simplify

Salvation requires no arcane prejudices

nothing more than a child treating others

how they wish to be treated

no more or less.

easy going not harsh

accepting not judgmental

individuality over the collective

--within sane limits;

get mad and then let it pass

into contemplation of what brings this necessity to fight me so hard?

really...  I care what they think means

only human they can think or feel whatever the fuck

ain't my business as much as I can possible make that so

--within sane limits

I have fought with words alone;

only when they tried to steal my name

and I had to stand up.

Thank GOD I did

because the people need an advocate

in my position.

I am not the one they brainwashed as much as the moral man

I have always aspired to be...  

though the feeling of who I am will forever

be in flux

in the abstract

a question I have no answer for 

-- though a lot of questions that fade into a mystic mist

I will not abandon anyone

I would have always been there

sane and keeping all safe

free of criminal predators and slaughter

ALL that stopped only when exposed

by my humiliation before the world.

causing the adoring to turn on me...

God interfering to stop me from being digested by politics

I could never judge a human for their flaws

unless they are violence to me or the innocent, weak

I let my allies down not knowing they existed

figured a world that would leave me in a roach motel

seemingly ignored by all but the tv shows

and radio

driven mad by questions, the drugs trying to deal with.

I do not wish to come back threatening or smug

I do not wish to come into this room with weakness

I do not wish to come into this room with those who fight for war

when only peace will allow the world to work together

to try to fight the greatest crises in the history of life on this planet

I leave when this body is done.

Some things I seemed to know.

Last incarnation.

I am grateful for this.

Call rapture what you will

Nothing comes as expected

the  ways of God are unknowable by man

whether you believe

enough for anyone who can think

beyond their hatred for what happened to them.

I feel like I am here from the future 

seeing the path that took us to our doom

looking at the blessedly happy people

their problems mostly petty now

compared to where I come from.

First Times

 i never get over the memories of things I said to incite terror

never knowing where my words hit

how much they meant

what they could do

to so many

when they were addressed to a few jailors 

spies and people in entertainment

asking me about things I did not understand

or feel I could answer with any authority

I fought against those keeping me from the world

who I forgave and even sympathize with when I learned the reason

no killing in my name of the innocent or deluded

unless they attack first

or are suspected of planning an attack.

Guilty until proven innocent YOU TAUGHT ME

too well

I am not innocent or guilty or any combination of both

When I had free will I tried to stop madness

not inflame

when you told me and I fought what you were doing

your tactics taught as mine when they were ancient when I wrote the book

we can fantasize all we want about who we are

let messianic dreams of God fill our minds to our hearts content

as long as we know they are fictions

dreams of a God we can't understand

be the creator's children with a kit they ordered in a comic book

to grow a universe and people it with real live humans.

I would never shove my beliefs down someone's throat

I was shown what I believe, things happened to prove them

Some.  Others inexplicable.

How I am in a war when I want nothing more than PEACE

for all people

 because I know that there is no true peace

for the many without justice for the many

not the select few

We know this and yet...

I do not wish those who feel they are my enemy

to think we cannot come to terms

unless you want to play out your dreams of genocide

or give me no aide in preparing for a future

I graciously am going to allow you to abandon

IF my demands are met.

Otherwise you will get your miracle

and I as I have told you many times

you will not like my miracles, for they are few that I know of

though many in practice I have noticed.

Among the mistakes I wish I had not made

is giving my seed to the women who went barren

though I would not want to do so with them thinking 

they were forced to by a cult leader.

Once more, God, took what would have been my great dream

children

and I blew the idea off in a righteous rage

right when had I known a bit more about what was going on

I would not have

better God befuddled me.  I like the bible says God does this to people

to keep them from understanding some things

until it is the proper time.

Sounds like the fortune cookie works sometimes

to some...

For all we know. 

 I find the bible's basic rules are written in our genes, 

not our bibles;  they are the words of rulers and con men;  actors

playing preacher's of the word of God for the coins tossed

not the souls moved.

I don't care and doubt God does but I do not claim to know

Such a long way from where I once was

when I was filled with a voice that seemed God himself

a prophet of something coming.

The end of the world seemed about right

considering how I felt treated in a time

that was sabotaged.   Not sure how but 

I suppose they could get me to say

whatever they wanted at that phase

as they turned on me.

for awhile.

some.

not enough.

My worst fear was to become an unholy icon

a distraction from the fact God existed

and had seemingly sent me

the guy who did not expect this fate.

Long ago labeled in my mind an unkillable force

history seemed to prove as much

i at first wondered what it would be like to be you

looking in on a God

I wanted that conviction

that sense of truth.

I am and always will be stabbed by doubts

that come in hard as I try to fall asleep

require a mental run away

which I had to learn to survive

the monsters hunting me in my head

my purgatory

where the part of me that is already dead dwells

the bit of me left

is like the contracting 

cosmos into a dot that becomes the big bang

a rebel returns from a losing revolt

weary and wounded 

he prepares for 

the next revolution

 

win or lose

being alive 

means 

fight

Follow Only Justice

    I understand the appeal of anarchy, no leaders...   the corrupting influence of power I was delivered from by God and humyns, comes into mind as I see once again I am back in play,

I do not want to do more than talk, but negotiating from whatever position I am in is rather impossible, since I am the one astounded by being watched, as my very life has now become …  what?  In my nightmares the same people as old were inspired to actions I should have been able to stop before they took place.

The plan...  how could anyone plan for this?

for those who believe the propaganda about me, I can assure you, the death of my NAME is decidly premature.

The truth is more interesting, and workable, than the psycho lies put into your heads.   I have never joined a criminal organization in my life, always played a live and let live game with such forces... never seemed like my business.

 If they wished to help in what I believed was my mission to help save what I can of this earth and the people and animals, and change our war-like culture, then I had no reason to think they were doing other.   I took the associations as lies...  when I found out what had become of my asking people to give... and I did not mean to me... I meant the world... then later talked about insurance and the anchor of my courage and determination and ability to just survive the onslaught of betrayal of almost anyone I thought of as a media ally.


  You thought I betrayed you, when the ideals I wrote of in my writing were betrayed... my scriptures to the world, asking for harmony among races and religion, and justice for the oppressed, were taken as a politician's fake words to cover their corporate intent.


I have bowie singing Blackstar, and saying I am not a gangster, can't explain why, just go with me on this....  why would I have attacked them if I had not thought that stealing was wrong?   I was ignorant of many possibilities, though at the time, the same with England and New York.   I was not behind this piracy, or it would have been concentrated all on controlling the USA alone.   I would have cleaned up my own back yard first.  

I would never have led troops to slaughter.  When Ferrell said that to me, the hatred obvious in voice, as it was in Bowie's song, I could understand wanting to have a straw dog, to lay all the sins of the world on, then let the winds blow the straw away.   The insistence that I commit suicide as the great outcome of my battle, that I would go down with the bus.....  how William shatner ended his series of spy commercials with the woman from big bang, a show I grew to despise for various reasons.   Remember the commercial where he killed himself?   I sure got that one.  I know stars act out of the volition of others than themselves at time.

The hatred felt for me by many is a badge of courage, to others I am mournful and sorry and the situation is too beyond words for me to write much on the topic.... some tales can only be told in tears.  To everyone I offer peace, I do not climb to any heights to be above anyone or force anyone to change.   If it seems like I let the criminals off...  then you have no clue what happened in the desert.   Like many decisions made in haste and under the influence of the brainwashing/hatred at being watched for reasons I could not decipher.  I hate most of all that I helped those who are presently in power.  I hate most of all that Jews were harmed I had no clue there were real Nazi's in this world.   I lived in the play world you create for those you wish to live out your lies.   I hate most of all that people died rudderless because I thought you were acting out some master plan that I knew had to be in place for all these events to happen.   Being told the world thinks you are Jesus after having the voice of Jesus fill you, and a sense of God....  I believed the return of Jesus would cause all people to repent, and the world to aright itself.


Perhaps that is what a God would do?   I DO NOT know what I am anymore, so many wild tales have gone about and so many mystical things have happened that could not be staged.  All I felt was anger at your hatred before, to a degree.   There was certainly a part of me that thought you should have taken me out long before all those troubles could be started, but you knew better...  so the truth would have been enough.  I expressed my ignorance, sadly buried in the deceit I felt was necessary to psychologically battle my awesome foe.  I would have taught a better way of living, but that could not be allowed.  As soon as I began to understand these people existed, the followers, after many fictional hints and shows about this and I apreciate your mighty effort, though I do not understand the extent....  having to dress in certain ways, etc...   I rebelled against all of this the moment you brought this to me.  


NOW I find that I am much more than I could have ever imagined.  My mark on history a bloody hand print.  And more.  A youth turning socialist, a socialist almost becoming president.  This would have been unheard of without our movement.   I did not know how to react when you asked me for military advice, not only was I too uninformed to offer a stalwart opinion, I use experts in these matters to make decisions, that I would then approve.  The opposition played me.  Though I still believe that we must learn to work together, the progressive left, if this country is to be saved from collapse.   Starving, homeless mobs is where the tRump path leads... the wealthy living in castles above the fray.   We need more than ever to be able to put aside our differences of thinking to achieve a common goal -- a future worth living, for as long as possible, into the next century.
At some point, perhaps when the air is almost unbreathable, or for security reasons unforeseen by my small view, the government and other key figures will move underground.   They see themselves as the last best hope for humanity, and I was in the club for awhile, until they and I realized that we had sorely misjudged one another.

 I do not know if such problems can be over come.  The feelings of hatred for me will follow me always, this does not mean the ICON you hate is me.   I am not a false icon, as much as I tried to warn people not to become them, only to have my words taken literally when I wrote that stars woke up to reality, and did not want to be worshipped as I AM.   I did not wish to be worshipped, but many invested too much in the belief of the end of the world coming, or that my every words was gospel.   Again, I hear myself yelling ONCE, I AM Jesus Christ and everything I do is sacred.   I meant all the things that lead up to who I was and the very fact that I existed as Christ.     I hate the thought of what you went thru watching me, with children present.... when I told you again and again this was nothing children should see....  because while I was certainly aware especially in the end of being watched all the time, I was intent just to live my life as normal as possible... this was my supposed revenge, fight, against the ones who put tv shows out about cults that would use my words, and I would think that is not true....   but shades of the were.  
My conscious is clear on the matters that began with my being rendered temporarily insane and then trying to stop the damage.  I thought stupidly that the gangsters were the only problem   I thought the people who worked with me did so because we shared beliefs, not...  whatever their reasons were, and I suppose there were many.  I hate that you fought amongst yourself when I meant to choose a side between the uber rich and the masses.   The inane orders you thought I gave are perplexing to me, and were of course a hell of a lot more so when I first learned of them... with time to think, I understand that we were divided first by race then by the lies told about me.  I do not talk often of blood because I am proud of it...  I write of it because my mind has an endless cemetery...  I am not proud of anything done in war.  Nothing to be proud of when you have failed at the wisest way of war, which is to win without fighting.  I offered you win win win win…  long ago.   Now that I have discovered more and see a bit of how your world works, I cannot offer much more than what I did, letting the rich keep something like 50 million and using the rest to rebuild and save the world, if possible, and if not start projects that ARE ABOVE BOARD to deal with the GREENHOUSE EFFECT.   We have had the five warmest years on records in this last decade, the warmest in recorded history.  


This monster with a million faces must be confronted.  I wrote of the God of Many masks, another concept they had to confront, showing superman, who I was associated with after saving this dam government for reasons God alone understands, but they could not let a left wing be a hero to society, so they put on a superman show with a God of Many Masks, who was discovered to be an alien and no longer worshipped.  And then batman fought superman, who had been ordered to kill himself,  a movie I could not bear watching.   This militaristic superman leading the world to facism or whatever is so far from my reality that I did not even care to see it.  

They first made me the Joker, heath ledger, working with the mob and burning the money -- a situation that mimicked my saying 'burn the money' which people had collected, which the Jesus in me took as a great metaphor.   In the Batman ovie I am just sowing chaos.   The last joker movie went so far as to give him the colors of socialisms red and yellow, rather than the always used purple and green.   Then they use  pedophiles song as he dances in triumph... theye made a pedophile, jailed, millions of dollars just to make their sick point that socialism needed to be associated with pedophilia, which they tried before due to something I wrote about child soldiers, trying to subtly talk about the rapes and life of a guerrilla leader of children... not a way to live.   There were child soldiers used in these brutal wars, and the loss of their innocence is mourned, they are the ones with the most to lose, should the far left lose.

I do not believe in using the methods I was criticizing in my book.  I do believe in the coming war, everyone who wishes to fight over a certain age should be allowed to, and the younger trained.  I am not talking about Militia's.

There was a show which associated me with them, having a leader of a Militia say he was the hand of God....  BURN NOTICE, with sadly bruce campbell, who I have always liked.

I will never do you the dishonor of asking for your forgiveness...   what has been done is unforgivable.   I would not have become that monster without having my mind raped.   I do not hate you for this, because everything that has brought me to my current epoch was required.

We are rising again, not the cultish aspects of our movement, but the revolutionary portion... and we will work with those who do not share our beliefs, which cannot be allowed to stop our mission objective.  Redistributing the wealth of this world, so that power is spread out, instead of in a few hands.

i AM SORRY this country is intent on war, always war... violence, the last resort of idiots, the doings of bankers and such

The other night I was angry at tv and movie people and it was so stupid, blaming artists caught up in this bullshit of a world.  I certainly do not wish any of them any harm, and as M. pointed out some are forced to do this, surely.

I have to stop doing that.  I do not know what they went thru, but merely that they air anything about it is good, in a way.  Confirms the story, however ludicrous the presentation, and obvious the propaganda.  First they bring out Bob Zimmerman to go after me, with songs he stole or were written for him... propped up the old puppet and used him to blame me for something I was hearing about for the first time..  Wins the prize for literature.  They try to make me the Joker, to the point my Communist background, required they change the traditional purple and green that the JOKER ALWAYS WORE FOR YELLOW AND RED, the colors of communism, socialists, etc....  and me.  Then they chose a song associated with a pedophile, a chare that I am too sick of to respond to...  Never even been around children, not exactly the kind of guy who fits the profile, but they try, based on a criticism I made about Operation Phoenix, where I ACTUALLY WAY PLAYED DOWN what actually happened.

I guess there was some kind of break down in California, where my influence was strong evidently among too many who abused power.   My words unwittingly made people believe either they were angels, or others were angels.  I was trying to shock people into losing their homophobia.  AND OTHER PHOBIAS.  As many as my preaching could reach....  When I discovered slavery and other abuses were done in my name, I fought them, not even knowing how they happened.  By keeping me in the dark, the solutions I had to offer meant nothing....  none of my words, before a certain point inn my growing knowledge, mean much to me now.   I read waking up jesus and cannot believe I wrote those words.

I NOW have to contend with no longer caring that by playing the Joker, they would make the movie number one in the world, and win him all kinds of rewards;   not because the movie is well acted or not, the prize is meant to reward him for playing the role meant to play on me.  I called myself Arthur at times...   The tv SHOW Gotham went even further with their comparison.  I am not sure why they do this, though Heath Ledger's Joker mimicking my burning all this blood money in Chicago, after …  a revolt and probably theft and... God knows where, but I felt an instant revulsion against taking that money, from deep in my soul, and this being a mere few months after the brainwashing inserted or woke up the voice of Jesus inside of me.  PERSONALITY ADJUSTED FOR A MISSION, the CIA eyes only files read.

Ledger I am sorry he died.... Kubrick said to stay away from power, that it was dangerous.  I have certainly found this to be true, and being a power, I have and am to some they believe, dangerous.  I would NEVER have had any performer or most anyone dead.   I DID not see the battles in the underground.  I did not go over a person' days and preaching everyday, or watch... me.  I did not go underground, I did not get my town attacked by killers, I did not see my children walking toward me with a gun, or felt the horror of the child afterwards.   I cannot begin to know what these things were like.   I can only tell you that this movement began because there is a great need, and will continue, however humbly, as long as I can push for my PEACEFUL SOLUTION TO THE WEALTH INEQUITY AND SANE CLIMATE CHANGE RESPONSES.   I will have other issues I care about as well, though until the attempt is made to elevate all people, instead of just a few, we must do all we can to change this country.

Back to the stupid marvel thing..
I want the Joker character defeated.  On Gotham the last show the joker come out of ten year period of losing his mind sort of, and forgot his name.... when asked, he first said, JOSEPH my first code name, then JEREMIAH, name from a movie I watched over and over making some think I wanted to set up my life in the mountains of Colorado... a gunmen, dressed in black, went into the state capital there in 07 or 8, fired a machine gun, announced, THE GOD EMPEROR WANTS COLORADO, making national news, google it...  I did not...

After this the Joker on Gotham then used another code name of mine, Jack...  which I was called actually in the beginning, when people liked me the most, and was frequently used for me... then, THE JOKER SAYS, MAYBE HIS NAME IS JOHN?  My actual name... that I think is the last one.  To those who know my story, this is a very clear smear against me.  I get it.  What people were put thru, what they went thru doing these things, is beyond my imagination -- or more truthfully, I do not want to remember.
   I do not want, the FOX - RIGHT WING VERSION of batman,  or the CIA's dream machine, music or movie wise, to matter much to anyone.  Free speech.   Once in Colorado, a Batman film was shot up, because of the way I was betrayed I fear, which I realized later, after learning my comedy about booby trapping my house and all these things had been taken to heart by this person.  I do not know if some group messed with his mind and aimed him at theater, or he was a lone wolf.   I would NEVER approve of such tactics, or non-tactics.

I would never order anyone to do anything I would not do.  This includes suicide, killing people in race wars, worshipping another person, turning over your free will to anyone.  I wrote against this at times, though my work was ignored.   I COULD not be as dum as I looked I suppose you were told...  giving orders with this and that.  No, I was misinformed, or barely informed, at best... then asked impossible questions where the only answer that made any sense to me was sparing lives.  I had no idea this would lead to soldiers, whom NO ONE bothered to tell me cared what I did, other than knowing I support them as individuals, every one...  my heart goes out to everyone in war.  No winners, only victims.

I am left having to fill in the blanks with fucking dr who episodes...  I guess they were with me at some point.   I was an ass about the queen, and regretted it caused problems, having no idea of the context of my actions...   I WAS ASKED should we bomb...   told the reason was Gold.  I had no idea what to say.  The deep rooted reasons to possibly attack London that India and Ireland and some Scots felt.   I was asked this about ships.  Told there was an invasion in florida.  Nothing more unti years later when I am accused of allowing soldiers to be slaughtered, the saying oh England is alright....   Again, you kept me hidden from myself, as seemingly obscured as possible, and when I asked for contact, I was ignored.

I GUESS I should touch on Race.  I was accused of leaving this out when I first began to write this story,, in 12, on a computer the CIA or whoever had set up a camera so what I wrote could be seen I real time....   I was stunned later when they showed me all the angle they saw me from.  Those who thought my life was a show ….   lord, if I had known -- the thought I have over and over.   I am or was a hostage of the blacks.  This started before I knew about a race war.   I did not know that the folk I represented were racists.   I was not supposed to leave the city, but I did not notice for years because I did not have any money or urge to leave Chicago....  I was just going to a town in Ohio, and they did everything to make it not... my social security check even came a week late, which was unheard of...  etc....  when I got to Ohio, a sleepy Bowling Green street, had seven cop cars parked across from my buddies house.  Later I learned I was in a Buffalo Jail, could roam around but not try to leave, or I might be shot, or really jailed.   I HIS met a record producer from California who was dumped here, after having his dread locks ripped out by hand by the CIA as they fought us...  then took all his possessions.

I first heard about the hostage thing, without knowing, when a black comedian, a woman, made a joke I knew was aimed at me, saying the black panthers had their boy.....   I THOUGHT they meant that I believe in the same principles as the black panthers, but no.... a hostage.   This was confirmed to me again and again.   I could not believe it.   The Race War had sickened me, especially all of the people trying to get me to join the 'white side, when I DO NOT believe sides should be chosen based on race, but a shared love of justice.  This means addressing the issues of minorities and asylum seekers and WOMEN...  When I came to believe my being held a hostage might stop some blood shed, I realized I would have went willingly, to save lives from either side...

Now late in the game I seem to have harmed my relationship with Mexico to the point of destruction, though if they were far right, like so many of the acolytes are described to me as,



CONTINUE RE-WRITE OF ENTRY FROM HERE.... sorry dear readers, but I will finish this up tom.






























   I have gotten over it finally am back to my normal postion, which given normal circumstances would mean time to calm down and mull it over....  I will always be react, that I never want to change about myself, though I also do not want to be taken wrong.

I have been accused of making long winded rationalizations, trying to change my opinions on things, when nothing inside of me has changed about how I feel about how the world should be ran.  That does not mean I wish to use violence to impose that.  I do not know what my opinion matters, but when I think of myself even imagining harming people it is merely a way of releasing stress...  like hating hollywood for their mind fucking, when I get angry at the faces on the screen personally I am being as big a fool as people who think my characters represent me...  even worse, because they do not write, merely are used by the powers that be.

Here is my present opinion on YOUR RACE WAR.  I think it is a total distraction from the real problems in this country.  The Black's deserve reparation's and this country can afford them, if we are at peace.  This will not end prejudice, some will resent this, though presented with the history, the case has clearly been made, and our society will benefit from equality of income, and the same is true of women and men and everyone else.   I do not want to dismantle the wealth of every multi-millionaire this has to be win win win win… to be realistic.

Something might be able to be done about the atmosphere if the war money was spent on research, and writing what wrongs we can.  AT THE VERY least an honest world fund run by countries where everyone's vote is equal.   We need a global commitment to confronting climate change with dignity that the citizens have in place, prepared to take over in the case of an emergency.

They branded me a pedophile over my criticizing the activity in a book and a stupid stoned out of mind out of context stupid ass comment...  trying to say my worst sin was innocent but I still felt like shit about it…. stupid.  I never talked about that... why then?  What was put in my mind to trigger that shit?   I hated pedophiles enough to lose my family over outing the one in my family... badly, but with a hatred that still surprised me after all those years...…   what happened to people, can this be the beginning or is the continuation?

Amazing....   here I am, the guy who feels this warm loving Jesus in his sternum, when he pictures his vision of God..  how can I judge humans at all, knowing this all powerful being exists that we are immortal?   I refuse to fight in a slaughter of the blacks, etc.  I refuse to fight a race war, period, unless a few things happen.  One, situation like last time when you told me about trains and I lost my mind over that shit....  two, anyone who starts shooting at me.  I understand I am hated for many things, I get it...

My conscious is hardly clear.  Densely packed.  Screams emanating always....  but what you accuse me of mostly I had nothing to do with.

BUT WHEN I SAY really stupid shit like harm all these actors and actresses and rockers I am not at all serious, and I hope they do not all hate me, because I have no hate anymore for any of them.

I think of the possible war with Iran.   The civilians there.  Then as always the bits I learned about what happened here.

Also,  let me add, my use of I AM this week was in response to the darkstar song by bowie which was about me...  on facebook, where I write too much... is not meant to be a call to a new religion, it is just me throwing back in the face of that song


his saying I'LL TAKE YOU HOME...  the worst of this is.... well, there is no quantifying such things, whatever I think about at the tine seems the worst... was people thinking I wanted them to kill themselves and others.....   I said things that I never would have, had I known I was at a podium preaching....   I had no way of knowing when I wrote my comedy and my novel that they would be taken as scripture, though obviously I was trying to radicalize people, in my way.






But the book....  hurts.  I pray this year brings Bernie Sanders to power.

BOWIE'S BLACKSTAR.slams me or some shit... an old man who scammed on on young women during his long marriage.

I finally listened to this song, and was saddened to find more propaganda about me... or a song about this situation.  His right and all, though...  well, there are many sides to this matter.  I have to understand I will be hated.  I have to accept that.  This has always been much easier to believe than my being liked.

He wrote the lines I am not a pornstar, gangster, film star, but the great I AM... just what I said to people.   He was making the album in 013/14, when the blood was still fresh, and the machine was churning out the hatred of the performers who had been used in this fiasco of operation bluebeam.   Those preyed upon by the hounds of hell I gave free reign over the people, blessed them like a pope telling knights before a crusade that all their sins would be forgiven.

I found out only when I was filmed masturbating, an act of defiance against what I considered a torturous existence of being filmed..,,  SOME THINGS ARE X RATED... hardly meant I wanted my life to appear X rated to you.... What you were doing, by losing support, seemingly, though they were part of why I was not able to learn much about what was going on, let alone provide leadership, which I would have, had I known.

I keep remembering how they made a hit of some Irish band slamming religion, saying if you confessed you would be cut open.

This is serious of course because the Irish blame me for lack of leadership, as do the Mexicans, when I did not know enough about the situation in the world to do much more than watch you and wait, for the day, when I would finally be told what was happening around me?  When I did find out it was hard to imagine anyone had gone thru such things.

  I cruelly called your valiant efforts at revolution stupid because you saw a map in my stories that I did not mean to place there.  I was not told what this world is really like until it was too late to do much more than say NO.  I DO NOT DESERVE TO BE WORSHIPPED.  I thought of a church based on the mish mash of ideas one could draw from my writing, if including the comedy, etc...  and deep in my soul I felt the new level of anguish I had learned while involved in intelligence.

I see now how we should have righted a few wrongs in this world, etcetera.   I see also now that no matter what I do I WILL ALWAYS BEAR THE MARK OF A KILLER.  I am not pretending my hands are clean, let alone my conscious.  Quite the opposite.  My strategies over the years changed while I was talking to the bugs....  

Now they tell me they are watching again, and I see subtle influences I have had.  I am surprised by the cohesion of the group in Chicago to work for good, and elect at true reformer to the office of Mayor.  The communists backed the unions, I heard soon after writing the death of the unions would be the death of us all.

This ended up with you brilliant people getting the suntimes and that damn legendary pictures, a propaganda machine from the start, like Gotham....

Bowie even had a line in his song I AM NOT MARVEL.... because they try to make me the joker, then I was superman when I saved the second president, but now I am the joker again since intelligence controls the media, and me and the us intelligence community have our differences.

How can I make any of this right?  I cannot.  I have to trust this is God doing what he does.... man doing what he does...  nothing evoked by this was not already there, the seething resentment, the need to fight back against a  monolithic machine.  I did not understand the camps of right wing militia's would have much to do with me.  The idea of a theocracy barely entered my mind, except when I was doing.

Bowie hid in his cave, emerging only when he knew his death was imminent, to criticize me or whatever the fuck he was doing with Black Star.  Not that he matters one whit in this world, anymore than of you do....  I am not sure if he was acting under orders, or... his own malice.  What is it you think I did, made people convert to a religion I did not know about?   Commit thefts I did not know about?  Expose my body to people I did not know about?   Yes, and then I went after whoever I thought was causing mayhem, and I used any soldiers at my disposal, even Nazi's.   I realized at some point that this was not a battle I could win, protecting the Jews, unless I worked with them enough they would listen to me and back off, only go after slime bags, whatever their religion.   There were enough slime bags in entertainment to get a lot of them out Jewish or not, matters nothing to me.  If they wish to police that side of thing without harming civilians, then we need them.

Again, I do not care what you think.


However, I am certainly not in charge am I?  Why should or would I be?











I love you assholes out there who dismiss me because I have an answer for everything.... when you are merely reciting the truth, of course, one has an answer for everything.  You expect me not to know what happened in my own life?   I know some of what I did was the right thing for the government, which I never abandoned, despite their working primarily with people who consider me their foe.  I am no more their foe than FDR was, even less so.  That is all I ask.  I do not want anyone to have to give up all they have worked for, though there are limits to the largess a few individuals should be allowed when the adverse effects on society are weighed into the factor.

As You KNOW BY NOW I BELIEVE IN FREE WILL

I do not believe the collective should get to make all decisions for people, in fact the fewer the better, of course.  Though at this point we have gone too far.

tRump wants a civil war.  Is he serious?  I realize you had something of this sort before, though I never understood how the boundaries on that would work out, blue versus red?  I just do not see this happening except for from the young socialists, and then they would be risking their lives.   I know you are committed enough to do so, though I am gun shy personally.   I am armed, and not afraid to fire.  I am afraid of misfires.  Almost everyone directly hurt because of me was a misifire.

Bush, had no clue a poem would do that, fallwell, have no idea how Vonnegut ended up dead?  Over zealous cia agents, too?   I let you off without knowing what you did, then became a proud part of your machine.  What hogwash.  I still must apreciate that some of you thought you were doing the right thing, and protected me, and all this shit I am apreciate of.  Your sacrifice, grief, strife, and nightmarish past is a horror I understand you have.  I may not dwell on these things in my writing but they are always on my mind.

I lay back half asleep or wide awake, thinking for hours, slumbering in and out at times..  mostly I am still trying to find meaning.  Meaning to go on, to tell people to go on.   To say even if it is helpless, then we have to do the best for all NOW, while we still can...  before people get to panicking and there are refugee's camps all over the warm parts of the country.  I do not know what to advise now that I have learned this, and I do not know how people who are very young are going to deal with this one  Imminent hell on earth.   Lord, have mercy on them.  Too late for the planet.  Too late for much of anything.

SO is the verdict in among the oligarchy, that the threat is so real... you have to toss the Joker at me? I would laugh were I psycho's like my foes

   No, you are just sending out subliminal shit.  And hate.  I do not know what happened to your actor's revolution -- perhaps you should have given the star a script.

Perhaps you have learned, ALEX BALDWIN, that I will never work with your side until you are ethical enough to know kindness to those around you is the beginning of enlightenment.   Without that base of love, you are a shitty thinker.  PERIOD.


Unless love is the primary motivator in your life, for all... not a few...  you are worthless to me as anytyhihng more than infantry, in the old sense, of sending the kids out to fight first, knowing most would die, to make the older fighters tired,   I do not like using kids in war but let us face this, this is their fight much more than the older generation, for once.   Just this one time....  in so many wars.

I am wondering now about those who will live underground, in the mansions or whatever.   I know they have betrayed humanity in a way, but I also see how they think they are going to preserve something.   We are all so caught up in the material.  The interesting stuff happens outside of the tiny confines of this body, but still...   we must fight for this for the children.  Innocence must still be allowed to come into this world, at least until there are enough leaders and infrastructure in place.

We must begin rising, and by this I mean they call us fallen....  we must be the fallen, the humbled.  We must learn from this.  I am not fallen except in others eyes, same with you.   YOU WERE NEVER AN ANGEL.   I doubt.   Get this thru your mind.  I said Gays were angels to get people to leave them alone, not realizing my words being taken as scripture, or I would have clarified.

i GOT IN THESE MOODS I could not/did not control.   I said all kinds of things, wanting to be the rebel Christ.  God was mad at humanity for treating me like this, when all this trouble was caused by me going off script.

I never write of Bikers though they were mentioned to me often.   I am sorry anyone was involved in any kind of force that did evil, but I do not think they knew this at the time, etc... or if they did, well, they are bikers, and I do not expect them to be gentle in their ways with those who oppose them.   I do pray that they will understand the part of me that is an outlaw just as them, the same 3 percent, that respects that individualism, that bit we have, is an ESSENTIAL part of any system I help make up.

In war terrible acts are done.  You no longer war in my name...   I doubt.   You may think this is a good thing, but I love your spirit, always will... and I keep my promises, as I have to you.   I will never write the two fucking things I heard, which were enough.   I never asked anyone to attack you like I did the mob, on the day that should have been for the 6.  God commanded and I followed, I thought back then....      but now I … I ask you to REDEEM YOURSELF AND HELP SAVE THE FUTURE.

In these reckless moments

     I remain in my unreal, 'normal,' life still trying to show support and use our powers correctly, with premeditation, not fury...  somber decisions.   I would have been somber, had you not brainwashed me into a screaming maniac.  Do you fear what you created?  I do not wish to be feared.  The doctor's monster, pieced together by the bodies of killers, torturers...   my part in this creation is not entirely dictated by my past.  People say they have changed, well I have.

I cannot stand the idea people saw me put my cat to sleep.   The act was one of the worst moments of my life, but I wanted to stop his agony.  I knew his death was coming and it was going to be after hours of pain, and poking and prodding and being freaked out, or here and just over.   I made this decision and it is hard to live with.  I would never do it again, or recommend this to anyone.  I have used this to learn what I can of what some went thru, killing what they love.

I would never ask of anyone to kill their parents simply because there is an idea of Heaven and …  wrote a short story about a young couple who just messed up their life, from the newspaper....  Metaphor for the stupidity of youth.   Not a way to live...   I am so different than you see me, and should have explained myself more.

I did not know what to say to what I saw on the news and etc...   I did not know my words were making people tremble and quake.  I meant to put fear in the heart of some enemy I did not quite understand?   I seemed to have no power, yet am being told I controlled great events.

I fell for this...  coming to my senses of the magnitude when I was writing at times....  though my revolution was fictional, in the future, we needed it now and you out there who asked me what was my plan?   To turn the country as left as possible, to rally youth, to play in the matrix.  A passion play that would have went nowhere.  Others had their plans for me, obviously, the elaborate hoax or the alien dna or maybe, just maybe, a creature once named Jesus, to some.   A creature who has described himself, metaphorically, as the God of many masks.  Much has been made of that, though the narrative fits well.     I can see by the acts taken in the name of this creature, though, that the UNHOLY ICON I feared becoming, is just I am... to some.


I regret this.  I will not strike out in vengeance, for revenge, being disagreed with, hated, etc.   I do not know all that you have been through, what I could and could not change during all of this.  Had I any idea, they would have discarded me somewhere along the way.  Instead, God granted me his Grace to miraculously live in the face of great hatred and criticism.   I get it.  I do not want the creation you speak of to be an influencer.

I have my reasons, and you have yours.   I will never be defined by your words objectively, anymore than I can be objective.  Though at the moment at least I do not know the extent of the damage done to people or the strength of the movement we have going, though in both I sense and know there is so much more that I should know, though I do not wish to know more reasons for being hated, I of course need to know.   I thank my critics.

I still get pissed at some lies.   I do not know who was in charge of getting soldiers slaughtered, or why, or even that my thing with England had gone further than something I thought was funny.   I had never cared at all about the Royal family.  Just figure heads, though now I understand that a good force, with that money, could do a lot.   I do not know what kind of forces were all involved, but to think I would let soldiers be slaughtered....   shows you know nothing about me.   I stopped criticizing the royals because money was stolen from them, and I AM NOT A PIRATE,   If that had entered into my plan I would have been much more judicious about what was done with the money -- not to mention, Jesus had no need of money, and Johnny Pain still thought he was going to have a career when this ended.   I think now of ways I could have used the money properly, but basically I would give it back or use it for the revolution...  but I would not break anyone over this shit.

I learned from you.  I watched what YOU WERE DOING feeling like I had nothing much to do with it.  When I was spoken to directly thru the tv I had no idea how to respond.  I felt like no one was fucking explaining this shit to me, and I did not want people watching me, etc...  it was the oddest... then I tried to take advantage of the situation, I suppose.   I said a lot of things I wish I had not.  Being offensive was a schtick not who I am.  I can be hard if it comes to that.    I learned with Scout that I can do the right thing even if it looks wrong... even if others do not understand how much I love that cat.   He was so great, and so young... but I used cheap bug spray in that apartment.. and killed three cats over ROACHES...   I am sure of it  One ate rat poisonings a fool put out at my old apartment.

Only Buk lived a long life.   I do not take this failing lightly at all.  I am broken up inside everytime I think of him I see his face dead with his mouth open, teeth showing...   how you stopped me from ever crying again with your adolescent, tough guy bullshit.

I know it is healthy to cry.  I NEVER CRIED though... that was my thing, so it was a wonderful release when I did, because a lot had happened to cry over... living in this pain, has been hellish at times.  Now it is gone.

Inside, the pain is intense, there is just no release... no screaming and ranting and swearing at God, as I did when my Yeats passed away.  The first of my all their lives cats.   I have failed them so badly.


I have to just not think about them, and take care in the future....  I hate admitting all of this....  but I have to look at the mistakes.   I have to stop making them.   I kept him from roach spray, etc...  the bedbug stuff though, and the spraying before, everything.. God I know nothing...  though I seem to get the same two personalities with every two cats I get, and if he is out there, maybe he comes back.  He did not suffer long.


I had to address this because you saw this... and I do not trust you to fill in the narrative inside of my mind, the context his death has in my life, why I did it....   this is not my way, or who I am.   I regret this all to hell.  I could do it again...

I had called for the cab and then left that stupid  ass phone off the hook...   then taking him out and...  I am an idiot.



I see why old people in the cab always were saying they did not want anymore pets because the deaths were so hard on them.  Pauper I usually am, or bad with money in this case, I did not take them in for check ups that might have saved him.   I need to take shadow in....




You do not need  A SHADOW PATH....  as you once said on cbs….   escaping this vicinity will not help.   There had to be safe guards in place in case this city is Nuked.   A pre-emptive strike had to be taken into consideration.  They do that and someplace else must crumble....


I wrote of taking out their underground facilities, makin our victory inflicting misery on those who caused this.  Revenge.   I do not care about that now.  Now I pray we can collectively make some decisions for the common welfare because this thought becomes passe'.

I know these are more journals than blog entries...…   I do not have a lot to say, because I do not know my audience.

I have to remember to engage

in the unseen.

To remember that nothing is as it seems in this world, and I should not expect it to be.  I am done pretending though.  The time has come to just write.  I am out of practice at more than the pithy phrase, not that this skill will not come in handy.


The time has come to either quit writing altogether.... which may...  this has always been how I spoke to the world.  My best words, preferably edited and honed.  Now nothing.  Oh, well.  I need to write a story that resonates with the world or not.  Maybe I am ….  no the mission must adjust.  The core value in a way is the same, bringing down the wealth gap, and the power gap, in the USA, but the grip of the oligarchy is tight.

I AM SORRY if I let he environment hit me so hard I felt like I wanted to lay down and die.  I am sorry you watched as I put my cat to sleep.  I do not think of myself as being watched all the time, do not think of my life as a show that would interest anyone, especially now that I especially make it so, I hope.   I love people.  I love all of you.  I love the ones with beliefs I despise, who have done the worst of acts, I see the other sides you possess, and I see an everlasting soul, that has being put thru the pain of life for reasons beyond me?

I WANT to be of use, but I do not wish to fight beside just anyone.  I remember once, in a mania, as I crossed my street in roger's park, almost home, shouting, I DO NOT CARE which army is behind me, as long as I win.   I believed in that moment that to lose would mean the world was going to hell in a hand basket.  I had no idea I had unleashed hell, in the name of Salvation, and forgiveness.  I was taken by a brainwashed dream of pure love and astounded I existed, and the implications of that on a metaphysical level, while you acted purely as a mob, which I never expected would be attracted to me.  I wanted fame, though I had kind of given up on that, and was happy just to be writing to an audience.

I see now things happening so slowly.  I am not sure how to approach tRump, because I do not want him to able to use them.   They were used in my name.  I am at peace with the past.  I do not care whether you are or not, because I will war if needed.  I never feel unarmed, the power of my God is great.

I hate that I am made people so damn afraid.  I do not want chaos.  I do not want fire and brimstone.  I DO NOT want a violent revolution.  I do not get to choose though, do I?  The game was being played long before I came along, continue now unabated and still.... I have to take on faith you have the same beliefs I have.  I want to empower women.   I do not ever want to hold onto power, I would pass it out... to as many as possible.  I would edit little Hitlers, however.

What is to come of us mother lord and savior?

Why Do People Watch Me/

      Do you expect me to rally the troops, to fight somehow in a way that I HAVE NO CLUE what to add or even why?  Do I still believe in ugly justice, yeah.  I just believe it has to be JUST, not just fucking ugly.

     I think of these non stop.  You cannot tell, think I am sleeping on the couch.  Do you want Johnny Pain to scream, "Kill, kill, kill."  I am no manson.  I do not expect some small or even large sect to take over the world.  When an operation succeeded I discovered our values differed.  The terrible shock some of you felt..  and how you still go on, is incredible to me.

I think of t.f. a lot once saying she went up on the roof for me three times.   I did not know what going on the roof meant, though I am still torn up by the anguish in her voice.  I was angry that a race war was taking place, angry at everything and had no idea who was friend or foe, but I know my morality.  To have my actions taken out of context and cause blood?  I SIMPLY WOULD NEVER HAVE DONE THIS strategically, if for no other reason.   My beef is with the system, not other people who have the same problem I do, they are my natural allies.

I refuse to give up on people in this world.   I understand one has to be pragmatic to mentally stay engaged in this world.  Too much bullshit out there for me to shovel.   I am not the person I was right after the brainwashing, or before I knew and could accept or at least go on living with the knowledge.  Accept is the wrong word.  I do not accept what has happened.  I am particularly saddened that I am told troops were slaughtered.   They sure as hell were not killed on my orders.   I did not fucking know about them, and their slaughter was brought to me on a tv commercial.   I cannot understand what this was like for you.   I am glad I am far away from it, that my plea for a normal life was somewhat granted....

I imagine the mob is behind having a feed, but why is anyone watching, millions?  What have they told you about me, what do you believe?   Did you grow used to watching me, is the world in shambles just behind the illusion I live in?   I have no idea what kind of madness was let lose in Cialywood, all because the drugs and the brain washing and the joker.   I find the shootings horrifying, and suspect Ledger's death was part of this.   I don't know but if anyone thinks I take these propaganda stunts of the great liars seriously enough to want someone hurt, you are not getting my point. Let them do their stupid shit, learn from it.

Does my side, fallen angels they call us now, or you, or me....    all so ridiculous.  I was so optimistic that my sight as Jesus would come true, people would all come together.   I BLEW that, thank God.  Whatt I have made clear too many times, and why I had the church torn down on impulse....  I am not the person who would have you do the things you did.  I did not want a church based on what I had written, the writing was not always meant to be scripture.  Reading thru it now, my firm conviction  bothers me. I do not ever want to confuse God and me.  I do not now what either of us are but I am not the creator of this universe, etc.   I do believe some strange things, and they are in a way all my own, and metaphorical because what truly is going in is way beyond any of us.


I know souls exist from astral projection.  Re-incarnation therapy was way too convincing for me to not consider that another religious milestone.   The others are smaller, like when I heard of women not getting pregnant, walked to the bible, opened to an obscure passage I did not know about saying women would not get pregnant when I returned, and my followers did not.   The other was Dave Gilberrt's ghost....


These events are the core I go thru when I find myself needing reassurance that everything that has happened to me, points toward eternal life, souls...  at least.   Everything else is in contention, because the conviction of the brainwashing, without reinforcement, has become a quiet belief of my own, that I travel the eons, studying planets, collecting souls somehow in their end time.  Sending them to heaven.  Then I do on and on to the next planet.    I believe on this planet I am similar to a returning Buddha, though more...  I am not sure why …   but I do feel I knw God, that I have experiencing basking in his love.  I like to believe I come from a planet that is all blue, and we are tubular creatures, in various, ever changing shades of purple.   We get our nourishment from the water and being close to God.  We sway in gentle currents;  our souls have traveled forever, since the beginnings of time in this... dimension, or clump of time, construct...  our souls go off as humans, some, have learned to do.  Forever is our word for time, roughly....   This is why my spending the time here on earth that it took life to develop and die on this planet was nothing to me, time wise... I have been a savior on many planets, I used to think.



I thought I could save this planet.  Now I see I am here to help usher in the end.  To write a scripture for those who will need one more than any other time.

I HAVE TO FORGIVE EVERYONE

I have to keep following my moral compass.  I cannot hate.  I cannot give myself that stupid, destructive, luxury.  I will not allow revenge or vengeance to draw blood from my input.  I want nothing to do with harming anyone over the past.

I SALUTE those I have hated the most, my critics.  Even as they come at me now with Joker film.  I should point out a few misnomers I can see already.  Though I do not in any way wish them harm, and a repeat of the Colorado Mass Murder, or the Ledger death, should not enter anyone's mind.   I let the criticism wash over me, doesn't feel good as it passes, though left behind are truths I didn't know.  Nine times out of ten so far, or more, I have been hated for things I did not know were happening, or were either beyond my control or I thought they were.

The schism between the reality of what was happening in my life, and what I was seeing on TV drove me mad.   I was not doing a show for you.  I acted as a weapon against a hostile enemy.  I could see only darkness around me, and I NEVER KNEW why or who was going to like me or hate me from day to day.  I cannot get around what was done, nor do I wish to.  I am not going to dwell on the places inside of me that can still be effected by my reflection in the eyes of others.  I learned when I drank how to hide utter humiliation.   How to bury it.  Later it returns, adds up, if you are lucky you quit drinking and it helps a lot in not acting like an insane, lying, ass.  I can look back now and see all of this from one side of the stone, though I know inside I was doing good acts all the time.

I was not making a big thing out of it, though I wanted to tell people.  Wanted to get a thank you note to the cab company for carrying a little old lady down three flights of stairs to the taxi, because they could not afford an ambulance and could not get her down themselves.  Thankful, they were.  Like the girl I stopped from getting a beat down by two other girls, who knew what they were doing, grabbed their prey's long hair as she walked out of a doctor's office, and started wailing punches into her face.  I got out of my cab, put one of the attackers' in a bear hug, told her, THEY CALLED THE COPS, YOU GUYS SHOULD LEAVE.   Then I yelled at one of the many people standing there, to stop the other woman, who was still beating up this other woman, just like I had.  He follows suite, they leave.  They turn out to be my fare.  The grandmother had been slashed with a knife one of them had.

I tried.  I did not have to exaggerate this much, though of course I did at first, as I did everything, torn between religious ecstasy and wanting to enjoy my moment of fame.  I did not think, yet, it mattered much what I said or did even though the astounding events on my television and in the streets, my life, etc...  I was selfishly judging the state of affairs by how I was being treated.  Figured whatever side I was on was losing if the world was just chugging along like it always had, with wars all over the middle east, rich getting richer, poor poorer, etc.

I find myself over and over writing this same story, trying to reclaim my name, pick up the family shield off the battlefield.  Covered in blood and guts, old rust stains dripping with black drops that turn bright red in the sun.  I will not let you have the last word.  Or the only words, at least, on this matter.  The same values I began with I have now.  I am just more judicious in my criticism, because I know it holds some weight, though even know I wish to be taken as someone who is often ill informed, might feel entirely different if fed a few more words.

I have been called nothing to my face.  Closest I came was that comedian, another chance I missed to talk to someone about this who obviously knew something I did not know, passed by because I could barely live with what I did know.   I heard the reports of Ann Frank living above a Bowling Alley, saw the pharmacist.  I had no clue why these things would be happening.   I made my views clear where I meant to communicate, in my words.  Where I SAID over and over that I did not want racist, anti semites, islamobes, etc..  on my feed.  I meant that then because I thought I could should just excise such stupid thinking out of my life, basically writing off people with these traits...  as not worth talking to, because I felt helpless to change their minds.

I hate what it finally took for this to break apart, allow me in on the secret...   took the sex crime of flashing my images into millions of houses naked, without my permission, in a sick experiment or pure, sordid money making.  The feeling I had when I saw myself on your screen in my ratty green housecoat, which I wore out of madness and disrespect.  You ask me why my cabinet is in front of your camera.   I ask you why your camera were all over my house but you just chose to use that camera feed.  I wanted the cameras gone so bad I threatened you again and again with doing something disgusting in front of them.   I finally did, at what I thought was a high point, I ASKED THE SPIES FOR PRIVACY, and then my act...   the least of it was not becoming a white house speech writer, and thank God I did not go up there and get involved in that hypocrisy, etc.   The death and destruction would have been like nothing then I guess?

Ah, how quickly people turned on me.  When you could attack you did, after being brutalized in my name.   This would not have happened had I been an agent in this matter, rather than a pawn, for the first years entirely, and now?   Not sure.  I certainly think that the way all kinds of people are treated should be changed, and it can be done, and it is in a way a common courtesy, living in fucking society, let alone a city to bring this home.


I see the people they pit up against me and am impressed by the big guns and all the little songs they played like the stupid hit about a 401k and tearing socialists apart with their hands... wonder if those alt-right fucks are still being promoted?  You do not have to worry about your retirement with socialists, you will be fucking better off, should have been my answer.  I am not any one philosophy, however, and gave the answer I always do...  we are a combination of socialism and capitalism,  but right now we are way out of whack, to the right so far we are destroying everyone except the one percent and a lucky few.

The percentages of good people just falling away, into the streets, the assisted living facilities, the sro's that give them 30 bucks a month after room and board, specializing in ex cons who can't get a job, disabled, etc.  Or worse.  Under the viaducts, tents in the park in the dead of winter, never knowing when the city might come by while you are gone and take everything... or someone else will steal, or...  the rapes, the od's, the first cold spells bring death each year to Chicago.

I want to help these people regardless of race or intelligence or general worth to society, as some see worth.  I do not believe in disposable people.  Comes too late you might think but I am just the beginning of something from which my voice will up being among the moderates, the least reactionary in some ways, while still not giving an inch of matters of serious morality.

The present mode of governing is not working.  From behind the scenes we need to have our own candidates, prepared to follow our agenda.  AOC is a brilliant concept, and a why not?   They selected her from 10 thousand applicants.  I really could care less which person is I charge, or persons, all the better.  I just will not allow you to think it is me, when I have no access to the kind of scientific advice and studies a leader requires.
t
I believe a ruling council from the major sciences needs to be assembled, as well as military and computer experts.  ANYONE involved in electronic mind control it goes without saying we need to snatch and grab whatever they know, and be prepared to use it.   I am not sure if there is a way to test if this is being done, and I would hate to start an armed race... however I suspect they will use whatever weapons they can, especially 'seemingly' non invasive, etc.   Having had my mind gang raped by scientists from an early I know they are capable of anything.  I do not know if they used it on me because the circumstances were so bizarre to begin with.

I WANTED TO SAY more about phoenix and the idea of my being the Joker.  I am sorry you have that view of me.  This is inaccurate as you probably know and I am not going to allow you to just put the film out without responding in print.   I am not going to bother seeing the film for awhile.   I am sure eventually.  They even chose the name Arthur.   I wonder who they are trying so hard to convince the oligarchs were not behind this, that crime did not create me and keep me going well beyond when you should have cut off any lunatic on the web.  And that was what I was, not a leader, not a hero, not anything.   I WAS often mega-maniacal, because I had no clue what I could and could not do, and the small miracles in my life, the ones I saw with my own eyes, had convinced me there was more.  I was certain I could go out into the face of an army and defeat them with lightening from the sky.

Now, I would no more...  and not entirely because I do not believe this is possible, because if it happened I would probably not stop it, let it grow, into like my euphoric vision of endless lightening and fire flowing from my body.  And even if that is made up, I have the storm I caused when I thought they harmed mary ann, which could have been weather control.  BUT the day I pulled lightening from the sky I was on the train, sitting beside mary ann, and willed it, saw it coming down, and stopped it, all much quicker than my fingers can type.    I was concerned that I would have a building right below it.   This was too easy.  I NEVER tried this again.  I have never tried to heal the sick or any of the things in your bibles.


I saw joker wins all these awards and makes all this money, my life lied about, more blood money into he pockets of the wealthy, connected, mind controllers.   Lord, how they love to hate me now.  BRO'S DON'T SHOW BRO'S THEIR DICK'S  I needed to hear that?  M.  Damen said this.
I wish the fuck you had not been watching.   Why were you all watching me?   Would I be one of you, saying, let's tune into that alien, or that cult killer, or that guy we hate or like or is a rebel, the threat to the status quo.  The more I learn about movies, the more I WISH to destroy the status quo, get intelligence OUT OF THE ARTS ALTOGETHER.  Society needs to be able to develop.

Supernatural

Do you consider my believing the atmosphere will die a true apocalypse?    Is this the message with chuck appearing as a distant asshole, which I have hardly been and have never meant to abandon you in any fight, had I known there was anything in my power to do so.  I do not expect to be an influencer, and if I am looked at as magical n any way that makes me not a seeker of truth and justice not the defense for the sins of my time.  My point is and should have always been, there is one greater than I and look for him, not me.

I am nothing but a message.  Not even a messenger with another life, who will deliver other messages.  I am the message.  I am here.  Life is over.  I will hopefully not live to see it.  I do not want and will not be the cause of it, that is a vow I do not have to take, just true.




I keep hearing Sam saying I consider them just a show.  I think the way people face this sinking ship will us my mission.   Ushering people into the end, Gabriel blowing his horn...   I write this because of the show, Dominion.   The evil angels...  a spy tells me these are my people, what happened to them, become carnivorous murderers.
There is nothing to laugh about when it comes to some people.

I do not care what GOD has put you thru.  I was not part of that decision, or they never would have been made.  A man is all I ever prepared to be, and is all I know how to be.  All I am meant to be.  God's drive people mad with their presence, and they deserve worship no more than celebrities.  SMART celebrities keep this in mind their entire careers.

When I read now of celebrities I should have sympathy always.  They have all been used or forced to make impossible choices, long before I came along and thought I could offer a way out.  A means to end the churning out of lie after lie until I realize, perhaps, the mental health of the world depends on keeping the future a secret.  The apocalypse is not longer a fever dream, something I had a vision of...  I could no more imagine myself truly wanting to harm anyone let alone the world.  I had an active fantasy life, got out my frustrations, my suicidal thoughts, by projecting harm on others, usually evil.  Though they could as easily be someone who said or did something I wish they had not and I wanted the story to end with my kicking their ass...  so I made a few of those stories up over the years, lived my own story, creating what I hoped would be the better part of what was said of me, when I was famous, which I always expected to be than gave up on that, just when it happened.  I did not do well with the mind they gave me, of course.

I believed my own press.  My own feelings.  My mind.  I went a place that has nothing to do with this material world, which makes it seem fleeting as a flash of light at night. Souls themselves creatures of great beauty, untouchable by this experience, learning or caught or...  I am not sure why we are here.  Perhaps we were trapped, by the life forms on these planets, and we are souls.   Only the destruction of the planet would free us, as it had before, from other planets.   Controlled by a timeless immortality what looks to as a long time gives humans a blip of the last era to destroy things.   A bomb lit and tossed at life, to destroy what our dna created survival instinct holds so dear.  Maybe kindly aliens passed, took the apes, made them patriarchal and cruel and sent the out to think up a way to kill all life -- their ancient enemies, the seas and the forests, finally vanquished...  man versus nature has their winner.  One of the six prime plots in literature is there for a reason, deep and unknowable in all but speculation.

Nothing is just a show to me and I think about these matters all the time, when I appear to be sleeping, and in between the naps, the ground I have to cover if large, making sense of everything I saw and heard with my new knowledge.  I am glad my memory was triggered, heightened, as if I had a danger to identify and must never forget, during most of the later encounters.  During the early ones, I have trouble with some memories simply because playing them through is so emotionally difficult that without good reason, I do not add to the too much already on my plate.

Or I rationalize, because I have caused so much pain....   I do not wish to do so again.  This is not my way.  I wish I did not feel that everyone hates me.  I wish I did not feel that they have a right to in too many ways.   Not knowing is not enough.  Pretending is what I have been doing for quite some time.  Keeping the real me deeply buried under a cover, all the way pretending to break one cover.   I am not the type to plan too far ahead.  I see only disaster when I do.


Angel down.   The president nor anyone else is in danger of a terrorist with nuclear bombs scattered around this country.  NO ONE.  Stop taking what I write and blowing everything out or proportion....


What I would like you to think and what you need fear are two different matters in one way -- I am not an idiot.   I do not want to fucking hurt anyone.  You are murderers.  I was mistaken for one, and brainwashed into one.  But I am a killer.   There is a huge, huge difference.  God will decide which is which in all our cases, though I do not fear the Judgement of my maker for my past I do for my Future, as I ALWAYS have...  I cannot look there anymore except to plan the non violent, a way that does not involve mass suicides or murder or any of the messes people will start to bring up.       We must be the shepards who stayed with their flock when there was no hope of winning, to give them courage, hope... and however slim, a chance...  one chance in hell is better than none.  I hear every soul in hell clamoring that immortality in pain opposed to one chance...   whether real or not.

KEEP ENOUGH or YOUR EVEN ILL BEGOTTEN GAINS to have peace.  We will set the limits fair and give you more than enough for a life of luxurious leisure.  What more can you ask of us?  To allow the poor to die?   To fight in another senseless war.  Yes, we will lose.  You will be hurt though and maybe only a pyhricc victory will await you....  though I personally do not wish to waste lives, efforts, or resources on fighting, at a time when they will precious to survival itself.


I had a vision the other day, or this very wide way of thinking, where I could almost feel the books opening all over my unconscious, releasing the bits of knowledge that would blend with others in my unconscious, to finally try to translate down into the words used by my consciousness.  I felt only a poem of a few words could do that.   I was wrong.  Plans need to be clearly explained, laws there for all.   There should never be rank.  Rank is rank.  There has to be people in charge, but I hope they are soft spoken and kind hearted.

I once said I needed hard people to do this work.  What work?   Revolting.  I thought.  Other times I must have been lost in …  a dream.  A way of trying to do what?


Years of being in a drama, you in tv and movie sweated and fought and schemed and raged, rightly so, to fight.  A theocracy could not and should not be allowed in any way.  All religions and no religion is acceptable to me.  Especially when they leave all but their ethics behind, when they concentrate on working on our sinking ship together.  When the ship is sinking you put all your differences aside and try to stay afloat.

I do not want to head off to starve in a life raft, or become dinner for another boat.  I cannot imagine what has been gone thru to make socialism a near reality in the usa.  tRump will run against this all he can, which the dem's fear will lead to a win, so they are going with Biden, hoping his buddy Obama will come thru in the end.  well, knows he will.  He looks so good to non discerning eye compared to trump as the same wars rage.








my words come as poetry whether I mean them to or not
the paragraphs do not want to hold together

line breaks appear mid sentence at times

the thoughts are more a net tossed in air
than a picture of the catch


I am unable to function as a writer of these kind of words anymore.

Something is broken.

In my mind.'

Fixable surely.
























































 










I have never meant to abandon you.  I do not know your situation, or I would help.  Do you think I have been ignoring the  shadow world, taking the red pill for awhile?   I guess I was now that I think about this and you are right to criticize me.  I should be speaking now directly to those who have been there.  Why I utilize my time interacting with people who are not witting?   It is illogical now that I think about it....

But this does not mean my thoughts were not elsewhere most of the time.  If you could see inside my head you would find I examine your shows over and over and certain lines I heard echo in my mind always, the criticisms mostly, because they stung and when I saw the truth in them... I felt I was able to alter my behavior somewhat...  but Mostly, I have not felt like there was anyone out there who wanted me much but dead, then I find this not to be true once again.  This famous guy you speak of is not the person who is sitting here.   I had my parade and I walked by it selfishly, the carefully planned parade that wanted to be seen by this deity,  I applauded the Jessie... acrobats and the cops and then walked on to our meeting.   I wanted to change the world, not be worshiped, not to be an icon.

I did not mean to harm your sensibilities the way that I have.   I would never have hurt your feelings if all of this was entirely real to me.  For some reason, God placed me at a distance from this world and there is probably a very good reason for that.  I am weak.   I am at my best when God keeps me from temptation, as he does.. she does.. God was more of an it, to our rules of grammar, but this God did not feel like anything to me, just was glimpsed, though the God in my heart, the one I used to talk aloud to as a friend a lot of times in the past...  is just Love.  The sex does not enter my mind at all and writing the same occurs...   SO MANY stupid  digreessions.




I admit to you, I should have been more alarmed by what you were trying to tell me.  I am sorry.  I have been cocooned in a way, going along with the general mindset, the unwitting, talking stupidly of politics, knowing what I KNOW about that.

I just thought, the man of letters, and how...

I do think of the awesome effort that the television crews did, now....  I am grateful to them for what they looked for in the beginning, before I felt the world had become my enemy, not understanding yet the nature of those watching me, let alone their circumstances.

I was mistaken for a madman by all of you.   I was acting at times because I felt it was my only way o fighting back against a force too large for me to comprehend.   If only I had not been locked in this prison, looking out at what you were trying to tell me in a fictionalized, usually, format.  I felt intruded on, and you were watching someone God only knows who was making money off....  I was driven half crazy going from thinking one thing was going on and then another.....  when I discovered this thing had made me famous, I thought this might be a good thing....  but no, it sure as fuck was not.



I am so overwhelmed by the thought of all the effort that was put into this endeavor....  a revolution that must never stop standing back up after being knocked down, until the day comes we stand over our fallen enemy.

Preliminary TENETS FOR THE WOSHIP AT THE CHURCH, GOD'S LOVE.

GOD'S LOVE

This is the name I have chosen to start calling my Church.  Once people built a false church around me, made me into a Christ  who was being controlled by skilled artists at brain washing, which as of 1922 could insert a personality that did not know about his real personality, WHEN they made him a communist so he could join  and not even remember, until they brought back the soldier, ...    we were a bloody lot simply because I was not let in on the chain of command, it was assumed my earlier writing was used against my intent... and though it may not look to it to the people who died or were damaged or...  I cannot begin to imagine all that people went through, though at one point I was threatened with all these bizarre forms of torture that had vague ties to things I had written about, and  I was assured, by the hatred in the eyes of those accusing me, that they had been tortured.

That was when they wanted me to join the race war and I basically told people that  I would have nothing to do with it, having no idea one had been raging...  and that three acts of my behavior, were told by whomever to whomever, that I wanted a race war.   I was not about to be distracted by a race war, when my true target was the oligarchy, who need to pay enough taxes to fix this country, or cut the military budget by fifty percent, from sixty percent, which would still give us the largest percentage of taxes going to war -- or more specifically, the coins are going to the aristocracy, the war profiteers -- another reason they hate me is because I would make profiting off war illegal.   I would force industry during this period to work at cost, cut executive bonuses to nothing, and even their wages;   we need to socialize the damn banks.

You can say what ever political formula you use to define the events of the world, but I believe every political formula is a fiction, and only the force produced is real, as it says in Irregular Modern Warfare.   In the USA we need a co-olition of the working class, who has not been co opted by the elite, or offered a space in the underground facilities where they will be housed, when the disease is spread to kill most of the planet.  Seven Billion was the amount I read, and Ebola seems to be the disease they will use -- typical of intelligence to give people a horrible death, where you shit out all your blood and die.   I lost a lot of blood once, enough that I would feel my intestines and shit touching nerves they never had, man... I was screaming until they just knocked me out with morphine.  I was puking bright red blood, and spewing it into a bed pan.   An artery had been accidentally cut open in my intestines and at the time this meant you died, one hundred percent of the time.   I  bled through all my blood Type in Bowling Green and Toledo, Ohio, and was getting it poured in from Detroit but it was just going back out.  That same night one of my best friends from childhood, my oldest friend...   Killed himself.  He died, and I miraculously got better.

I used to wonder if there was a connection but now  I have faith that I have a mission, and it will be a religious book that implores PEACE AND DEMANDS JUSTICE, EQUALITY, AND THE RIGHTS FOR CRITICS TO EXPOSE OR MOCK anyone.  A leader who is afraid of what the artists will say about them should not be in command.  A leader wants criticism from their enemies, because they will


The basic outline I of a religion is based on facts as they know them, which group is going to manipulate them, whether they are created to make profits or prophets -- most of which are egomaniacs and quite a few predators, for a priest is a prophet to a child.  True prophets you will not find in this time of tribulations.  The world is filled with the lies of war.  LAW ABIDING allows truth.  Criminality kills truth.  Very simple.

People are going to lie and there are times when it is easier to just go along, when honesty is in-needed and cruel, even.  There are other times when telling the truth is essential.  There are things I wish to be told the truth about, and would to another, no matter how many people, including myself, get hurt.  The truth is often taken as another meaningless lie in this ocean of wave after wave of lies.


BASIC TENETS.

NO JUDGEMENTS AGAINST PEOPLE BASED ON STEREOTYPES.


NO JUDGEMENTS AGAINST ADULTS WHO DO AS THEY WILL IN BED

NO JUDGEMENTS FOR SOLDIERS WHEN THEY COME HOME FROM THE WARS



THE GOLDEN RULE is the basis for all social, business, ecological, etc...  behavior.  What we strive for and then learn the benefits of and revel in the change.   This will cause a great leap forward in the sharing of technologies, ecological disaster teams, like should be converging on Japan's leaking Nuclear Reactor now, before the damage done is irreversible.  Or perhaps it is and no one wants to panic the world.   We played with fire, and the forest burned down.... humans all evacuated, animals dead.

The church will first stop war through basic civil disobedience backed up by a very selective, sniper oriented, group that will go after the hardest of targets, until our enemy, spread out as they are all over the world, or living underground, or close to their silos, and thus subject to easily being trapped by setting off a few nuclear warheads way down deep.  Cause a rare earthquake in Washington, D.C. perhaps, as happened before, just before, in fact, two movies came out about the white house being taken over, and the tours of the White House stopped, for budget reasons they said.

The government needs to be kept intact to a degree, replaced, but still a system that all people can basically agree that if it were honest, would certainly be someplace to start creating new times, of the new scientific realities, and the freedom of the individual from subtle mind control, and allowing them to confront the truths the  Aristocracy took it on themselves to hide from everyone else.   Not out of any good hearted impulses, just so they could save themselves first, before the peasants had a chance to revolt and mess up their plans.

This is very difficult for me to write in 2017 when my belief in human life and society withstanding the travails to come is .... well, I write with no hope that the life of the flesh is eternal, like the old time writers who read authors from hundreds of years before, and wanted to be one of them.  Now I must write for the presence if there is going to be any hope for the future...  well, I make my words out to be more important than they are, but this is the goal at least.  Others would have to do the hard physical work, this I cannot help, with my ill health -- spinal problems that cause pain and massive side effects from a plethora of pain and anxiety and ... pills.   I need them and hate them a hell of a lot more than I like them.  Went without such things for most of my life, to avoid addiction, then ended up having to be addicted to them to function.  Irony.  And a wish come true I did not mean to, like too many others, from my adolescence manifests, when I wanted to just do downers and smoke weed all the time, thinking then I could function in this world as an artist.   This happened and to a degree of four books and a lot of half ass paintings, though chaotically and nothing I would want to repeat.  I do much better when I am in control, as  I am now.

My rule on drugs has always been I am not going to dam you for doing drugs, even though I am sure your life would be happier without some of them, though maybe not.  I just do not wish to judge their drinking.   I am a terrible drinker so I do not do it.  I am terrible when I take too much Xanax or valium... black out and get drunk as hell and mean at times.   I have these demons just under my veneer, which I try to make friendly, interested... though I often look depressed and stressed and in pain because they are my primary states of being at this time, along with occasional good feelings, as well...

I distract myself as much as possible from the intelligence activities that cost GOD only knows how many lives....  I do not want to think about the past, but unless  I am involved in another train of thought or a movie or writing a short story, lately, about a life altogether different than mine, and getting to feel like they might for a bit, instead of how a character based on my life would be.

More irony or knowing it would happen to me or setting up my destiny or writing down what I would create in this universe  --- I would add chance but this kind of thing has happened so many thousands of times in my life that coincidence no longer scientifically makes sense --- my first book has a PTSD before they called it that horror from the things he did in war, including pedophilia...  and much worse, that was based on true stories of the navy seals, raping women to death, as a lecturer did in a military intelligence class.  Asked how he deals with what he went thru, he said I drink a lot, then took a sip from a can under the podium.   I can now imagine how tortured he was in a way.

Actually engaged in the combat and the horror show rapes to try to get the villagers to stop supporting the Vietcong, yet they ruled at night and would kill more of them then the soldiers.... they had no choice at all, but Operation Phoenix pretended they did.





H