I came along, continue now unabated and still.... I have to take on faith you have the same beliefs I have.  I want to empower women.   I do not ever want to hold onto power, I would pass it out... to as many as possible.  I would edit little Hitlers, however.

What is to come of us mother lord and savior?