During my intelligence work, and life, I guess . . . I came to be the accidental leader of a cult; acolytes they called themselves in the end. This is as much of that story as I can tell.
Tuesday, December 24, 2019
BOWIE'S BLACKSTAR.slams me or some shit... an old man who scammed on on young women during his long marriage.
I finally listened to this song, and was saddened to find more propaganda about me... or a song about this situation. His right and all, though... well, there are many sides to this matter. I have to understand I will be hated. I have to accept that. This has always been much easier to believe than my being liked.
He wrote the lines I am not a pornstar, gangster, film star, but the great I AM... just what I said to people. He was making the album in 013/14, when the blood was still fresh, and the machine was churning out the hatred of the performers who had been used in this fiasco of operation bluebeam. Those preyed upon by the hounds of hell I gave free reign over the people, blessed them like a pope telling knights before a crusade that all their sins would be forgiven.
I found out only when I was filmed masturbating, an act of defiance against what I considered a torturous existence of being filmed..,, SOME THINGS ARE X RATED... hardly meant I wanted my life to appear X rated to you.... What you were doing, by losing support, seemingly, though they were part of why I was not able to learn much about what was going on, let alone provide leadership, which I would have, had I known.
I keep remembering how they made a hit of some Irish band slamming religion, saying if you confessed you would be cut open.
This is serious of course because the Irish blame me for lack of leadership, as do the Mexicans, when I did not know enough about the situation in the world to do much more than watch you and wait, for the day, when I would finally be told what was happening around me? When I did find out it was hard to imagine anyone had gone thru such things.
I cruelly called your valiant efforts at revolution stupid because you saw a map in my stories that I did not mean to place there. I was not told what this world is really like until it was too late to do much more than say NO. I DO NOT DESERVE TO BE WORSHIPPED. I thought of a church based on the mish mash of ideas one could draw from my writing, if including the comedy, etc... and deep in my soul I felt the new level of anguish I had learned while involved in intelligence.
I see now how we should have righted a few wrongs in this world, etcetera. I see also now that no matter what I do I WILL ALWAYS BEAR THE MARK OF A KILLER. I am not pretending my hands are clean, let alone my conscious. Quite the opposite. My strategies over the years changed while I was talking to the bugs....
Now they tell me they are watching again, and I see subtle influences I have had. I am surprised by the cohesion of the group in Chicago to work for good, and elect at true reformer to the office of Mayor. The communists backed the unions, I heard soon after writing the death of the unions would be the death of us all.
This ended up with you brilliant people getting the suntimes and that damn legendary pictures, a propaganda machine from the start, like Gotham....
Bowie even had a line in his song I AM NOT MARVEL.... because they try to make me the joker, then I was superman when I saved the second president, but now I am the joker again since intelligence controls the media, and me and the us intelligence community have our differences.
How can I make any of this right? I cannot. I have to trust this is God doing what he does.... man doing what he does... nothing evoked by this was not already there, the seething resentment, the need to fight back against a monolithic machine. I did not understand the camps of right wing militia's would have much to do with me. The idea of a theocracy barely entered my mind, except when I was doing.
Bowie hid in his cave, emerging only when he knew his death was imminent, to criticize me or whatever the fuck he was doing with Black Star. Not that he matters one whit in this world, anymore than of you do.... I am not sure if he was acting under orders, or... his own malice. What is it you think I did, made people convert to a religion I did not know about? Commit thefts I did not know about? Expose my body to people I did not know about? Yes, and then I went after whoever I thought was causing mayhem, and I used any soldiers at my disposal, even Nazi's. I realized at some point that this was not a battle I could win, protecting the Jews, unless I worked with them enough they would listen to me and back off, only go after slime bags, whatever their religion. There were enough slime bags in entertainment to get a lot of them out Jewish or not, matters nothing to me. If they wish to police that side of thing without harming civilians, then we need them.
Again, I do not care what you think.
However, I am certainly not in charge am I? Why should or would I be?
I love you assholes out there who dismiss me because I have an answer for everything.... when you are merely reciting the truth, of course, one has an answer for everything. You expect me not to know what happened in my own life? I know some of what I did was the right thing for the government, which I never abandoned, despite their working primarily with people who consider me their foe. I am no more their foe than FDR was, even less so. That is all I ask. I do not want anyone to have to give up all they have worked for, though there are limits to the largess a few individuals should be allowed when the adverse effects on society are weighed into the factor.
Monday, November 4, 2019
As You KNOW BY NOW I BELIEVE IN FREE WILL
I do not believe the collective should get to make all decisions for people, in fact the fewer the better, of course. Though at this point we have gone too far.
tRump wants a civil war. Is he serious? I realize you had something of this sort before, though I never understood how the boundaries on that would work out, blue versus red? I just do not see this happening except for from the young socialists, and then they would be risking their lives. I know you are committed enough to do so, though I am gun shy personally. I am armed, and not afraid to fire. I am afraid of misfires. Almost everyone directly hurt because of me was a misifire.
Bush, had no clue a poem would do that, fallwell, have no idea how Vonnegut ended up dead? Over zealous cia agents, too? I let you off without knowing what you did, then became a proud part of your machine. What hogwash. I still must apreciate that some of you thought you were doing the right thing, and protected me, and all this shit I am apreciate of. Your sacrifice, grief, strife, and nightmarish past is a horror I understand you have. I may not dwell on these things in my writing but they are always on my mind.
I lay back half asleep or wide awake, thinking for hours, slumbering in and out at times.. mostly I am still trying to find meaning. Meaning to go on, to tell people to go on. To say even if it is helpless, then we have to do the best for all NOW, while we still can... before people get to panicking and there are refugee's camps all over the warm parts of the country. I do not know what to advise now that I have learned this, and I do not know how people who are very young are going to deal with this one Imminent hell on earth. Lord, have mercy on them. Too late for the planet. Too late for much of anything.
tRump wants a civil war. Is he serious? I realize you had something of this sort before, though I never understood how the boundaries on that would work out, blue versus red? I just do not see this happening except for from the young socialists, and then they would be risking their lives. I know you are committed enough to do so, though I am gun shy personally. I am armed, and not afraid to fire. I am afraid of misfires. Almost everyone directly hurt because of me was a misifire.
Bush, had no clue a poem would do that, fallwell, have no idea how Vonnegut ended up dead? Over zealous cia agents, too? I let you off without knowing what you did, then became a proud part of your machine. What hogwash. I still must apreciate that some of you thought you were doing the right thing, and protected me, and all this shit I am apreciate of. Your sacrifice, grief, strife, and nightmarish past is a horror I understand you have. I may not dwell on these things in my writing but they are always on my mind.
I lay back half asleep or wide awake, thinking for hours, slumbering in and out at times.. mostly I am still trying to find meaning. Meaning to go on, to tell people to go on. To say even if it is helpless, then we have to do the best for all NOW, while we still can... before people get to panicking and there are refugee's camps all over the warm parts of the country. I do not know what to advise now that I have learned this, and I do not know how people who are very young are going to deal with this one Imminent hell on earth. Lord, have mercy on them. Too late for the planet. Too late for much of anything.
SO is the verdict in among the oligarchy, that the threat is so real... you have to toss the Joker at me? I would laugh were I psycho's like my foes
No, you are just sending out subliminal shit. And hate. I do not know what happened to your actor's revolution -- perhaps you should have given the star a script.
Perhaps you have learned, ALEX BALDWIN, that I will never work with your side until you are ethical enough to know kindness to those around you is the beginning of enlightenment. Without that base of love, you are a shitty thinker. PERIOD.
Unless love is the primary motivator in your life, for all... not a few... you are worthless to me as anytyhihng more than infantry, in the old sense, of sending the kids out to fight first, knowing most would die, to make the older fighters tired, I do not like using kids in war but let us face this, this is their fight much more than the older generation, for once. Just this one time.... in so many wars.
I am wondering now about those who will live underground, in the mansions or whatever. I know they have betrayed humanity in a way, but I also see how they think they are going to preserve something. We are all so caught up in the material. The interesting stuff happens outside of the tiny confines of this body, but still... we must fight for this for the children. Innocence must still be allowed to come into this world, at least until there are enough leaders and infrastructure in place.
We must begin rising, and by this I mean they call us fallen.... we must be the fallen, the humbled. We must learn from this. I am not fallen except in others eyes, same with you. YOU WERE NEVER AN ANGEL. I doubt. Get this thru your mind. I said Gays were angels to get people to leave them alone, not realizing my words being taken as scripture, or I would have clarified.
i GOT IN THESE MOODS I could not/did not control. I said all kinds of things, wanting to be the rebel Christ. God was mad at humanity for treating me like this, when all this trouble was caused by me going off script.
I never write of Bikers though they were mentioned to me often. I am sorry anyone was involved in any kind of force that did evil, but I do not think they knew this at the time, etc... or if they did, well, they are bikers, and I do not expect them to be gentle in their ways with those who oppose them. I do pray that they will understand the part of me that is an outlaw just as them, the same 3 percent, that respects that individualism, that bit we have, is an ESSENTIAL part of any system I help make up.
In war terrible acts are done. You no longer war in my name... I doubt. You may think this is a good thing, but I love your spirit, always will... and I keep my promises, as I have to you. I will never write the two fucking things I heard, which were enough. I never asked anyone to attack you like I did the mob, on the day that should have been for the 6. God commanded and I followed, I thought back then.... but now I … I ask you to REDEEM YOURSELF AND HELP SAVE THE FUTURE.
Perhaps you have learned, ALEX BALDWIN, that I will never work with your side until you are ethical enough to know kindness to those around you is the beginning of enlightenment. Without that base of love, you are a shitty thinker. PERIOD.
Unless love is the primary motivator in your life, for all... not a few... you are worthless to me as anytyhihng more than infantry, in the old sense, of sending the kids out to fight first, knowing most would die, to make the older fighters tired, I do not like using kids in war but let us face this, this is their fight much more than the older generation, for once. Just this one time.... in so many wars.
I am wondering now about those who will live underground, in the mansions or whatever. I know they have betrayed humanity in a way, but I also see how they think they are going to preserve something. We are all so caught up in the material. The interesting stuff happens outside of the tiny confines of this body, but still... we must fight for this for the children. Innocence must still be allowed to come into this world, at least until there are enough leaders and infrastructure in place.
We must begin rising, and by this I mean they call us fallen.... we must be the fallen, the humbled. We must learn from this. I am not fallen except in others eyes, same with you. YOU WERE NEVER AN ANGEL. I doubt. Get this thru your mind. I said Gays were angels to get people to leave them alone, not realizing my words being taken as scripture, or I would have clarified.
i GOT IN THESE MOODS I could not/did not control. I said all kinds of things, wanting to be the rebel Christ. God was mad at humanity for treating me like this, when all this trouble was caused by me going off script.
I never write of Bikers though they were mentioned to me often. I am sorry anyone was involved in any kind of force that did evil, but I do not think they knew this at the time, etc... or if they did, well, they are bikers, and I do not expect them to be gentle in their ways with those who oppose them. I do pray that they will understand the part of me that is an outlaw just as them, the same 3 percent, that respects that individualism, that bit we have, is an ESSENTIAL part of any system I help make up.
In war terrible acts are done. You no longer war in my name... I doubt. You may think this is a good thing, but I love your spirit, always will... and I keep my promises, as I have to you. I will never write the two fucking things I heard, which were enough. I never asked anyone to attack you like I did the mob, on the day that should have been for the 6. God commanded and I followed, I thought back then.... but now I … I ask you to REDEEM YOURSELF AND HELP SAVE THE FUTURE.
Friday, November 1, 2019
In these reckless moments
I remain in my unreal, 'normal,' life still trying to show support and use our powers correctly, with premeditation, not fury... somber decisions. I would have been somber, had you not brainwashed me into a screaming maniac. Do you fear what you created? I do not wish to be feared. The doctor's monster, pieced together by the bodies of killers, torturers... my part in this creation is not entirely dictated by my past. People say they have changed, well I have.
I cannot stand the idea people saw me put my cat to sleep. The act was one of the worst moments of my life, but I wanted to stop his agony. I knew his death was coming and it was going to be after hours of pain, and poking and prodding and being freaked out, or here and just over. I made this decision and it is hard to live with. I would never do it again, or recommend this to anyone. I have used this to learn what I can of what some went thru, killing what they love.
I would never ask of anyone to kill their parents simply because there is an idea of Heaven and … wrote a short story about a young couple who just messed up their life, from the newspaper.... Metaphor for the stupidity of youth. Not a way to live... I am so different than you see me, and should have explained myself more.
I did not know what to say to what I saw on the news and etc... I did not know my words were making people tremble and quake. I meant to put fear in the heart of some enemy I did not quite understand? I seemed to have no power, yet am being told I controlled great events.
I fell for this... coming to my senses of the magnitude when I was writing at times.... though my revolution was fictional, in the future, we needed it now and you out there who asked me what was my plan? To turn the country as left as possible, to rally youth, to play in the matrix. A passion play that would have went nowhere. Others had their plans for me, obviously, the elaborate hoax or the alien dna or maybe, just maybe, a creature once named Jesus, to some. A creature who has described himself, metaphorically, as the God of many masks. Much has been made of that, though the narrative fits well. I can see by the acts taken in the name of this creature, though, that the UNHOLY ICON I feared becoming, is just I am... to some.
I regret this. I will not strike out in vengeance, for revenge, being disagreed with, hated, etc. I do not know all that you have been through, what I could and could not change during all of this. Had I any idea, they would have discarded me somewhere along the way. Instead, God granted me his Grace to miraculously live in the face of great hatred and criticism. I get it. I do not want the creation you speak of to be an influencer.
I have my reasons, and you have yours. I will never be defined by your words objectively, anymore than I can be objective. Though at the moment at least I do not know the extent of the damage done to people or the strength of the movement we have going, though in both I sense and know there is so much more that I should know, though I do not wish to know more reasons for being hated, I of course need to know. I thank my critics.
I still get pissed at some lies. I do not know who was in charge of getting soldiers slaughtered, or why, or even that my thing with England had gone further than something I thought was funny. I had never cared at all about the Royal family. Just figure heads, though now I understand that a good force, with that money, could do a lot. I do not know what kind of forces were all involved, but to think I would let soldiers be slaughtered.... shows you know nothing about me. I stopped criticizing the royals because money was stolen from them, and I AM NOT A PIRATE, If that had entered into my plan I would have been much more judicious about what was done with the money -- not to mention, Jesus had no need of money, and Johnny Pain still thought he was going to have a career when this ended. I think now of ways I could have used the money properly, but basically I would give it back or use it for the revolution... but I would not break anyone over this shit.
I learned from you. I watched what YOU WERE DOING feeling like I had nothing much to do with it. When I was spoken to directly thru the tv I had no idea how to respond. I felt like no one was fucking explaining this shit to me, and I did not want people watching me, etc... it was the oddest... then I tried to take advantage of the situation, I suppose. I said a lot of things I wish I had not. Being offensive was a schtick not who I am. I can be hard if it comes to that. I learned with Scout that I can do the right thing even if it looks wrong... even if others do not understand how much I love that cat. He was so great, and so young... but I used cheap bug spray in that apartment.. and killed three cats over ROACHES... I am sure of it One ate rat poisonings a fool put out at my old apartment.
Only Buk lived a long life. I do not take this failing lightly at all. I am broken up inside everytime I think of him I see his face dead with his mouth open, teeth showing... how you stopped me from ever crying again with your adolescent, tough guy bullshit.
I know it is healthy to cry. I NEVER CRIED though... that was my thing, so it was a wonderful release when I did, because a lot had happened to cry over... living in this pain, has been hellish at times. Now it is gone.
Inside, the pain is intense, there is just no release... no screaming and ranting and swearing at God, as I did when my Yeats passed away. The first of my all their lives cats. I have failed them so badly.
I have to just not think about them, and take care in the future.... I hate admitting all of this.... but I have to look at the mistakes. I have to stop making them. I kept him from roach spray, etc... the bedbug stuff though, and the spraying before, everything.. God I know nothing... though I seem to get the same two personalities with every two cats I get, and if he is out there, maybe he comes back. He did not suffer long.
I had to address this because you saw this... and I do not trust you to fill in the narrative inside of my mind, the context his death has in my life, why I did it.... this is not my way, or who I am. I regret this all to hell. I could do it again...
I had called for the cab and then left that stupid ass phone off the hook... then taking him out and... I am an idiot.
I see why old people in the cab always were saying they did not want anymore pets because the deaths were so hard on them. Pauper I usually am, or bad with money in this case, I did not take them in for check ups that might have saved him. I need to take shadow in....
You do not need A SHADOW PATH.... as you once said on cbs…. escaping this vicinity will not help. There had to be safe guards in place in case this city is Nuked. A pre-emptive strike had to be taken into consideration. They do that and someplace else must crumble....
I wrote of taking out their underground facilities, makin our victory inflicting misery on those who caused this. Revenge. I do not care about that now. Now I pray we can collectively make some decisions for the common welfare because this thought becomes passe'.
I know these are more journals than blog entries...… I do not have a lot to say, because I do not know my audience.
I cannot stand the idea people saw me put my cat to sleep. The act was one of the worst moments of my life, but I wanted to stop his agony. I knew his death was coming and it was going to be after hours of pain, and poking and prodding and being freaked out, or here and just over. I made this decision and it is hard to live with. I would never do it again, or recommend this to anyone. I have used this to learn what I can of what some went thru, killing what they love.
I would never ask of anyone to kill their parents simply because there is an idea of Heaven and … wrote a short story about a young couple who just messed up their life, from the newspaper.... Metaphor for the stupidity of youth. Not a way to live... I am so different than you see me, and should have explained myself more.
I did not know what to say to what I saw on the news and etc... I did not know my words were making people tremble and quake. I meant to put fear in the heart of some enemy I did not quite understand? I seemed to have no power, yet am being told I controlled great events.
I fell for this... coming to my senses of the magnitude when I was writing at times.... though my revolution was fictional, in the future, we needed it now and you out there who asked me what was my plan? To turn the country as left as possible, to rally youth, to play in the matrix. A passion play that would have went nowhere. Others had their plans for me, obviously, the elaborate hoax or the alien dna or maybe, just maybe, a creature once named Jesus, to some. A creature who has described himself, metaphorically, as the God of many masks. Much has been made of that, though the narrative fits well. I can see by the acts taken in the name of this creature, though, that the UNHOLY ICON I feared becoming, is just I am... to some.
I regret this. I will not strike out in vengeance, for revenge, being disagreed with, hated, etc. I do not know all that you have been through, what I could and could not change during all of this. Had I any idea, they would have discarded me somewhere along the way. Instead, God granted me his Grace to miraculously live in the face of great hatred and criticism. I get it. I do not want the creation you speak of to be an influencer.
I have my reasons, and you have yours. I will never be defined by your words objectively, anymore than I can be objective. Though at the moment at least I do not know the extent of the damage done to people or the strength of the movement we have going, though in both I sense and know there is so much more that I should know, though I do not wish to know more reasons for being hated, I of course need to know. I thank my critics.
I still get pissed at some lies. I do not know who was in charge of getting soldiers slaughtered, or why, or even that my thing with England had gone further than something I thought was funny. I had never cared at all about the Royal family. Just figure heads, though now I understand that a good force, with that money, could do a lot. I do not know what kind of forces were all involved, but to think I would let soldiers be slaughtered.... shows you know nothing about me. I stopped criticizing the royals because money was stolen from them, and I AM NOT A PIRATE, If that had entered into my plan I would have been much more judicious about what was done with the money -- not to mention, Jesus had no need of money, and Johnny Pain still thought he was going to have a career when this ended. I think now of ways I could have used the money properly, but basically I would give it back or use it for the revolution... but I would not break anyone over this shit.
I learned from you. I watched what YOU WERE DOING feeling like I had nothing much to do with it. When I was spoken to directly thru the tv I had no idea how to respond. I felt like no one was fucking explaining this shit to me, and I did not want people watching me, etc... it was the oddest... then I tried to take advantage of the situation, I suppose. I said a lot of things I wish I had not. Being offensive was a schtick not who I am. I can be hard if it comes to that. I learned with Scout that I can do the right thing even if it looks wrong... even if others do not understand how much I love that cat. He was so great, and so young... but I used cheap bug spray in that apartment.. and killed three cats over ROACHES... I am sure of it One ate rat poisonings a fool put out at my old apartment.
Only Buk lived a long life. I do not take this failing lightly at all. I am broken up inside everytime I think of him I see his face dead with his mouth open, teeth showing... how you stopped me from ever crying again with your adolescent, tough guy bullshit.
I know it is healthy to cry. I NEVER CRIED though... that was my thing, so it was a wonderful release when I did, because a lot had happened to cry over... living in this pain, has been hellish at times. Now it is gone.
Inside, the pain is intense, there is just no release... no screaming and ranting and swearing at God, as I did when my Yeats passed away. The first of my all their lives cats. I have failed them so badly.
I have to just not think about them, and take care in the future.... I hate admitting all of this.... but I have to look at the mistakes. I have to stop making them. I kept him from roach spray, etc... the bedbug stuff though, and the spraying before, everything.. God I know nothing... though I seem to get the same two personalities with every two cats I get, and if he is out there, maybe he comes back. He did not suffer long.
I had to address this because you saw this... and I do not trust you to fill in the narrative inside of my mind, the context his death has in my life, why I did it.... this is not my way, or who I am. I regret this all to hell. I could do it again...
I had called for the cab and then left that stupid ass phone off the hook... then taking him out and... I am an idiot.
I see why old people in the cab always were saying they did not want anymore pets because the deaths were so hard on them. Pauper I usually am, or bad with money in this case, I did not take them in for check ups that might have saved him. I need to take shadow in....
You do not need A SHADOW PATH.... as you once said on cbs…. escaping this vicinity will not help. There had to be safe guards in place in case this city is Nuked. A pre-emptive strike had to be taken into consideration. They do that and someplace else must crumble....
I wrote of taking out their underground facilities, makin our victory inflicting misery on those who caused this. Revenge. I do not care about that now. Now I pray we can collectively make some decisions for the common welfare because this thought becomes passe'.
I know these are more journals than blog entries...… I do not have a lot to say, because I do not know my audience.
Tuesday, October 1, 2019
I have to remember to engage
in the unseen.
To remember that nothing is as it seems in this world, and I should not expect it to be. I am done pretending though. The time has come to just write. I am out of practice at more than the pithy phrase, not that this skill will not come in handy.
The time has come to either quit writing altogether.... which may... this has always been how I spoke to the world. My best words, preferably edited and honed. Now nothing. Oh, well. I need to write a story that resonates with the world or not. Maybe I am …. no the mission must adjust. The core value in a way is the same, bringing down the wealth gap, and the power gap, in the USA, but the grip of the oligarchy is tight.
I AM SORRY if I let he environment hit me so hard I felt like I wanted to lay down and die. I am sorry you watched as I put my cat to sleep. I do not think of myself as being watched all the time, do not think of my life as a show that would interest anyone, especially now that I especially make it so, I hope. I love people. I love all of you. I love the ones with beliefs I despise, who have done the worst of acts, I see the other sides you possess, and I see an everlasting soul, that has being put thru the pain of life for reasons beyond me?
I WANT to be of use, but I do not wish to fight beside just anyone. I remember once, in a mania, as I crossed my street in roger's park, almost home, shouting, I DO NOT CARE which army is behind me, as long as I win. I believed in that moment that to lose would mean the world was going to hell in a hand basket. I had no idea I had unleashed hell, in the name of Salvation, and forgiveness. I was taken by a brainwashed dream of pure love and astounded I existed, and the implications of that on a metaphysical level, while you acted purely as a mob, which I never expected would be attracted to me. I wanted fame, though I had kind of given up on that, and was happy just to be writing to an audience.
I see now things happening so slowly. I am not sure how to approach tRump, because I do not want him to able to use them. They were used in my name. I am at peace with the past. I do not care whether you are or not, because I will war if needed. I never feel unarmed, the power of my God is great.
I hate that I am made people so damn afraid. I do not want chaos. I do not want fire and brimstone. I DO NOT want a violent revolution. I do not get to choose though, do I? The game was being played long before I came along, continue now unabated and still.... I have to take on faith you have the same beliefs I have. I want to empower women. I do not ever want to hold onto power, I would pass it out... to as many as possible. I would edit little Hitlers, however.
What is to come of us mother lord and savior?
To remember that nothing is as it seems in this world, and I should not expect it to be. I am done pretending though. The time has come to just write. I am out of practice at more than the pithy phrase, not that this skill will not come in handy.
The time has come to either quit writing altogether.... which may... this has always been how I spoke to the world. My best words, preferably edited and honed. Now nothing. Oh, well. I need to write a story that resonates with the world or not. Maybe I am …. no the mission must adjust. The core value in a way is the same, bringing down the wealth gap, and the power gap, in the USA, but the grip of the oligarchy is tight.
I AM SORRY if I let he environment hit me so hard I felt like I wanted to lay down and die. I am sorry you watched as I put my cat to sleep. I do not think of myself as being watched all the time, do not think of my life as a show that would interest anyone, especially now that I especially make it so, I hope. I love people. I love all of you. I love the ones with beliefs I despise, who have done the worst of acts, I see the other sides you possess, and I see an everlasting soul, that has being put thru the pain of life for reasons beyond me?
I WANT to be of use, but I do not wish to fight beside just anyone. I remember once, in a mania, as I crossed my street in roger's park, almost home, shouting, I DO NOT CARE which army is behind me, as long as I win. I believed in that moment that to lose would mean the world was going to hell in a hand basket. I had no idea I had unleashed hell, in the name of Salvation, and forgiveness. I was taken by a brainwashed dream of pure love and astounded I existed, and the implications of that on a metaphysical level, while you acted purely as a mob, which I never expected would be attracted to me. I wanted fame, though I had kind of given up on that, and was happy just to be writing to an audience.
I see now things happening so slowly. I am not sure how to approach tRump, because I do not want him to able to use them. They were used in my name. I am at peace with the past. I do not care whether you are or not, because I will war if needed. I never feel unarmed, the power of my God is great.
I hate that I am made people so damn afraid. I do not want chaos. I do not want fire and brimstone. I DO NOT want a violent revolution. I do not get to choose though, do I? The game was being played long before I came along, continue now unabated and still.... I have to take on faith you have the same beliefs I have. I want to empower women. I do not ever want to hold onto power, I would pass it out... to as many as possible. I would edit little Hitlers, however.
What is to come of us mother lord and savior?
Monday, September 30, 2019
Why Do People Watch Me/
Do you expect me to rally the troops, to fight somehow in a way that I HAVE NO CLUE what to add or even why? Do I still believe in ugly justice, yeah. I just believe it has to be JUST, not just fucking ugly.
I think of these non stop. You cannot tell, think I am sleeping on the couch. Do you want Johnny Pain to scream, "Kill, kill, kill." I am no manson. I do not expect some small or even large sect to take over the world. When an operation succeeded I discovered our values differed. The terrible shock some of you felt.. and how you still go on, is incredible to me.
I think of t.f. a lot once saying she went up on the roof for me three times. I did not know what going on the roof meant, though I am still torn up by the anguish in her voice. I was angry that a race war was taking place, angry at everything and had no idea who was friend or foe, but I know my morality. To have my actions taken out of context and cause blood? I SIMPLY WOULD NEVER HAVE DONE THIS strategically, if for no other reason. My beef is with the system, not other people who have the same problem I do, they are my natural allies.
I refuse to give up on people in this world. I understand one has to be pragmatic to mentally stay engaged in this world. Too much bullshit out there for me to shovel. I am not the person I was right after the brainwashing, or before I knew and could accept or at least go on living with the knowledge. Accept is the wrong word. I do not accept what has happened. I am particularly saddened that I am told troops were slaughtered. They sure as hell were not killed on my orders. I did not fucking know about them, and their slaughter was brought to me on a tv commercial. I cannot understand what this was like for you. I am glad I am far away from it, that my plea for a normal life was somewhat granted....
I imagine the mob is behind having a feed, but why is anyone watching, millions? What have they told you about me, what do you believe? Did you grow used to watching me, is the world in shambles just behind the illusion I live in? I have no idea what kind of madness was let lose in Cialywood, all because the drugs and the brain washing and the joker. I find the shootings horrifying, and suspect Ledger's death was part of this. I don't know but if anyone thinks I take these propaganda stunts of the great liars seriously enough to want someone hurt, you are not getting my point. Let them do their stupid shit, learn from it.
Does my side, fallen angels they call us now, or you, or me.... all so ridiculous. I was so optimistic that my sight as Jesus would come true, people would all come together. I BLEW that, thank God. Whatt I have made clear too many times, and why I had the church torn down on impulse.... I am not the person who would have you do the things you did. I did not want a church based on what I had written, the writing was not always meant to be scripture. Reading thru it now, my firm conviction bothers me. I do not ever want to confuse God and me. I do not now what either of us are but I am not the creator of this universe, etc. I do believe some strange things, and they are in a way all my own, and metaphorical because what truly is going in is way beyond any of us.
I know souls exist from astral projection. Re-incarnation therapy was way too convincing for me to not consider that another religious milestone. The others are smaller, like when I heard of women not getting pregnant, walked to the bible, opened to an obscure passage I did not know about saying women would not get pregnant when I returned, and my followers did not. The other was Dave Gilberrt's ghost....
These events are the core I go thru when I find myself needing reassurance that everything that has happened to me, points toward eternal life, souls... at least. Everything else is in contention, because the conviction of the brainwashing, without reinforcement, has become a quiet belief of my own, that I travel the eons, studying planets, collecting souls somehow in their end time. Sending them to heaven. Then I do on and on to the next planet. I believe on this planet I am similar to a returning Buddha, though more... I am not sure why … but I do feel I knw God, that I have experiencing basking in his love. I like to believe I come from a planet that is all blue, and we are tubular creatures, in various, ever changing shades of purple. We get our nourishment from the water and being close to God. We sway in gentle currents; our souls have traveled forever, since the beginnings of time in this... dimension, or clump of time, construct... our souls go off as humans, some, have learned to do. Forever is our word for time, roughly.... This is why my spending the time here on earth that it took life to develop and die on this planet was nothing to me, time wise... I have been a savior on many planets, I used to think.
I thought I could save this planet. Now I see I am here to help usher in the end. To write a scripture for those who will need one more than any other time.
I think of these non stop. You cannot tell, think I am sleeping on the couch. Do you want Johnny Pain to scream, "Kill, kill, kill." I am no manson. I do not expect some small or even large sect to take over the world. When an operation succeeded I discovered our values differed. The terrible shock some of you felt.. and how you still go on, is incredible to me.
I think of t.f. a lot once saying she went up on the roof for me three times. I did not know what going on the roof meant, though I am still torn up by the anguish in her voice. I was angry that a race war was taking place, angry at everything and had no idea who was friend or foe, but I know my morality. To have my actions taken out of context and cause blood? I SIMPLY WOULD NEVER HAVE DONE THIS strategically, if for no other reason. My beef is with the system, not other people who have the same problem I do, they are my natural allies.
I refuse to give up on people in this world. I understand one has to be pragmatic to mentally stay engaged in this world. Too much bullshit out there for me to shovel. I am not the person I was right after the brainwashing, or before I knew and could accept or at least go on living with the knowledge. Accept is the wrong word. I do not accept what has happened. I am particularly saddened that I am told troops were slaughtered. They sure as hell were not killed on my orders. I did not fucking know about them, and their slaughter was brought to me on a tv commercial. I cannot understand what this was like for you. I am glad I am far away from it, that my plea for a normal life was somewhat granted....
I imagine the mob is behind having a feed, but why is anyone watching, millions? What have they told you about me, what do you believe? Did you grow used to watching me, is the world in shambles just behind the illusion I live in? I have no idea what kind of madness was let lose in Cialywood, all because the drugs and the brain washing and the joker. I find the shootings horrifying, and suspect Ledger's death was part of this. I don't know but if anyone thinks I take these propaganda stunts of the great liars seriously enough to want someone hurt, you are not getting my point. Let them do their stupid shit, learn from it.
Does my side, fallen angels they call us now, or you, or me.... all so ridiculous. I was so optimistic that my sight as Jesus would come true, people would all come together. I BLEW that, thank God. Whatt I have made clear too many times, and why I had the church torn down on impulse.... I am not the person who would have you do the things you did. I did not want a church based on what I had written, the writing was not always meant to be scripture. Reading thru it now, my firm conviction bothers me. I do not ever want to confuse God and me. I do not now what either of us are but I am not the creator of this universe, etc. I do believe some strange things, and they are in a way all my own, and metaphorical because what truly is going in is way beyond any of us.
I know souls exist from astral projection. Re-incarnation therapy was way too convincing for me to not consider that another religious milestone. The others are smaller, like when I heard of women not getting pregnant, walked to the bible, opened to an obscure passage I did not know about saying women would not get pregnant when I returned, and my followers did not. The other was Dave Gilberrt's ghost....
These events are the core I go thru when I find myself needing reassurance that everything that has happened to me, points toward eternal life, souls... at least. Everything else is in contention, because the conviction of the brainwashing, without reinforcement, has become a quiet belief of my own, that I travel the eons, studying planets, collecting souls somehow in their end time. Sending them to heaven. Then I do on and on to the next planet. I believe on this planet I am similar to a returning Buddha, though more... I am not sure why … but I do feel I knw God, that I have experiencing basking in his love. I like to believe I come from a planet that is all blue, and we are tubular creatures, in various, ever changing shades of purple. We get our nourishment from the water and being close to God. We sway in gentle currents; our souls have traveled forever, since the beginnings of time in this... dimension, or clump of time, construct... our souls go off as humans, some, have learned to do. Forever is our word for time, roughly.... This is why my spending the time here on earth that it took life to develop and die on this planet was nothing to me, time wise... I have been a savior on many planets, I used to think.
I thought I could save this planet. Now I see I am here to help usher in the end. To write a scripture for those who will need one more than any other time.
Wednesday, September 18, 2019
I HAVE TO FORGIVE EVERYONE
I have to keep following my moral compass. I cannot hate. I cannot give myself that stupid, destructive, luxury. I will not allow revenge or vengeance to draw blood from my input. I want nothing to do with harming anyone over the past.
I SALUTE those I have hated the most, my critics. Even as they come at me now with Joker film. I should point out a few misnomers I can see already. Though I do not in any way wish them harm, and a repeat of the Colorado Mass Murder, or the Ledger death, should not enter anyone's mind. I let the criticism wash over me, doesn't feel good as it passes, though left behind are truths I didn't know. Nine times out of ten so far, or more, I have been hated for things I did not know were happening, or were either beyond my control or I thought they were.
The schism between the reality of what was happening in my life, and what I was seeing on TV drove me mad. I was not doing a show for you. I acted as a weapon against a hostile enemy. I could see only darkness around me, and I NEVER KNEW why or who was going to like me or hate me from day to day. I cannot get around what was done, nor do I wish to. I am not going to dwell on the places inside of me that can still be effected by my reflection in the eyes of others. I learned when I drank how to hide utter humiliation. How to bury it. Later it returns, adds up, if you are lucky you quit drinking and it helps a lot in not acting like an insane, lying, ass. I can look back now and see all of this from one side of the stone, though I know inside I was doing good acts all the time.
I was not making a big thing out of it, though I wanted to tell people. Wanted to get a thank you note to the cab company for carrying a little old lady down three flights of stairs to the taxi, because they could not afford an ambulance and could not get her down themselves. Thankful, they were. Like the girl I stopped from getting a beat down by two other girls, who knew what they were doing, grabbed their prey's long hair as she walked out of a doctor's office, and started wailing punches into her face. I got out of my cab, put one of the attackers' in a bear hug, told her, THEY CALLED THE COPS, YOU GUYS SHOULD LEAVE. Then I yelled at one of the many people standing there, to stop the other woman, who was still beating up this other woman, just like I had. He follows suite, they leave. They turn out to be my fare. The grandmother had been slashed with a knife one of them had.
I tried. I did not have to exaggerate this much, though of course I did at first, as I did everything, torn between religious ecstasy and wanting to enjoy my moment of fame. I did not think, yet, it mattered much what I said or did even though the astounding events on my television and in the streets, my life, etc... I was selfishly judging the state of affairs by how I was being treated. Figured whatever side I was on was losing if the world was just chugging along like it always had, with wars all over the middle east, rich getting richer, poor poorer, etc.
I find myself over and over writing this same story, trying to reclaim my name, pick up the family shield off the battlefield. Covered in blood and guts, old rust stains dripping with black drops that turn bright red in the sun. I will not let you have the last word. Or the only words, at least, on this matter. The same values I began with I have now. I am just more judicious in my criticism, because I know it holds some weight, though even know I wish to be taken as someone who is often ill informed, might feel entirely different if fed a few more words.
I have been called nothing to my face. Closest I came was that comedian, another chance I missed to talk to someone about this who obviously knew something I did not know, passed by because I could barely live with what I did know. I heard the reports of Ann Frank living above a Bowling Alley, saw the pharmacist. I had no clue why these things would be happening. I made my views clear where I meant to communicate, in my words. Where I SAID over and over that I did not want racist, anti semites, islamobes, etc.. on my feed. I meant that then because I thought I could should just excise such stupid thinking out of my life, basically writing off people with these traits... as not worth talking to, because I felt helpless to change their minds.
I hate what it finally took for this to break apart, allow me in on the secret... took the sex crime of flashing my images into millions of houses naked, without my permission, in a sick experiment or pure, sordid money making. The feeling I had when I saw myself on your screen in my ratty green housecoat, which I wore out of madness and disrespect. You ask me why my cabinet is in front of your camera. I ask you why your camera were all over my house but you just chose to use that camera feed. I wanted the cameras gone so bad I threatened you again and again with doing something disgusting in front of them. I finally did, at what I thought was a high point, I ASKED THE SPIES FOR PRIVACY, and then my act... the least of it was not becoming a white house speech writer, and thank God I did not go up there and get involved in that hypocrisy, etc. The death and destruction would have been like nothing then I guess?
Ah, how quickly people turned on me. When you could attack you did, after being brutalized in my name. This would not have happened had I been an agent in this matter, rather than a pawn, for the first years entirely, and now? Not sure. I certainly think that the way all kinds of people are treated should be changed, and it can be done, and it is in a way a common courtesy, living in fucking society, let alone a city to bring this home.
I see the people they pit up against me and am impressed by the big guns and all the little songs they played like the stupid hit about a 401k and tearing socialists apart with their hands... wonder if those alt-right fucks are still being promoted? You do not have to worry about your retirement with socialists, you will be fucking better off, should have been my answer. I am not any one philosophy, however, and gave the answer I always do... we are a combination of socialism and capitalism, but right now we are way out of whack, to the right so far we are destroying everyone except the one percent and a lucky few.
The percentages of good people just falling away, into the streets, the assisted living facilities, the sro's that give them 30 bucks a month after room and board, specializing in ex cons who can't get a job, disabled, etc. Or worse. Under the viaducts, tents in the park in the dead of winter, never knowing when the city might come by while you are gone and take everything... or someone else will steal, or... the rapes, the od's, the first cold spells bring death each year to Chicago.
I want to help these people regardless of race or intelligence or general worth to society, as some see worth. I do not believe in disposable people. Comes too late you might think but I am just the beginning of something from which my voice will up being among the moderates, the least reactionary in some ways, while still not giving an inch of matters of serious morality.
The present mode of governing is not working. From behind the scenes we need to have our own candidates, prepared to follow our agenda. AOC is a brilliant concept, and a why not? They selected her from 10 thousand applicants. I really could care less which person is I charge, or persons, all the better. I just will not allow you to think it is me, when I have no access to the kind of scientific advice and studies a leader requires.
t
I believe a ruling council from the major sciences needs to be assembled, as well as military and computer experts. ANYONE involved in electronic mind control it goes without saying we need to snatch and grab whatever they know, and be prepared to use it. I am not sure if there is a way to test if this is being done, and I would hate to start an armed race... however I suspect they will use whatever weapons they can, especially 'seemingly' non invasive, etc. Having had my mind gang raped by scientists from an early I know they are capable of anything. I do not know if they used it on me because the circumstances were so bizarre to begin with.
I WANTED TO SAY more about phoenix and the idea of my being the Joker. I am sorry you have that view of me. This is inaccurate as you probably know and I am not going to allow you to just put the film out without responding in print. I am not going to bother seeing the film for awhile. I am sure eventually. They even chose the name Arthur. I wonder who they are trying so hard to convince the oligarchs were not behind this, that crime did not create me and keep me going well beyond when you should have cut off any lunatic on the web. And that was what I was, not a leader, not a hero, not anything. I WAS often mega-maniacal, because I had no clue what I could and could not do, and the small miracles in my life, the ones I saw with my own eyes, had convinced me there was more. I was certain I could go out into the face of an army and defeat them with lightening from the sky.
Now, I would no more... and not entirely because I do not believe this is possible, because if it happened I would probably not stop it, let it grow, into like my euphoric vision of endless lightening and fire flowing from my body. And even if that is made up, I have the storm I caused when I thought they harmed mary ann, which could have been weather control. BUT the day I pulled lightening from the sky I was on the train, sitting beside mary ann, and willed it, saw it coming down, and stopped it, all much quicker than my fingers can type. I was concerned that I would have a building right below it. This was too easy. I NEVER tried this again. I have never tried to heal the sick or any of the things in your bibles.
I saw joker wins all these awards and makes all this money, my life lied about, more blood money into he pockets of the wealthy, connected, mind controllers. Lord, how they love to hate me now. BRO'S DON'T SHOW BRO'S THEIR DICK'S I needed to hear that? M. Damen said this.
I wish the fuck you had not been watching. Why were you all watching me? Would I be one of you, saying, let's tune into that alien, or that cult killer, or that guy we hate or like or is a rebel, the threat to the status quo. The more I learn about movies, the more I WISH to destroy the status quo, get intelligence OUT OF THE ARTS ALTOGETHER. Society needs to be able to develop.
I SALUTE those I have hated the most, my critics. Even as they come at me now with Joker film. I should point out a few misnomers I can see already. Though I do not in any way wish them harm, and a repeat of the Colorado Mass Murder, or the Ledger death, should not enter anyone's mind. I let the criticism wash over me, doesn't feel good as it passes, though left behind are truths I didn't know. Nine times out of ten so far, or more, I have been hated for things I did not know were happening, or were either beyond my control or I thought they were.
The schism between the reality of what was happening in my life, and what I was seeing on TV drove me mad. I was not doing a show for you. I acted as a weapon against a hostile enemy. I could see only darkness around me, and I NEVER KNEW why or who was going to like me or hate me from day to day. I cannot get around what was done, nor do I wish to. I am not going to dwell on the places inside of me that can still be effected by my reflection in the eyes of others. I learned when I drank how to hide utter humiliation. How to bury it. Later it returns, adds up, if you are lucky you quit drinking and it helps a lot in not acting like an insane, lying, ass. I can look back now and see all of this from one side of the stone, though I know inside I was doing good acts all the time.
I was not making a big thing out of it, though I wanted to tell people. Wanted to get a thank you note to the cab company for carrying a little old lady down three flights of stairs to the taxi, because they could not afford an ambulance and could not get her down themselves. Thankful, they were. Like the girl I stopped from getting a beat down by two other girls, who knew what they were doing, grabbed their prey's long hair as she walked out of a doctor's office, and started wailing punches into her face. I got out of my cab, put one of the attackers' in a bear hug, told her, THEY CALLED THE COPS, YOU GUYS SHOULD LEAVE. Then I yelled at one of the many people standing there, to stop the other woman, who was still beating up this other woman, just like I had. He follows suite, they leave. They turn out to be my fare. The grandmother had been slashed with a knife one of them had.
I tried. I did not have to exaggerate this much, though of course I did at first, as I did everything, torn between religious ecstasy and wanting to enjoy my moment of fame. I did not think, yet, it mattered much what I said or did even though the astounding events on my television and in the streets, my life, etc... I was selfishly judging the state of affairs by how I was being treated. Figured whatever side I was on was losing if the world was just chugging along like it always had, with wars all over the middle east, rich getting richer, poor poorer, etc.
I find myself over and over writing this same story, trying to reclaim my name, pick up the family shield off the battlefield. Covered in blood and guts, old rust stains dripping with black drops that turn bright red in the sun. I will not let you have the last word. Or the only words, at least, on this matter. The same values I began with I have now. I am just more judicious in my criticism, because I know it holds some weight, though even know I wish to be taken as someone who is often ill informed, might feel entirely different if fed a few more words.
I have been called nothing to my face. Closest I came was that comedian, another chance I missed to talk to someone about this who obviously knew something I did not know, passed by because I could barely live with what I did know. I heard the reports of Ann Frank living above a Bowling Alley, saw the pharmacist. I had no clue why these things would be happening. I made my views clear where I meant to communicate, in my words. Where I SAID over and over that I did not want racist, anti semites, islamobes, etc.. on my feed. I meant that then because I thought I could should just excise such stupid thinking out of my life, basically writing off people with these traits... as not worth talking to, because I felt helpless to change their minds.
I hate what it finally took for this to break apart, allow me in on the secret... took the sex crime of flashing my images into millions of houses naked, without my permission, in a sick experiment or pure, sordid money making. The feeling I had when I saw myself on your screen in my ratty green housecoat, which I wore out of madness and disrespect. You ask me why my cabinet is in front of your camera. I ask you why your camera were all over my house but you just chose to use that camera feed. I wanted the cameras gone so bad I threatened you again and again with doing something disgusting in front of them. I finally did, at what I thought was a high point, I ASKED THE SPIES FOR PRIVACY, and then my act... the least of it was not becoming a white house speech writer, and thank God I did not go up there and get involved in that hypocrisy, etc. The death and destruction would have been like nothing then I guess?
Ah, how quickly people turned on me. When you could attack you did, after being brutalized in my name. This would not have happened had I been an agent in this matter, rather than a pawn, for the first years entirely, and now? Not sure. I certainly think that the way all kinds of people are treated should be changed, and it can be done, and it is in a way a common courtesy, living in fucking society, let alone a city to bring this home.
I see the people they pit up against me and am impressed by the big guns and all the little songs they played like the stupid hit about a 401k and tearing socialists apart with their hands... wonder if those alt-right fucks are still being promoted? You do not have to worry about your retirement with socialists, you will be fucking better off, should have been my answer. I am not any one philosophy, however, and gave the answer I always do... we are a combination of socialism and capitalism, but right now we are way out of whack, to the right so far we are destroying everyone except the one percent and a lucky few.
The percentages of good people just falling away, into the streets, the assisted living facilities, the sro's that give them 30 bucks a month after room and board, specializing in ex cons who can't get a job, disabled, etc. Or worse. Under the viaducts, tents in the park in the dead of winter, never knowing when the city might come by while you are gone and take everything... or someone else will steal, or... the rapes, the od's, the first cold spells bring death each year to Chicago.
I want to help these people regardless of race or intelligence or general worth to society, as some see worth. I do not believe in disposable people. Comes too late you might think but I am just the beginning of something from which my voice will up being among the moderates, the least reactionary in some ways, while still not giving an inch of matters of serious morality.
The present mode of governing is not working. From behind the scenes we need to have our own candidates, prepared to follow our agenda. AOC is a brilliant concept, and a why not? They selected her from 10 thousand applicants. I really could care less which person is I charge, or persons, all the better. I just will not allow you to think it is me, when I have no access to the kind of scientific advice and studies a leader requires.
t
I believe a ruling council from the major sciences needs to be assembled, as well as military and computer experts. ANYONE involved in electronic mind control it goes without saying we need to snatch and grab whatever they know, and be prepared to use it. I am not sure if there is a way to test if this is being done, and I would hate to start an armed race... however I suspect they will use whatever weapons they can, especially 'seemingly' non invasive, etc. Having had my mind gang raped by scientists from an early I know they are capable of anything. I do not know if they used it on me because the circumstances were so bizarre to begin with.
I WANTED TO SAY more about phoenix and the idea of my being the Joker. I am sorry you have that view of me. This is inaccurate as you probably know and I am not going to allow you to just put the film out without responding in print. I am not going to bother seeing the film for awhile. I am sure eventually. They even chose the name Arthur. I wonder who they are trying so hard to convince the oligarchs were not behind this, that crime did not create me and keep me going well beyond when you should have cut off any lunatic on the web. And that was what I was, not a leader, not a hero, not anything. I WAS often mega-maniacal, because I had no clue what I could and could not do, and the small miracles in my life, the ones I saw with my own eyes, had convinced me there was more. I was certain I could go out into the face of an army and defeat them with lightening from the sky.
Now, I would no more... and not entirely because I do not believe this is possible, because if it happened I would probably not stop it, let it grow, into like my euphoric vision of endless lightening and fire flowing from my body. And even if that is made up, I have the storm I caused when I thought they harmed mary ann, which could have been weather control. BUT the day I pulled lightening from the sky I was on the train, sitting beside mary ann, and willed it, saw it coming down, and stopped it, all much quicker than my fingers can type. I was concerned that I would have a building right below it. This was too easy. I NEVER tried this again. I have never tried to heal the sick or any of the things in your bibles.
I saw joker wins all these awards and makes all this money, my life lied about, more blood money into he pockets of the wealthy, connected, mind controllers. Lord, how they love to hate me now. BRO'S DON'T SHOW BRO'S THEIR DICK'S I needed to hear that? M. Damen said this.
I wish the fuck you had not been watching. Why were you all watching me? Would I be one of you, saying, let's tune into that alien, or that cult killer, or that guy we hate or like or is a rebel, the threat to the status quo. The more I learn about movies, the more I WISH to destroy the status quo, get intelligence OUT OF THE ARTS ALTOGETHER. Society needs to be able to develop.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)